Volume 5, Number
2 ( Summer 2000)
ssss Articles
Bisexual-ful Summer Planned
sssssssssThe
Millennium March
Bisexual Summer Fun Begins At
Pridefest
sssssssssCommunity
Center Says No to Library Bi Section
BECAUSE 2000 - A Great Weekend
ssssCalendar
ssssColumns
sssssssssBi The Editor
sssssssssLetters
sssssssssUpcoming
Discussion Topics
sssssssssFinances
sssssssssHow Do
You Feel?
sssssssssNikki's Notions
sssssssssBisexual
Politics: Clear and Simple
sssssssssEphermeral
Essays
ssssOdds
and Ends
sssssssss Poetry
Disclaimer
Bi All Means! is a publication of Bi Definition, a bisexual social, support and activist organization in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. BAM is published quarterly and is offered to those on our mailing list on a subscription basis. To subscribe simply fill out this form.
Opinions expressed by writers in BAM are not necessarily those of the editors, publisher, advertisers nor the philosophy of Bi Definition. Any reference made to any individual or organization should not be construed as an indication of the same's orientation.
We reserve the right to edit any submission at our sole discretion.
Those who wish to contribute letters, articles, stories, poems or artwork
are encouraged to do so, and may have their names withheld if so desired.
Please provide text submissions typed double-spaced. Send all submissions
to: Bi All Means!/Bi Definition, c/o Milwaukee LGBT
Community Center, 170 S. 2nd St., Milwaukee, WI 53204, or e-mail bidef@netwurx.net
The unauthorized use of the ‘Bi Definition’ name is strictly
prohibited to members and nonmembers alike, except when written permission
is received from the current organizational leadership.
Vision Statement
Bi Definition shall provide a social, support and
activist organizational resource for bisexuals, people who do not like
labels and their allies residing in and visiting metropolitan Milwaukee,
WI. It shall work for equal rights and the liberation of all area bisexuals
and others who refuse strict heterosexual and/or homosexual personal identification.
Bi Definition will also collect and distribute information
on bisexuality.
Governance Statement
In order to insure that all minority opinions are
considered at business meetings, Bi Definition will use the consensus process
of decision making for governing.
Bisexual-ful Summer
Planned
Join Bi Definition for Summer Fun and Socializing
Inspired by the balmy spring weather, Bi Definition members pulled together to plan a plethora of activities for the warm months ahead. Members decided to offer events that would appeal to a variety of tastes, and events that would be low maintenance and high-fun yield.
Bi Definition Picnic & Volleyball: On Saturday, June 24th , Bi Definition members, friends, family and allies are welcome to a picnic at Washington Park. The park is located at 1859 N 40th Street. We have reserved Area #8, which is next to a volleyball court and a children’s playground. We will gather from noon until 4 p.m for eating, volleyball and relaxing with friends and family. For directions and dish sign-up, contact Nikki at 774-5055.
Jazz in the Park: This year, Bi Definition will take advantage of the wonderful Jazz series offered every Thursday night throughout the summer. We have picked two dates to gather as a group—July 6th and August 3rd. The concert runs from 6:30 to 9 p.m. Be Definition will secure a spot beginning at 5 p.m.—look for the pink, blue & purple balloons.
MAGIC Picnic, Madison: In Milwaukee, we have Pridefest, in Madison, there is the MAGIC Picnic. This year, the picnic will be Saturday, July 15th at noon. I was unable to obtain updated information by the time we went to print, but last year you could opt to pay $8.00 for all the food and drink you want, instead of bringing your own. To sign up for a carpool to this event, contact Nikki at 774-5055.
3rd Annual Bi Definition Camping Trip: This will be the third year in a row that Bi Definition members have done a group camping trip. The trip this year will be the weekend of August 11-13 and will be at the same campground and the same group site as last year; Greenbush campground in located about 65-70 miles north of downtown Milwaukee. The group campsite is secluded, and people who went last year say it was a perfect place and a wonderful time. Cost is minimal—$49.50 for the weekend divided by however many come. To sign up, call Brenda at 263-4111.
