Volume 8, Number
4(Winter 2003)
ssss Articles
sssssssAnnual
Meeting to Discuss Bi Definition Future
sssssssBi
Definition Celebrates Eight Years
ssssss flu•id
ssssCalendar
ssssColumns
sssssssBi
The Editor
sssssssUpcoming
Discussion Topics
ssss
Disclaimer
Bi All Means! is a publication of Bi Definition, a bisexual social, support and activist organization in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. BAM is published quarterly and is offered to those on our mailing list on a subscription basis. To subscribe simply fill out this form.
Opinions expressed by writers in BAM are not necessarily those of the editors, publisher, advertisers nor the philosophy of Bi Definition. Any reference made to any individual or organization should not be construed as an indication of the same's orientation.
We reserve the right to edit any submission at our sole discretion.
Those who wish to contribute letters, articles, stories, poems or artwork
are encouraged to do so, and may have their names withheld if so desired.
Please provide text submissions typed double-spaced. Send all submissions
to: Bi All Means!/Bi Definition,
c/o Milwaukee LGBT Community Center, Suite 101, 315 W. Court St., Milwaukee,
WI 53212 ,
or e-mail bidef@hotmail.com
The unauthorized use of the ‘Bi Definition’ name is strictly
prohibited to members and nonmembers alike, except when written permission
is received from the current organizational leadership.
Vision Statement
Bi Definition shall provide a social, support and
activist organizational resource for bisexuals, people who do not like
labels and their allies residing in and visiting metropolitan Milwaukee,
WI. It shall work for equal rights and the liberation of all area bisexuals
and others who refuse strict heterosexual and/or homosexual personal identification.
Bi Definition will also collect and distribute information
on bisexuality.
Governance Statement
In order to insure that all minority opinions are
considered at business meetings, Bi Definition will use the consensus process
of decision making for governing.
Annual
Meeting to Discuss Bi Definition Future:
Time for a Break
by Nikki Schlaishunt
Even though the LGBT Community Center—the “official,” large ‘c’ Community—has made room for Bi Definition by generously accommodating our limited financial means, the fact remains that bisexuality is not a functional idea in the reality of most people’s lives.
In the heterosexual world, saying you are anything other than straight is an undesirable complication. Life is chaotic and busy enough without adding sexual identity politics into the mix. It is easier and more rewarding to say nothing and just go along with the straight assumptions.
In the G/L world, saying you are anything other than gay or lesbian is suspect, to say the least. Hardly a Bi Definition meeting goes by without someone telling a story proving that the bi stereotypes (bi’s are unfaithful, confused, AIDS carrying, sex addicts) are alive and well in the small ‘c’ LGBT community. It is easier and more rewarding to say nothing and just go along with the gay assumptions.
The few people who feel strongly enough about the fact that our sexuality does not fit into either the Straight or the Gay box, constantly face peer pressure from both sides of the spectrum to sit down and shut up. Mainstream society is full of rewards for being straight (marriage, health insurance for partners, etc.) and punishments for not being straight (exclusion, invalidation, etc.). Queer people have worked hard for years to build a very real community where there are rewards for being gay (strong support groups, close-knit communities, etc.) and punishments for not being gay (exclusion, invalidation, etc.).
The result? If you identify as bi, you are punished by both the gay and the straight community. It is like having to choose between being in a mall, being in a dance club or standing outside in a hail storm. This pressure effectively keeps the bisexual community small; it is too hard to stand outside in a hail storm for very long. Even the staunchest of us have to go inside and take a break from time to time. Many people won’t venture out into the storm at all or will make a dash from one building to the next because staying outside is too difficult and not very rewarding.
(This is where the myth that bisexuality is just a step on the way to becoming gay comes from. For some it is just a step. For many it is easier to change claims to being gay or lesbian so people will stop throwing rocks at you.)
This is frustrating because, according to the Kinsey study, we bisexuals rule the world if you count numbers. 10% of people are gay, 10% of people are straight. That leaves 80% somewhere in the middle. Imagine what the world would be like if 80% of all people openly and proudly identified their sexuality as fluid. Think about it—that would mean that 90% of the world would identify as queer! Just think of the party we could have!!!
Now, getting 80% is a stretch. But even if we only got half of that, we would still end up with 50% of everyone identifying as queer. Visualize what it would be like to live in a world where every other person you meet is queer. Wouldn’t that be wonderful?
