Volume 6, Number
1 (Spring/Summer 2001)
ssss Articles
Community
Rallies to Revive Bi Definition
ssssssssBECAUSE
Comes to Milwaukee May 4-6
Bi
Definition Summer Activities Being Planned
ssssssssOut
Bi Candidate, Morales, seeks E. Side Voters
Calendar
ssssColumns
sssssssssBi The Editor
sssssssssUpcoming
Discussion Topics
sssssssssHow Do
You Feel?
sssssssssNikki's Notions
sssssssssBisexual
Politics: Clear and Simple
sssssssssEphemeral
Essay
sssssssssThe Bisexual
Aunties
ssssOdds
and Ends
sssssssss Poetry
Disclaimer
Bi All Means! is a publication of Bi Definition, a bisexual social, support and activist organization in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. BAM is published quarterly and is offered to those on our mailing list on a subscription basis. To subscribe simply fill out this form.
Opinions expressed by writers in BAM are not necessarily those of the editors, publisher, advertisers nor the philosophy of Bi Definition. Any reference made to any individual or organization should not be construed as an indication of the same's orientation.
We reserve the right to edit any submission at our sole discretion. Those who wish to contribute letters, articles, stories, poems or artwork are encouraged to do so, and may have their names withheld if so desired. Please provide text submissions typed double-spaced. Send all submissions to: Bi All Means!/Bi Definition, c/o Milwaukee LGBT Community Center, 170 S. 2nd St., Milwaukee, WI 53204, or e-mail bidef@hotmail.com
The unauthorized use of the ‘Bi Definition’ name is strictly
prohibited to members and nonmembers alike, except when written permission
is received from the current organizational leadership.
Vision Statement
Bi Definition shall provide a social, support and
activist organizational resource for bisexuals, people who do not like
labels and their allies residing in and visiting metropolitan Milwaukee,
WI. It shall work for equal rights and the liberation of all area bisexuals
and others who refuse strict heterosexual and/or homosexual personal identification.
Bi Definition will also collect and distribute information
on bisexuality.
Governance Statement
In order to insure that all minority opinions are
considered at business meetings, Bi Definition will use the consensus process
of decision making for governing.
Community Rallies to Revive Bi Definition
On Saturday, January 20th a Crisis Management meeting was called to address Bi Definition’s continued survival. Bi Definition, which celebrated its 5th Anniversary in early January, had dwindled down to a very few people doing all of the organizational work¾and burnout was imminent.
The meeting was a great success, with over 20 people in attendance. This number included several members of Gemini Gender who generously offered their group’s support, even proposing to help with meeting space if Bi Definition needed it.
Many of the people at the meeting volunteered to take up tasks and to help with the work needed to keep Bi Definition alive and healthy. The work was divided up into volunteer positions with people agreeing to a one-year commitment to the position. These positions are Business Manager, Assistant Business Manager, Meeting Facilitator, Office Manager, Treasurer, Database, Minutes/Records, Telephone Coordinator, Special Events Coordinator, Fundraising Committee Coordinator, Media, Website, and Newsletter. The only position unfilled was a Newsletter Distribution Manager, and possibly the Assistant Business Manager position starting in June.
Because of the help and show of support from all that gave up a chunk of their Saturday to attend this meeting, Bi Definition is now able to continue on as Milwaukee’s only organized bisexual community. Our sincerest thanks go out to all who have made this possibleJ
BECAUSE Comes to Milwaukee May 4-6
The 10th annual Midwest BECAUSE conference (Bisexual Empowerment Conference: A Uniting Supportive Experience) will be held in Milwaukee for the first time this May 4-6, 2001. This year’s theme, “A Bisexual Odyssey” was chosen to honor the journey the bisexual movement has been on, and to look forward to where the journey will go from here.
The weekend conference includes two keynote speakers. On Friday night, Lani Ka’ahumanu will kick off the conference, followed by a performance by the Safer Sex Sluts. Ms. Ka’ahumanu was the keynote speaker at the first BECAUSE conference in 1991. Saturday night’s speaker, Liz Highleyman, will be followed by a “Fantasy Dance” (use your imagination). Both keynote speakers are nationally known for their work in bisexual activism.
A wide variety of workshops will be offered throughout Saturday day and Sunday morning. These workshops range from “Who is Bisexual? Explaining the Klein Sexual Orientation Grid” (presented by Fritz Klein himself), to “How to Throw a Sex Party.”