Brewer’s Game & Tailgate Party: What’s a summer in Milwaukee without a Brewer’s game? Join Bi Definition for the Sunday, August 27th Brewer’s game. The game starts at 1:05 p.m. Bi Definition will set up a pre-game party spot in the parking lot starting at 10:30 a.m.—look for the pink, purple and blue balloons. For food sign-up and other information, contact Steve at 483-5046.
Dish Thursdays: The Thursday night Dish Bi Bar social hours have been changed from 8-9 p.m. to 9-10 p.m. just for the summer (June, July and August). It was felt that this would better accommodate busy summer social schedules. Besides, the outside deck at Dish is a great place to be after nine!
All of these great activities are in addition to our usual bi-monthly
meetings on the first Saturday and third Tuesday of the month.
The Millennium March
By Brenda Hanus
About 2 months ago, my friend Joanne asked if I would like to go to the Millennium March in Washington DC with her. She had attended the 1993 march and wanted to go again. I was on the fence about going, but decided to go as I knew I would enjoy going with Joanne even if the event did not turn out as expected.
After we ordered our plane tickets from Midwest Express, I started to find a fair amount of negative publicity about the march on the web. I became concerned that perhaps going would be a mistake. As I started finding other friends from Milwaukee who were going, I decided that I would enjoy the event, even if it was not the same as the other marches.
Joanne's girlfriend drove us to the airport. As we walked to departure gate, they held hands and I felt proud to be walking with them. We also met several other people who were going on a later flight. I started to get a nice warm feeling inside that this weekend was going to be special.
As we walked down the aisle to our seats, we looked around for any other family members on the plane. We did not see any others on our flight. After we finished our meal, our flight attendant Dean, stopped by our seats and gave us each a foil wrapped bundle of cookies for the march. We then talked about how he and his partner both work for Midwest Express. Dean said there were two other people on the plane also going to the march.
After we all checked in at the hotel, we all rode the Metro subway to Dupont Circle. We really enjoyed using the Metro to get around the city. At no time did we feel afraid or in danger. It was clean, well lit and very quick. On the way to Dupont Circle we continued to see gay couples holding hands and not afraid to be open about themselves. It was like PrideFest being all over the city. I hope some day, this will be a common sight.
At Dupont Circle, we walked around, visited some shops and got a bite to eat. Dupont Circle is like Boy's Town in Chicago with a large LGBT presence. It was fairly crowded, even though it was only Friday and people were still arriving. We did not stay too late as we had a busy weekend ahead.
During the day on Saturday, we attended the Millennium Festival on Pennsylvania Avenue. This was somewhat like our PrideFest but much larger. We also walked over to the mall area to see the preparations for the rally on Sunday. The crowd continued to grow during the day. The weather was almost perfect, sunny and warm.
That night we attended the Equality Rocks concert at RFK stadium. The stadium was filled. The concert consisted of brief sets (about 20 minutes) of a large number of diverse performers. Between a number of the sets, the large screens were used to show brief presentations on problems still facing our community. It was both a fun and serious evening.
The most emotional point occurred when several families of hate crime victims spoke to us. Mathew Shepherd's parents and two family members of the black man who was dragged to his death in Texas spoke to us. I really admired their strength to do what they did.
Another high point was when Ellen came on stage. She received a long, standing ovation. I had read an article about Ellen where she had stayed away from the 1993 march because she was afraid being seen there might hurt her career. She was really unhappy not coming and decided she would be at the next march.
Her partner Anne Heche also spoke to us. The thing I most remember from her talk, was not really understanding discrimination, until it happens to you. Anne did not realize she gay until she fell in love with Ellen. Their relationship had an immediate and negative effect on her career and the rest of her life. Being transgendered, I feel I understand discrimination at a different, yet similar level after my own experiences as I transition.
On Sunday we attended the march and rally. The Wisconsin group was near the end of the march, so we waited near the start of the march route. We were able to watch most of the march and join our group as they walked by.