As long as the risks are too high and the rewards are too small—and I think that accurately describes bisexuality right now—people will choose to be either Gay or Straight. And straight people will continue to outnumber gay people. We will remain polarized and at odds. Straight society wins because queer society buys into the same dichotomies that keep the straight community large and the queer community small.
Bi Definition’s finances over the past few years have dwindled. We have gone from 1,500 copies of a 12 page newsletter distributed to 30 some locations, to 170 copies of a 6 page newsletter distributed to 3 or 4 places. The result has been dwindling membership.
I think that the system of rewards and punishments in both the Gay and Straight communities makes growing or even sustaining a bisexual group problematic. Bi Definition has had 8 years of activism, 8 years of supporting people who don’t fit the Straight or Gay mold, 8 years of fun social events, and 8 years of organizing, running and paying for all of this through the dedication of volunteers. We deserve to congratulate ourselves for this accomplishment. And we deserve a break.
Farmers will leave a field fallow for a year every so often so that the soil can recharge. Maybe if we let Bi Definition go, a new bisexual community will grow from the recharged soil. Or maybe not. Anyway you slice it, I know that I am tired of getting pelted with hail.
Bi Definition’s Annual meeting will discuss Bi Definition’s future.
That meeting will be Tuesday, February 17th at 6:30 at the LGBT Community
Center.
Bi Definition Celebrates Eight Years
January 2004 Bi Definition will be eight years old. Come
join us as we celebrate on Friday, January 9th at the home of Nikki and
Brad. The party will be a potluck and will start at 6:30 p.m.
We will be showing the video of Bi Definition’s talent show a few years
ago and will be playing a variety of games. The Bi Definition scrap
will also be at the party. For directions call 372-6983.
I’ll never understand the animosity among the different queer groups. Where is the empathy? Most of us understand what it is like to sexually identify as something different than we do today. Why do we have such short memories?
Looking back at my life, there were several years when I identified as something different. Like most of us, I started out trying to be heterosexual. Only, it never really felt right to me — at least on some level. Society eventually led me to identifying as lesbian. Only, that never seemed quite right, either. I was attracted to women but I was also still attracted to men. Why hadn’t my attraction for men gone away?
As time went by I heard of a group called Bi Definition. I mustered up enough courage to go to my first social discussion. Bi Def helped me realize sexuality is a fluid quality difficult to stick a label on and neatly tuck away. The thought had never occurred to me that my sexuality was capable of changing form. I had identified as heterosexual. I had identified as homosexual. Was it possible I may be bisexual?
I made the mistake of sharing my insight with some friends at a lesbian bar. They had very strong feelings against such a notion. They told me to look at the facts: I lived with a woman; I hadn’t dated a man in a few years. Why wouldn’t I just drop the charade and accept my sexual destiny?
Later on, a couple gay male friends shared the same disbelief. To them, bisexuality didn’t exist. Gay people used it only in transition. However, this leaves a lot of holes in their logic, doesn’t it? In my life, I transitioned from straight to gay to bi. Does that mean I “used” homosexuality to transition? Does that mean that homosexuality doesn’t exist? And where does this equation leave transgendered individuals, anyway?
To this day, I continue to identify as bisexual. My spirit has never solely corresponded one way or another. I am attracted to men. However, I am also attracted to women. Maybe I will identify as lesbian again one day. Who knows what the future will bring?
And that leads me to my point. Sexuality isn’t a destination for us
to safely arrive at — it is one part in a fluid journey called life.
January (Sat. 3): Cancelled (Anniversary Party Jan. 9)
(Tues. 20): “What’s your sex type?”
February (Sat. 7:30): “What’s your sex type?”
(Tues. 17): Year in Review Meeting
March (Sat. 6 & Tues. 16): “Bi’s & commited relationships”
Bi Definition meets on the first Saturday and third Tuesday of every month at 7:00 P.M. for discussions about specific topics pertaining to bisexuality. All discusions are held at the Milwaukee LGBT Community Center, Suite 101, 315 W. Court St., Milwaukee, WI .
Remember — there will be NO meeting on the first Saturday in January. Instead we will meet on Friday, January 9 at 6:30pm for our 8 Year Anniversary Party. Call our info line for location and details, and plan to join us for a potluck dinner and an evening of games.