You can register early for the workshop by sending an email to because2001@hotmail.com or by writing to BECAUSE, P.O. Box 070845, Milwaukee, WI 53207. You can also register at the conference, starting on Friday, May 4th at 5pm, or on Saturday, May 5th from 7:30 a.m. to noon. The conference will be held at UWM in the Union, 2nd Floor.
Bi Definition Summer Activities Being Planned
Bi Definition summer activities will officially begin with Pridefest, June 8-10, 2001. We will once again be running one of the mug sales booths this year. Contact Fundraising Committee Coordinator Lesley at (?) to sign up as a volunteer. Working at the booth is a great way to meet other Pridefest revelers, help Bi Definition raise money, and enjoy the Pridefest experience.
Other plans in the works for Pridefest include the Bi Definition info table, Bi Definition’s participation in the Pride Parade, and a possible Bi Definition picnic at Pridefest. Check our new information phone line at (414) 299-9612 for the latest information on this and other social events.
Our Special Events Coordinator, Deb, has already booked a campsite for the annual Bi Definition camping trip. The dates will be the weekend of July 27-29th and it will be at Greenbush, the same campground as last year. For more information and/or to reserve a spot, contact Deb at 259-0203.
If you have any ideas or suggestions for fun summer activities, please send them to us by email, snail mail, phone message or in person at one of the meetings. We welcome your input and participation.
Out Bi Candidate, Morales, seeks E. Side Voters
Milwaukee Public School Board, State Superintendent of Schools Election Apr. 3
Do you remember what it was like for bisexual, transgendered, lesbian and gay high schoolers? On Tuesday, April 3rd, you can help change bad memories into progress.
Bisexuals can be proud after this year's public school 5th district primary, as 'out' bisexual, Jennifer Morales, received nearly twice as many votes as her incumbent rival, Milwaukee School Board President Bruce Thompson. The final primary result was Morales 1,538 to 835 for Thompson.
However, this exciting news does not yet place Morales on the Board, because primary elections are set up to simply eliminate all candidates but the top two vote-getters - who will go head-to-head April 3. The race is expected to get much tighter as we head towards this date, as Thompson is sure to start using seriously the power of his incumbency and his office of the School Board Presidency to mount a strong campaign.
Morales, a previous Bi Definition member, volunteer and Bi All Means! writer, is an active mother of two MPS students, UWM School of Education policy expert, published author on education reform, and supports domestic partner benefits for MPS staff. She was quoted as saying, "I would make sure that MPS staff and students are fully informed of their obligation to treat each other with respect, and the consequences of not doing so . . . [encouraging] staff to report and address in a timely manner any harassment of, or violence against LGBT students or staff."
This race likely will have the brightest spotlight, and involve the highest level of spending of this year's school board races. Should Morales win the general election, she would become the first Hispanic, and first 'out' bisexual member of the school board.
While only east side residents and those south to Lincoln Avenue. will be able to vote for the four year, district 5 school board term, all Wisconsin residents can vote for the next State Superintendent of Public Schools. This position helps direct Wisconsin education policy from top down¾including non-discrimination policies, encompassing LGBT students.
In this race for Superintendent, the candidate of choice here also seems obvious, but the winner far from certain. LGBT community friend, Elizabeth Burmaster, will take on Linda Cross who, among other items, supports blurring the separation between church and state. This race is so close that in the February primary, Cross received a leading 23% of the vote compared to Burmaster's 22%.
Burmaster, like Morales, supports holding all schools who receive public tax dollars to the same anti-discriminatory policy standards. Elizabeth Burmaster is endorsed by such notables as HRL-PAC, InStep News, U.S. Rep. Tammy Baldwin and the outgoing Superintendent John Benson. Burmaster has twenty-five years of experience as a teacher and administrator in grades K-12.
With the BECAUSE conference happening the first weekend in May and conflicting with the traditional first Saturday of the month Bi Definition meeting, May will only have one Bi Definition meeting, which will be Tuesday the 21st. Our discussion will be “Bisexual Activities at Pridefest” and will include information on volunteer opportunities, discussion of planning social events as a group at Pridefest, Bi Definition parade participation and other Pridefest oriented ideas, concerns, and plans.
In June, we will focus on “Bisexual Self-Discovery Stories.” What made us realize we were Bi or question our sexual identity? How did that experience shape how we view being Bi, and how we view ourselves? Did it change how we view other people, and if so, in what ways? Join us as we explore this topic on Saturday, June 2nd and Tuesday, June 19th.