National organizations such as PFLAG were the first part of the march. PFLAG had a national conference on Friday. There were a large number PFLAG groups from all over the country. I always get teary eyed when PFLAG marchers walk by as I can both understand and feel the pain families go through dealing with LGBT issues.
I am also very pleased with PFLAG's efforts in dealing with Transgender family issues. They have published both a Transgender information booklet and a Transgender Family stories book. I feel they have gone well beyond just adding "transgender" to their mission statement. I attend local PFLAG meetings and feel very welcome. I feel PFLAG helped me in coming out to my family and my family's growing acceptance of me. PFLAG will always have a special place in my heart.
After all the national LGBT groups passed, almost every state had a group of people marching. I was amazed by the large number of marchers from southern states, especially Georgia and Texas. I guess I expected less marchers from some of the conservative areas of the country. It was really nice watching the almost endless number of people walking by. The whole march lasted over 3 hours. Again the weather was sunny and warm.
When the Wisconsin group appeared, we joined them. It was really special marching with our group. I knew a large number of people in our group, which made it very enjoyable. They had a number of Wisconsin gay cheers, which the people watching really enjoyed. I felt proud to be marching with Wisconsin; the first Gay rights state.
After the march, we attended the rally in the mall. It lasted until 6 PM. I enjoyed listening to most of the speakers. I noticed almost every speaker was careful to say Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgendered when they referred to our community. However actual discussion of Bi or Trans issues was extremely limited. I am not sure if this was due to limited availability of qualified speakers or a decision to limit the topic to mainly Gay and Lesbian issues.
On the plane trip back, we were surrounded by LGBT family members. We had four women in front of us, two men next to us and two directly behind us. It was a neat way to end a very special weekend.
I am happy I went to this event, even though I think it was not as significant from the viewpoint of political activism as previous marches. Perhaps that is due to progress being made in many areas in our movement. The event was more "commercial" than previous marches and less "grass-roots." I feel this reflects our progress in being more acceptable to the mainstream world.
One thing I will remember for a long time is seeing everyone being themselves
and not afraid to act like the rest of the world acts everyday. Someday
I hope this will occur all the time, not just every 5-10 years.
That is my dream.
Bisexual Summer Fun Begins At Pridefest
Bi Definition will have many roles to play at Pridefest this year.
For the first time ever, Bi Definition will be entering a float in the Friday night parade. To walk with the Bi Definition float and our new banner, meet at the front gate on Friday, June 9th at 7 p.m. The parade starts at 7:30 p.m. sharp, so don’t be late! Our float will feature great bisexual music to walk to.
Once again, Bi Definition will be working at Pridefest as one of our fundraising events. This year, we will be working the mug sales booth. It is located by the Miller stage in a prime people and stage watching spot. Last year’s volunteers had a fantastic time working at Pridefest; it is an easy and fun way to support Bi Definition. To sign up for a shift, contact Brenda at 263-4111.
Steve has generously volunteered to run the Bi Definition information table for the whole weekend again. This year we will make this the official Bi Definition meeting spot, and will make a message board available to make hooking up with friends easier. Come by to visit with Steve, maybe give him a break, and connect with other bi friends, family and allies.
Finally, Bi Definition will be doing a presentation at the Stonewall
Tent on Saturday at 4 p.m. “Are You Straight? Are You Gay?
Are You Sure” will start with bisexuals sharing their stories, followed
by a workshop on the Klein G
Community
Center Says No to Library Bi Section
By Carol Ringo
The LGBT Community Center has changed its mind about including a separate bisexual section in its library, an idea once approved of by Center Director Neil Albrecht.
Albrecht initially stated in a 3/29/00 e-mail communication that "separate, easily identified sections for bisexual and transgender issues is much more consistent with the vision and purpose of the library [than the current system]."