Also remember — there will not be a regular discussion meeting the third Tuesday in February. Instead, we will be having our Year In Review Meeting on Tuesday, February 17 at 7pm. All members are strongly encouraged to attend this very important meeting.
Because both January and February will only have one regular meeting each, we will be discussing the same topic for both months. Trance, Engagement, Role Play — What’s your sexual mind-set? A discussion of the things we think about during sex. Psychologist and sex therapist David Schnarch (author of Passionate Marriage) believes that marriage (defined as any committed relationship) is a kind of “crucible” and that through our marital and sexual relationships we can grow to know ourselves and each other in delightful and profound ways. Don’t miss this “stimulating” discussion Tuesday, January 20 at 7pm and Saturday, February 7 (this meeting will start at 7:30pm)!
Bi’s are unfaithful, confused, AIDS carrying sex addicts. These are
some of the stereotypes alive and well, but what is it really like to be
involved with someone identifying as bisexual? Come join us as we discuss
Bi’s & commited relationships on Saturday, March 6 and Tuesday,
March 16 at 7pm.
An annual Bi Definition membership includes discreet newsletter mailings and free admittance to all non-fundrasing events. Cost of a single gathering for nonmembers is $5. For information on membership rates, call our information line (414) 299-9612. We also ask that you please refrain from wearing scented products at the meetings.
An annual Bi Definition membership includes discreet newsletter mailings and free admittance to all events. Cost of a single gathering for nonmembers is $5. For information on membership rates, call our information line (414) 299-9612. We also ask that you please refrain from wearing scented products at the meetings.
flu•id \"flü-ed\ adj
As corny as it sounds, I was sitting here reflecting on the name of a local queer bar. Fluid. What a clever name it is! Capable of flowing and changing form. The obvious interpretation is perfect for any bar setting. The flow of liquid in the form of drinks, bathroom pipes, sweat, or whatever else a night on the town might bring.
Abstractly, the word is perfect for a bar setting, too. Fluidity. The exchanges of ideas, flowing from one subject to the next — such as bar conversations typically do. The rising and crashing of feelings, emotions, and energy.
And, much like the bar’s clientele, sexuality takes shape in many forms throughout one’s life. Flowing from one direction to another and back again, sometimes ending up somewhere in the middle. Fluidity has driven the shape of Bi Definition. And, the shape of its future is explored within this issue. So take some Dramamine and hop aboard, we are about to go on a wild ride!
Respectfully submitted,
Stefanie
For information or confirmation on any Bi Definition event listed,
contact Nikki at (414)299-9612
or write: Bi All Means!/Bi Definition
c/o Milwaukee LGBT Community Center, Suite 101, 315 W. Court St., Milwaukee,
WI 53212 .
Bi Definition socials/discussions are held on the first Saturday
and third Tuesday of each month @ 7:00 p.m.
at the Milwaukee LGBT Community Center, Suite 101, 315 W. Court
St., Milwaukee, WI 53212 .
January
Sat. 3 Bi Definition Social/Discussion. Cancelled
Fri. 9 @ 6:30-10pm Bi Definition 8 Year Anniversary
Party. Call 299-9612. This event will replace the 1st Saturday meeting.
Tues. 20 @ 7 P.M. Bi Definition Social/Discussion. Topic: “What’s
your sex type?” LGBT Community Center, 315 W. Court St.
Februaruy
Sat. 7 @ 7 P.M. Bi Definition Social/Discussion. Topic: “What’s
your sex type?” LGBT Community Center, 315 W. Court St.
Sat. 7 @ Midnight Rocky Horror picture Show, The Oriental
Theatre This event will take place following the Saturday meeting.
Tues. 17 @ 7 P.M. Bi Definition Year in Review Meeting
LGBT Community Center, 315 W. Court St.
March
Sat. 6 @ 7 P.M. Bi Definition Social/Discussion. Topic:
“Bi’s & commited relationships”LGBT Community Center, 315 W.
Court St.
Tues. 16 @ 7 P.M. Bi Definition Social/Discussion. Topic:
“Bi’s & commited relationships” LGBT Community Center, 315 W.
Court St.
26-28, 2004 BECAUSE Conference, Iowa State University
For details go to: http://www.because-iowa.org/
Spring, 2004: Bi Spirit Day
For more information about any of these events, call the Bi Definition
Information Line at (414) 299-9612.