“What is a Friend? Lover? Partner?” will be July’s discussion topic. How do we define these and related terms? Are the categories completely separate or do they overlap? What do we look for in a friendship? In a sexual relationship? In a romantic relationship? In a committed partnership? When we meet someone new and are considering whether he or she will fit into one or more of these kinds of relationships, are the things we look for completely different, or basically the same? Does being Bi affect how we answer any of these questions? Does the gender of this new acquaintance affect how we answer any of these questions? We're not looking for "the right answer", just a good discussion and a better understanding of the ways we're different and/or alike as. So join us on Saturday, July 7th and Tuesday, July 17th.
How out are we, really, and what is our position in society? Do we actually even have one? How is it that we express ourselves that anyone would know we are any different than anyone else, and if we do express ourselves as different, how do we show ourselves as being who we are and what do we hope to accomplish? On Saturday, August 4th and Tuesday, August 21st, we will be discussing “To Flame Or Not To Flame?”
For information or confirmation on any Bi Definition event listed,
contact Nikki at (414)774-5055
or write: Bi All Means!, C/O LGBT Center, 170 S. 2nd Street,
Milwaukee, WI 53204.
Bi Definition socials/discussions are held on the first Saturday
and third Tuesday of each month @ 7:00 p.m.
at the Milwaukee LGBT Community Center, 170 S. 2nd Street.
April
Sat. 7 @ 7 p.m. Bi Definition Social/Discussion. Topic: “Let's
Talk About Sex” LGBT Community Center, 170 S. 2nd St.
Mon. 2 Bi? Shy? Why? Madison. Info: (608) 255-8582.
Sat. 14 @ 7 p.m. Gemini Gender Group meeting. Info: 297-9328.
Tues. 17 @ 7 p.m. Bi Definition Social/Discussion. Topic: “Let's
Talk About Sex” LGBT Community Center, 170 S. 2nd St.
May
Mon. 7 Bi? Shy? Why? Madison. Info: (608) 255-8582.
Sat 5 @ 7 p.m. Bi Definition Social/Discussion. Topic: No meeting
due to the BECAUSE conference.
Sat. 12 @ 7 p.m. Gemini Gender Group meeting. Info: 297-9328.
Tues. 15 @ 7 p.m. Bi Definition Social/Discussion. Topic:
“Bisexual Activities at Pridefest”
LGBT Community Center, 170 S. 2nd St.
June
Sat. 2 @ 7 p.m. Bi Definition Social/Discussion. Topic: “Bisexual
Self-Discovery Stories” LGBT Community Center, 170 S. 2nd St.
Mon. 4 Bi? Shy? Why? Madison. Info: (608) 255-8582.
Sat. 9 @ 7 p.m. Gemini Gender Group meeting. Info: 297-9328.
Tues. 19 @ 7 p.m. Bi Definition Social/Discussion. Topic: “Bisexual
Self-Discovery Stories” LGBT Community Center, 170 S. 2nd St.
July
Sat. 7 @ 7 p.m. Bi Definition Social/Discussion. Topic: “What
is a Friend? Lover? Partner?”
LGBT Community Center, 170 S. 2nd St.
Mon. 2 Bi? Shy? Why? Madison. Info: (608) 255-8582.
Sat. 14 @ 7 p.m. Gemini Gender Group meeting. Info: 297-9328.
Tues. 17 @ 7 p.m. Bi Definition Social/Discussion. Topic: “What
is a Friend? Lover? Partner?”
LGBT Community Center, 170 S. 2nd St.
Fri 27 - Sun 29 BiDefinition Annual Camping Trip. Info:
(414) 29909612.
August
Sat. 4 @ 7 p.m. Bi Definition Social/Discussion. Topic: “To
Flame or Not to Flame?”
LGBT Community Center, 170 S. 2nd St.
Mon. 6 Bi? Shy? Why? Madison. Info: (608) 255-8582.
Sat. 11 @ 7 p.m. Gemini Gender Group meeting. Info: 297-9328.
Tues. 21 @ 7 p.m. Bi Definition Social/Discussion. Topic: “To
Flame or Not to Flame?”
LGBT Community Center, 170 S. 2nd St.