However, after a May 3rd meeting between Program Director Kathy Herbst and Bi Definition library liaison Carol Ringo, Herbst sent Ringo a letter approved by Albrecht stating that, “creating separate sections for various groups within the LGBT community (e.g., gender, race/ethnicity, disability) would not be in keeping with [the Center’s] vision.” The letter requested that Bi Definition consider the idea of “tagging” bisexual books with stickers, an idea Herbst knew had been rejected at a recent Bi Definition business meeting.
Bi Definition has been pushing for a separate section in order to ensure a strong and visible bisexual presence in the LGBT Center library. Under the current cataloguing system, only bisexual fiction books would be placed together on the shelf as gay fiction and lesbian fiction are now. Nonfiction bi books would be scattered throughout other sections of the library (such as “history” and “biography”), making them extremely difficult to locate visually.
Why would the Community Center object to a bisexual section in its library?
"The reason I was given was basically, 'If we do it for you, then we'll have to do it for everyone,'" said Ringo. "I sensed a lot of fear about different segments of the LGBT Community coming forward to claim library space, and the library not having the resources to handle the requests. In our case, however, this doesn't make sense because I told Kathy that Bi Definition would almost certainly be willing to take on the creation and upkeep of such a section."
"Personally," continued Ringo, "I think that if the Center name has a 'B' in it, then the 'B's' should be just as much a priority as the 'L's' and the 'G's'.”
The current library system is based on the original batch of book donations, the vast majority of which were gay and lesbian. Input was not solicited from the bisexual or transgendered communities when creating the library system, nor does it seem that there was any thought given to the possibility that the bisexual and transgender communities would be better served by a different cataloguing system.
Gay and lesbian issues used to be relegated to the psychology section in bookstores where they were difficult to find. Today you can go to any mainstream, straight bookstore and find a Gay and Lesbian section. And LGBT bookstores have now made a separate Bisexual section a standard practice.
All we are asking for is the same consideration—visibility. The
current library system reinforces bisexual and transgender marginalization
and invisibility.
To the Editor:
Congratulations on your fine publication. I am tempted to write,
“Our fine publication,” considering that you publish the only bisexual
newsletter in Milwaukee (that I know of), and do a damn fine job of it.
I have a great deal of trust in your publication as a, “Spokesperson,” for the movement. Your sensitivity to the diversity within the bisexual community is commendable.
In addition, Bi All Means! does not seem to hold an iron grip on its editorial practice. Printing the occasional swear word or an article on a, “Touchy subject,” does not appear to make the publication flinch—a breath of fresh air.
Your willingness to publish submissions from the community-at-large is generous and establishes a forum that I appreciate.
I look forward to what future issues of Bi All Means! hold in store.
Michael J. Wegner
Milwaukee
To the Editor:
I enjoy your publication very much and appreciate its integrity—both in the quality of the writing and the wide scope of articles.
I know of no other publication that is so encouraging of its readers to contribute to the discussion.
I hope that my submissions may be of use to Bi All Means! It is my pleasure to contribute both to a publication and a movement that I believe in.
Viola
Milwaukee
Bi Definition meets on the first Saturday and third Tuesday of every month at 7:00 p.m. for discussions about specific topics pertaining to bisexuality. All discussions are held at the Milwaukee LGBT Community Center, 170 S. 2nd Street.
Due to widespread interest in repeating the topic, June’s discussion will focus on “Polyamory: Myths & Reality.” Polyamory, like bisexuality, is open to many different definitions and mans different things to different people. How is “loving many” different than “loving one”? At this discussion, we will look at both the stereotypes of polyamory, and the reality of different people who have experience with this lifestyle. What does it mean to be faithful? What about trust? Isn’t it confusing and too complex? What about jealousy? Join us as we explore the polyamory topic on Saturday the 3rd and Tuesday the 2th.
In July our topic will be, “What resources do bisexuals want?” Bi Definition has worked to provide some resources that we think area bisexuals desire. Regular discussions, a newsletter, parties, Pridefest activities, camping, an office and a bisexual empowerment conference are just some of the activities we thought you’d like. But surely we are not perfect. There must be other ideas, dreams and fantasies for Milwaukee’s bisexual community. What about a bisexual film festival, art show, “Jack & Jill-off” parties, an ongoing bi cabaret, focus groups about bi marriage, youth, people of color, political action, HIV/AIDS issues, or (gasp!) a bi bar or our own resource/community center? Come tell us about your favorite bi, non-sexual fantasy on Saturday the 1st and Tuesday the 18th.
The bisexual movement usually speaks of our issues as if women and men experience bisexuality the same way. From a political standpoint, this may be necessary to provide a unified voice against oppression. But there are differences between how a bi man is received versus the way bi women are treated and understand their bisexuality. For example: while a bisexual woman is the fantasy of many a straight male, bi guys are stereotyped as disease vectors. And while a bisexual man’s additional interest in women is usually of little consequence to a gay man’s seductions, bi women who aren’t “penis pure and proud” are often not truly welcomed by lesbians because they believe bi women aren’t dedicated to feminist ideals. Please join us for “Differences & Similarities of Male & Female Bisexual Experiences” on Saturday, August 5th and Tuesday, August 15th.
With the second annual international Celebrate Bisexuality Day scheduled for September 23rd, this is a great month to examine just exactly what it is that we’re going to celebrate on the 23rd. For starters, we should begin by first looking inward. Are you proud of your bisexuality? Is orientation even something to be proud of, or should we be proud of a positive journey after realizing who we are? If you’re struggling with coming to terms with who you are, if you could wave a magic wand to make something happen to achieve happiness, what would that be? What advances, locally, regionally, nationally and internationally have occurred in the understanding of bisexuality? And what are the goals for the future? What insight does bisexuality have to offer the rest of the world? Please come help us pat ourselves on the back on as we discuss “Bisexual Pride” on Saturday, September 2nd and Tuesday, September 19th. And look for Bi Definition’s planned Celebrate Bisexuality Day festivities on Saturday the 23rd!
An annual Bi Definition membership includes discreet newsletter mailings
and free admittance to all events. Cost of a single gathering for nonmembers
is $5. For information on membership rates, see the membership
form. We also ask that you please refrain from wearing scented products
at the meetings.
An annual Bi Definition membership includes discreet newsletter mailings
and free admittance to all events. Cost of a single gathering for nonmembers
is $5. For information on membership rates, see p. 2, column 1 at the bottom.
We also ask that you please refrain from wearing scented products at the
meetings.
For information or confirmation on any Bi Definition event listed,
contact Nikki at (414)774-5055
or write: Bi All Means!, C/O LGBT Center, 170 S. 2nd Street,
Milwaukee, WI 53204.
Bi Definition socials/discussions are held on the first Saturday
and third Tuesday of each month @ 7:00 p.m.
at the Milwaukee LGBT Community Center, 170 S. 2nd Street.
June
Sat. 3 @ 7 p.m. Bi Definition Social/Discussion. Topic: “Polyamory:
Myths & Reality.” LGBT Community Center, 170 S. 2nd St.
Mon. 5 Bi? Shy? Why? Madison. Info: (608) 257-5538.
Fri. 9 @ 7:30 p.m. Pridefest Parade
Fri. 9 - Sun. 11 Pridefest
Sat. 10 @ 7 p.m. Gemini Gender Group meeting. Info: 297-9328.
Tues. 20 @ 7 p.m. Bi Definition Social/Discussion. Topic:
“Polyamory: Myths & Reality.” LGBT Community Center, 170 S. 2nd
St.
Sat. 24 @ 7 p.m. Bi Definition Picnic at Washington Park, Area
#8
July
Sat. 1 @ 7 p.m. Bi Definition Social/Discussion. Topic: “What
resources do bi's want?” LGBT Community Center, 170 S. 2nd St.
Mon. 3 Bi? Shy? Why? Madison. Info: (608) 257-5538.
Thur. 6 @ 6:30 p.m. Jazz in the Park
Sat. 8 @ 7 p.m. Gemini Gender Group meeting. Info: 297-9328.