Weekly
Wednesdays 7-9 p.m. Bi Definition Office Hours
Words can not express how glad I am to be writing another Bi the Editor! In January, the dead of winter when all things are sleepy and slow, the bisexual community came together and helped to revitalize Bi Definition. You hold in your hands one of the fruits of that revitalization, and within these pages there are new additions, new dates set for new events, and new opportunities for bisexual community.
As I write this, the spring sun is out warming the world. There are many bisexual activities coming up this spring, including the BECAUSE conference and Pridefest. But more than anything, I am looking forward to attending the regular Bi Definition meetings; having almost lost them, I have a new appreciation for the way these meetings and the bi community enrich my life.
To those of you who came forward at the January crisis meeting to help, and to those of you who have taken up some of the on-going tasks that keep Bi Definition alive and well, I give my sincerest thanks. May spring find us continuing to grow healthy and strong.
Bi for now,
Nikki
The following column is designed to assist those who have a desire to make a difference for the bisexual community, without getting over-extended, bored or confused.
The Limitations of Tonghzi
In Chinese society the term 'tonghzi' refers to not only gay men, lesbians, bisexuals and transgendered individuals, but conceptually to anyone who is, or is perceived to be outside of the cultural norm.
When I first read about this, it was explained that bisexuals were not thought of as the "black sheep" of tonghza¾as bi's often are within the LGBT community in other societies¾because of the exceptionally harsh treatment towards all of these minorities in Mainland China. These sub-cultures originally embraced each other out of pure necessity; to unify against a common oppressive dictatorship.
Thinking about this, I couldn't help but see a similarity between Chinese tonghzi and the North American sexual liberation movement of decades past. During those times here in the States, "free love" was all the rage. The original term 'Gay' essentially meant anyone not completely straight. One didn't have to be 100% homosexual to qualify. Because of this inclusiveness, bisexually behaving women and men had no need for a separate movement because biprejudice from homosexuals was practically non-existent. They couldn't afford to slam the door on anyone.
Then because of the growing visibility and organizing power of that "gay community," heterosexual America became fearful that cracks were emerging in their idea of a perfect world. Often they lashed out both verbally and physically against our predecessors, and of course continue to do so today to a lesser degree.
Because of relative privilege within society over the rest of their same-gender loving community, young, white homosexual men began to dictate to, and dominate the rest of the community with little regard for those left behind.
Not wanting to have their issues ignored, gay women eventually began to organize for themselves a more self-concerned lesbian community. By embracing this new identity, lesbians not only developed a strong name to rally behind, they took back visibility and power that had been lost when homosexual men turned inward. While continuing to work in harmony with these men when issues allow, lesbians now realize that they also have additional issues to deal with, such as invisibility, misogyny, "old maid" syndrome, often financial hardship, etc.
Today in many parts of the world, bisexuals and transgendered people are also organizing our own respective communities to address specific issues, yet we come together with the rest of our homo and trans community members when our issues coincide. This continues primarily for the same reason that lesbians had organized separately before us; often bi's have been left behind by people who should know better. A separate bisexual movement is needed because we have additional issues to that of gay men and lesbians, including biphobia and biprejudice from many in both the homo and heterosexual communities.
Although the bisexual movement has been the primary instrument in creating the LGBT, GLBT or BTLG inclusive community phrasing¾thus improving drastically the awareness and legitimacy of the existence of bisexuality¾I fear that these labels may be having a similar effect to that which the word 'Queer' has had. Queer has practically become a synonym of the word homosexual, leaving many bisexual and transgendered issues unaddressed. By adding B and T to L/G, are we telling homosexual women and men that we have no politics ourselves? Some gays and lesbians accuse bisexuals of just that; "Go create your own community," they often tell us.
Gay/lesbian separatism, quickly evolving into gay/lesbian self-empowerment, is happening for a reason: It's human nature for people to concern themselves with themselves first. While it is also smart not to alienate others, bisexuals should not ignore human nature.
While I don't know what's going to happen in China with "tonghzi", I believe that I have a pretty good idea. After viewing as many queer-related, English language Chinese web sites from within and outside mainland China as I could find, it appeared that some of the older articles sometimes used the phrase 'tonghzi', but many, if not most of the more recent articles dropped this label favoring the phrase, "gay men, lesbians and other sexual minorities." Just as in the West, bisexual and transgendered individuals are often reduced to the infamous and hollow "other."