Tues. 18 @ 7 p.m. Bi Definition Social/Discussion. Topic: “What
resources do bi's want?” LGBT Community Center, 170 S. 2nd St.
August
Thur. 3 @ 6:30 p.m. Jazz in the Park
Sat. 5 @ 7 p.m. Bi Definition Social/Discussion. Topic: “Differences
& Similarities of Male & Female Bi Experience.” LGBT Community
Center, 170 S. 2nd St.
Mon. 7 Bi? Shy? Why? Madison. Info: (608) 257-5538.
Sat. 12 @ 7 p.m. Gemini Gender Group meeting. Info: 297-9328.
Fri. 11 - Sun. 13 Bi Definition Camping Trip, Greenbush, WI
Tues. 15 @ 7 p.m. Bi Definition Social/Discussion. Topic: “Differences
& Similarities of Male & Female Bi Experience.” LGBT Community
Center, 170 S. 2nd St.
Sun 27 @ 10:30 a.m. Brewer's tailgate party and game.
September
Sat. 2 @ 7 p.m. Bi Definition Social/Discussion. Topic: “Bisexual
Pride” LGBT Community Center, 170 S. 2nd St.
Mon. 4 Bi? Shy? Why? Madison. Info: (608) 257-5538.
Sat. 9 @ 7 p.m. Gemini Gender Group meeting. Info: 297-9328.
Tues. 19 @ 7 p.m. Bi Definition Social/Discussion. Topic: “Bisexual
Pride” LGBT Community Center, 170 S. 2nd St.
Sat. 23 2nd annual Celebrate Bisexuality Day
Weekly
Wednesdays 7-9 p.m. Bi Definition Office Hours
Thursdays 7-9 P.M. Bi Definition Bar Social, Dish,
235 S. 2nd St.
This spring has seen passion bloom in the Bisexual community in multiple places.
Local politics have ignited controversy surrounding the Milwaukee LGBT Community Center Library, as detailed by Carol Ringo in her article (see front page). Once again bisexual concerns are glossed over by L/G community activists, leaving us frustrated with unanswered questions. How can we make Bisexual inclusion an active reality and not just a token ‘B’? Is there something more the Bi and Trans community can do to foster a more positive relationship with the Lesbian/Gay community? These are not new questions; hopefully we will be able to use the passion evoked by this issue to further communication and understanding within the Queer community.
Passionate planning for BECAUSE 2001 continues, newly inspired by this year’s conference in St. Paul, Minnesota. A weekend of Bisexual politics, Bisexual workshops, and Bisexual fun and socializing energized Bi Definition members who attended the conference in April. The Saturday “Fantasy Dance” was especially inspiring of passion . . . (Check out the newly updated Bi Definition scrapbook for a photo essay of this event.)
This issue of BAM! includes passionate poetry, and letters from readers who were inspired to add their voices to the Bi community. The lusty spring weather has also inspired us to plan a whole summer full of Bi activities, and has given us a renewed passion for the Thursday gatherings at Dish (make sure to check the outdoor patio for us).
Only time will tell what fruit will be born of these multi-layered, diverse passions. It looks like we’re in for a hot and heady summer!
Bi for now,
Nikki
The following column is designed to help those who have a desire to make a difference for the bisexual community without getting over extended, bored or confused.
Beyond Essentialist v. Constructionist Identity Theories
An age-old debate focusing on identity politics brings up the dichotomy of essentialist versus social constructionist arguments of how we look at self-identity.
In short, essentialists state that sexual identity is a constant. While there may be different names for any given identity across cultures and degrees across eras, an essentialist viewpoint believes that human beings are born with certain biological proclivities. The opposite view, social constructionism, believes that people’s ideas of their identities are developed by the society in which they live.
The essence of the difference between the two isn’t solely about “nature versus nurture,” but social constructionists espouse that it’s also about the meaning of an individual’s sexual identity, which may vary from culture to culture.