The limitations of the identity 'tonghzi' appear to be strikingly similar to the limiting factors of 'gay' from a bisexual perspective. Both terms might have remained acceptable for the entire LGBT community, had a flexible umbrella of inclusiveness remained open.
A Meditation on Love and Laughter
Love is a connecting force, an attraction between two or more beings. Love can be a quiet bond, a blazing fire, a gentle flow, an irresistible pull, a rushing torrent; love can manifest as a physical merging, an emotional connection, a spiritual union, or any mix of these elements. Love can work in conjunction with desire, with joy, with lust. Love can also work in conjunction with anger, jealousy, fear.
I was telling a friend the other night that my problem is I fall in love too easy and too often. And to complicate matters, I fall in love without regard for the gender of the other person. This is a problem not because love is a problem, but because of all the baggage and shit we all end up dragging into the realm of love with us. All the old wounds, the old hurts, all of the old insecurities, jealousy and the disappointment of expectations, not to mention issues of sexuality and gender. We also bring patterns of relating and interacting that are in-and-of-themselves detrimental to love being successful or enjoyed unmolested, untainted; we are all trained to see the world in terms of competition, that there is a limited amount to go around, so there must be winners, and there must be losers. This worldview suffuses everything with fear, especially love.
This is why I prefer to fall in love with trees and sunsets. This is in-love uncluttered, uncomplicated and pure. No one gets jealous or possessive. There are no unrealistic expectations. And I have never been hurt by a sunset or a tree. The sun is the sun, and as such it will rise, shine its way across the sky and finally set. I do not own the sun, nor do I expect the sun to shine only on me, but this does not dilute or sully my enjoyment of the sun’s warmth. And the sun doesn’t ask anything of me except that I bask in its radiance as freely given. We appreciate each other’s strengths and weaknesses, our holiness and our shortcomings, and with all of that knowing, we indulge in a mutual love. What bliss! What sublime ecstasy! How can you have too much of this?
I found this quote by Marlo Morgan today in her book Mutant Message from Down Under: “But somehow, I knew that the importance of healing physical health must be coupled with the real healing of humans, the healing of their wounded, bleeding, diseased, and injured eternal beingness.” We live in a world where all of us come to love wounded. Some are more deeply or critically wounded, and some are more recently wounded, but we all are wounded. This makes love¾a feeling that should be enjoyable and life-affirming¾a problematic experience. We can’t just love someone and celebrate the experience of that love. There are rules, and the rules are based on who owns who, what gender you are and what gender your lover(s) are, what your age is, how long you’ve known someone, who else the other has been or is involved with, and so on.
So we approach love with great care, often with trepidation, and with good reason. Or we shun love altogether, having already paid more than we could afford, trying to navigate the swamp we have turned love in to.
I can’t even begin to guess where we might start to transform this situation. I look at this massive, convoluted, heaving mess that we call modern society and I find myself at a total loss. The Bare Naked Ladies say it best, “. . . you try to scream but it only comes out as a yawn when you try to see the world beyond your front door.” I am floundering around in the same swamp as everyone else.
But, I think I’ve found the trick: laughter. Laugh as much and as often as you can. Especially about the things that frustrate and the things that hurt. Not that we shouldn’t also cry and scream and pout, but then we should laugh. I mean, think about it. Stop and look at us¾you have a mop of green, stringy moss on your head, and I have mud smeared on my face. The situation is absurd, we look ridiculous¾so why not laugh about it?
Love is an ideal we are not quite ready for yet. We get snippets and tastes of love as all it could be, but our world isn’t in any shape to support a full manifestation. We should savor the moments that do come, though. We should love as much and as deeply as we are able to bear. And we should laugh¾before, during, after, and ever after.
Bisexual Monogamy: Love is a Righteous Hard-on
By Viola
I take my girlfriend's hand before we enter the store, "I'll squeeze three times if the guy is working behind the counter." ("The Guy," is the first man ever to ask me if I want to, "Go out for a drink." We went on our date. He was nice, but no thanks. He called me persistently. In our last telecommunication he revealed that he was HIV positive; again, no thanks.)
We enter the store. Behind the counter stand a woman and a man. The man wears both a large goatee and facial piercings. I squeeze my girl's hand three times. The woman behind the counter says, "Hello." The man, greeting us¾but looking me in the eyes¾ asks, "How's it goin'?"
Girlfriend in tow, I browse the rear of the store. The woman and man remain standing behind the counter. After browsing, my girl and I approach the exit. The woman behind the counter bids us goodbye. I give her a smile, then look to the man's eyes. He appears preoccupied with a magazine. I wave goodbye in the direction of them both.
Exiting the store, I breathe easier. I squeeze my girl's hand as we walk down the sidewalk, "Does it bother you that I consider myself bisexual?" I don't wait for an answer, "In philosophy, I'm bisexual. In practice, I'm monogamous. In practice, I love you."
She continues holding my hand, as usual.
Hello readers! This is your Auntie Sasha, who is one of the Aunties trying to walk in the delicate footprints of the Sex Kitty. I realize that this is a big step for me, and I hope that my experience, even though it is limited, will be helpful. I want to be the Bisexual Auntie you always wished you had.
So! I thought that I would tell you a little bit about me. I've pretty much always known that I liked girls (Oh, the things that I would make Barbie and her best friend Midge do to each other!), but never really knew what that meant until a few years ago. Then, I realized that I REALLY liked girls, and still liked boys. This was interesting to try to explain to my husband, because your auntie likes being married and loves her husband.
Well, enough about me for now, send in your thoughts and questions; your Aunties will try their best to help.
Auntie Sasha
My dear friend, speak for yourself. I am not trying to walk in the Sex Kitty's footprints, my feet are far too big for that to be practical (my grandmother, when my feet got to be bigger than hers, told me I must have "good understanding").
I think the most important thing I want to say is that I want you all to know that any advice I give is meant for the consideration of the reader, and that I expect¾no, demand¾that the reader consider my advice carefully and only act on it if it seems like a good idea. In other words, if after you carefully consider my words, you think they will do more harm than good in your particular situation, DON'T do what I suggest. It's only advice, after all, and from someone who doesn't even know you at that. If my advice is useful to you, I'm glad; if not, well, while I hope this column will have better uses than becoming a liner for your gerbil's cage, it's your life. YOU have to live with the consequences of your decisions, not me. Make your best choices and I'll wish you luck.
As to who I am, well, I'm bi of course, and an Aunt. I've had various relationships that worked or didn't work, and have done my best to learn from both. I'm also polyamorous by nature and find Deity to be inherent in both the natural world and in people-though I admit that there's some people who I have trouble seeing the Goddess in at all. But on to the first question!
Auntie Kamala
Dear Aunties,
I'm married, but recently discovered I'm bisexual. I have been afraid to talk this over with my wife, and don't want to lose her, but I really need to explore at least a part of what it would be like to be with other men. I know I can't have sex with them without breaking my marriage vows, so I want to know, other than the obvious Tab A into Slot B thing, what is sex? How far can I go without breaking up my marriage?
Signed, Eager and Curious
Dear Eager,
Congratulations! Your self-discovery is about to put you on a strange
and wonderful journey. Your Auntie can truly understand why you're confused--there
is much more to happy same-sex (or even opposite-sex) physical relationships
than the "Tab A" and "Slot B" basics. However, as exciting as the physical
discoveries can be, please think about your current relationship. Do you
want to stay married? Or do you want to explore other relationships with
the ultimate goal of leaving your marriage? This is the ultimate decision
that you need to make, because this decision will color all of your future
actions. Please put some serious thought into this and try to find a way
to talk about this with your wife. It's her future too.
Auntie Sasha
Dear Eager,
My dear, unless you want to simply abandon this marriage, it isn't
the technical definition of sex that counts. Some people don't even want
to notice that their spouse is attracted to anyone else while others are
comfortable with kisses and hugs, but no more. And, in contrast, some people
are comfortable with their life partner having other relationships, and
instead feel hurt and violated if their spouse lies to them or neglects
to tell them something "Very Important" about their lives (and both being
bi and having another relationship are important).
Assuming you don't want a divorce, you need to think about the person you married and what matters to her. If you know full well your spouse gets jealous if you stare lustfully at some movie star, "sex" in the sense of hurting your marriage would probably include even kisses and handholding. If, on the other hand, your spouse points out attractive people with you and shares fantasies of attending orgies, you may be able to talk with her about polyamory or swinging with a real possibility of slowly transforming your lives and allowing you to explore without hurting each other.
Finally, each and every lie erects a barrier between you and your spouse. Some people are comfortable with a few barriers to intimacy, even in their marriages, but once there, a lie about something important will always be a hurdle you have to figuratively leap over. Your spouse may not know what the lie is, but she will know that there's something not right, because your knowledge about the lie will affect your behavior and your feelings of closeness, trust, and trustworthiness.