But, in an attempt to show that we would be better served to focus on sexual “orientation” rather than identity, I will strive here to actually go beyond this inadequate debate altogether, in order to provide a vision into what I believe is a more telling universal quality.
I do believe that both essentialist and social constructionist aspects play large roles in how everyone views themselves. Many people believe that because of the need for reproduction as a species, we are all born heterosexual, and only because of ill [sic] societal influence, would we take part in homosexual behavior. Of course, to defend themselves, most gay and lesbian-identified individuals respond that, “a tenth of all people are born with only same gender sexual interests, and will only get involved with someone of another gender as a lie—an “easier” ride through life. Heterosexual privilege.” Both of these views from supposedly opposite points on the spectrum speak of essentialist beliefs.
On the other hand, social constructionism plays a much larger role in the lives of both of these homo and hetero-identified people’s beliefs than either may fully realize. As with religion, there is a tremendous amount of pressure to conform. Christians indoctrinate youth from birth by starting with baptizing them. Heterosexuals start by assigning babies pink or blue. Homosexuals, when hearing that someone isn’t 100% straight, ignore any interest that the person may still have in heterosexuality, and call them “gay.”
My belief is this: Sexuality essentialism is humanity’s truth, or everyone’s orientation. And sexual social constructionism is how we present ourselves to the world—our identity. Because we are all the offspring of both a female and a male, we are all born with the capacity to be intimate with either a woman or man, with only degrees of preference. While we usually choose one gender or another for a relationship, it’s just that, a choice. And yes, for the same reason, I believe that while we have genitalia and usually other outward physical characteristics that are recognized as male or female, inside we all encompass maleness and femaleness to certain degrees.
As Freud insightfully stated, “Bisexuality is the state of the human condition.” It is humanity’s “orientation.” Therefore, because we all have this quality in us, it really is not an orientation at all. But for sake of ease of communication, the word orientation serves a more truthful purpose than does “identity.” Only due to a simplistic, bipolar society pushing and pulling us, and our highly limited understanding of our own sexuality, do people choose to construct a different identity than the complete truth.
A perfect example of this is biraciality. The very fact of a biracial person’s biology, which of course includes DNA, is that when babies are born to people of different races, the essence of these people encompasses both of the parent’s races. Thus the term, “biracial.” Unfortunately, like gay and straight-identified individuals, many of these naturally occurring “rainbow babies” will grow up to reject the lesser apparent aspect of the two races in a sad attempt at acceptance, or out of simple mis-education.
Quite readily, I will admit that even among most prominent bisexual activist today, my personal understanding of bisexuality is considered “radical.” However, in a too cautious attempt to not offend, those not of this belief—that everyone is born bisexual but chooses their identity—are using a social constructionist-type point of reference.
I value “orientation” much more than identity. While I understand
that in an “us versus them” societal mentality it may be easier to “pick
a side,” I would rather be cast an outsider than deny my truth. I
believe that orientation is the bisexuality that resides in each and every
one of us, whether we recognize it or not. And I am looking forward
to the day when science proves it, so that bisexuality is finally shown
in the light that it deserves.
My father-in-law has a way of leaving out critical pieces of information when he tells stories. Take the grasshopper tale, for example. My spouse, my in-laws, and myself were sitting around the fire, sharing small talk and remembrances, when Dennis said, “Do you guys remember the grasshopper?” Kristi and Scott both shook their heads no. So he told us this story:
“We all went out for a family picnic. It was a beautiful spring day, and you kids found this grasshopper. It was huge--big as a brat. You wanted to keep it to play with, so I took this piece of string and tied it around its neck. You had lots of fun carrying it around, pretending to teach it tricks, taking turns walking it on your shoulders. You don’t remember this?”
Kristi and Scott looked at each other puzzled, shaking their heads. “Not at all.”
“Well, you kept it all afternoon, and when we packed up for the day, the grasshopper came with us. Last minute, we decided to go to dinner at Burger Hut. When we were getting out of the car, we realized we still had the grasshopper with us. So I said, “Time for the grasshopper to go, kids.” Then I untied the string and put it behind the back wheel of the car, and drove over it. Of course, once we got inside I realized that the whole restaurant had been watching us . . . Are you sure you don’t remember this?”