In an ideal world, I'd tell everyone with this question to talk to their spouse and find a way to explore their new interests that won't hurt their spouse, with full knowledge and consent on the part of everyone involved. In this less-than-perfect world, where not everyone values honesty more than monogamy, and where even the suggestion that you're interested in someone else would hurt some spouses, I have to concur with my sister-Auntie in saying you have to make your decisions based on your knowledge of your own situation, and in encouraging you to do so with a care for the consequences to you and to your family.
Auntie Kamala
How do I know I am Bisexual?
I know I am bisexual in spirit. I have never been one to settle for one or the other. And I also am Gemini, the sign of the twins. These parts of my life I feel make me aware of how I know I am bisexual, and how I am able to be in a relationship with either a man or a woman.
Lesley
Milwaukee
I have never been able to truly identify in any other way. I have always been attracted to the "qualities" that make up the person first, making their gender secondary. and it has never been the other way around. Have you ever experienced the "energy" or an aura that an individual can give off? It could be positive energy, confidence, intelligence, passion, compassion, etc. If I feel it and process it as attractive, then you got me. whether your male or female!! :)
Stefanie
Milwaukee
When I was very young, I simply assumed I would be attracted to men (and only men) because that was just "the way things are". As I grew older, however, I found that I was attracted to people based on their minds and spirits, or turned off by them for the same reasons, and that I didn't even need them to be unambiguously male or female to tell whether I found them attractive or unappetizing. Gender just isn't a dividing line for me. I suppose you could call me pansexual, but I don't really see the need to divide the community into tinier and tinier boxes. Do that long enough, and you end up with all of us being a minority of one.
Dandelion
Milwaukee
Because I'm willing to love anybody that I find loveable.
That thought is held without hesitation and so I must be
bisexual.
John
Milwaukee
Next quarter’s question:
What is your favorite bisexual song or character?
Poetry
Pussysmell Candlelight
Lighting the candle that was in your cunt
The pink candle I twirled carefully exquisitely
in and out your velvet vagina,
The candle I smelled later
your inner pussyaroma aura,
The candle, one of five I made in sixth grade,
dipping my wick in and out
deep vats of melted wax,
giving them to my mother for Christmas
she saving them rediscovering them
thirty years later giving them back to me
Me alone in my tent in the wilderness
night howling storm
rain plummeting dark November
burning them, candles made
before I even knew or guessed
wilderness existed,
Before a single orgasm blessed me,
Before I knew how babies were made
or discovered my tinkler
my little wiener
could grow huge and I
could spurt myself for joy
in the mirror,
Before I ever dreamed I’d love boys
and live with my boyfriend 22 years before
age 41
experience my first naked girlfriend ecstasy,
And the last candle remaining sensuously played with
in and out my first girlfriend
of my life’s vagina,
Now yellow flame illuminating
my darkened writingroom
Me here alone writing
by pussycandlesmell light
Smoking a joint dedicated
to the wilderness
And all the times we made love.
Antler
Blowjobscope
When we look into space
we look back in time,
When we give a blowjob
we suck eternity.
Erections are telescopes!
Look through with your mouth
more than your eyes!
Your mouth can suck better
than your eyes can see!
Your nose can smell more
while blowing a boy
than your eyes see
gaping galaxies.
Give blowjobs to exploding universe!
Give blowjobs to boypenises whose atoms were
created billions of
years ago in stars that lived
and died before the
sun and earth existed!
Every spermcell is a star.
Every ejaculation is a galaxy.
Cocksuckers are astronomers
as much as astronomers!
Look through the most powerful telescope on earth
and see stars come
in your eyes
but put your lips
to the eyepiece
nothing happens.
Who gives a blowjob
tastes the stars,
Tastes the birth of stars, planets, life,
joy, sorrow, death,
eternity!
Suddenly a world of pure energy
flashes into being!
Give blowjobs to the faint afterglow
of the origin of the
Universe!
Sucking a boy off with pure love
is cosmic gazing
starry nightsky.
Antler
These poems are from Antler's just published “Selected Poems.” A signed copy of this book can be ordered directly from Antler by sending a check (made payable to Antler) for $16 ($14 cover price plus $2 postage & handling) to Antler c/o Inland Ocean, P.O. Box 11502, MIlwaukee, WI 53211.