Kristi and Scott shook their heads, laughing but looking horrified.
“Of course they don’t remember it,” I spoke up, trying not to laugh, but not quite able to help myself. “It’s a traumatic childhood memory they had to suppress—watching their newest pet being publicly executed!”
“Oh, didn’t I say this was the year there was a grasshopper plague?” Dennis asked, “They were everywhere. They even got into our houses and ate up houseplants overnight. We would have been crucified if we had brought a grasshopper into the middle of town and let it loose!”
At this point, everyone is doubled over, laughing too hard to point out that we really did need that vital piece of information. I think we were all relieved to find that Dennis only sounded like a Father Knows Best version of the Marquis de Sade!
So, what does this have to do with bisexuality? As a married woman, I often find myself put into the “straight/wife” box, which I find insulting, two-dimensional and suffocatingly restrictive. The straight assumption misses a vital piece of information about me. My bisexuality, my attractions, color the way I look at the world. It plays a role directly and indirectly shaping my opinions and my tastes¾what music I like, the people I hang out with, what organizations I join, who I vote for, what books I read. The knowledge that I am bisexual is critical to understanding who I am. And understanding is critical to acceptance.
This is where heterosexual privilege becomes bisexual invisibility. Everywhere I go, I am assumed to belong to one of two, and only two, camps¾gay or straight. I have to be pretty loud and obnoxious to have my bisexuality recognized, let alone believed, respected or accepted. I wear Bi buttons and Bi jewelry (three triangles: pink, purple and blue); above the rainbow sticker on my car, I have a Bi flag sticker (pink, purple, blue); my picture and writings appear in this newsletter; and I make it a point to talk about my attractions for men and for women. And the world still assumes I am either straight or gay, depending upon whose hand I am holding at the time. Can you say “frustration”?
Sometimes I get tired of fighting against the dualistic assumptions of everyone¾gay and straight alike. Some days I just don’t have the energy to challenge the endless deluge of monosexism; this is not so much taking advantage of heterocentric privilege as it is being swamped by it. And, yes, sometimes it can be easier to slip into the invisibility of letting others think I am straight or gay rather than take the risk of hearing “bisexuals don’t exist” or “you just need to make up your mind” one more time.
That doesn’t mean I like it.
Ephemeral Essays
New bisexual writers emerge regularly and claim their place in Bi All Means!. They may stay as columnists or only momentarily delight us with their vision. We are very pleased to introduce them here.
Flirting with Free-Love
by Viola
At the club, she sat near me. We struck it up, and kept it up.
She asked, “May I kiss you?” I replied . . .
Later she asked, “Do you like to wear dresses?”
“Yes, I do.”
“Sun dresses that I can tear off of you?”
“Yes, though I don’t own any sun dresses.”
This as she applied lipstick to me.
Then we danced: Porno-romantic. We had the floor to ourselves.
We were informed that we may want to get off the floor so the bouncer wouldn’t
boot us.
We sat in a corner, my arm around her. She asked if I would be
her boyfriend. I replied . . .
We held hands as she walked me to my seat for her next show.
I almost hate myself for being that, “Lucky motherf__er,” in the crowd.
But I don’t.
She participated in the show—but kissed another.
I’m a flower child for sure, yet I crave sincerity. I suppose
that she was being herself, and I can take it or leave it: simple as that.
I just hate to think about germs. Call me paranoid or call me
German. Practicality has its own vocabulary.
Although it doesn’t quite feel like I have a new girlfriend I guess—and
am glad—that I do.
BECAUSE 2000—A Great
Weekend
By Deb Anderson
Friday, April 7th, 2000 didn’t start out like a typical spring day. First, we were on our way to the BECAUSE conference in St. Paul instead of heading off to work, and, second, we were driving into a snowstorm.
The BECAUSE letters stand for Bisexual Empowerment Conference: A Uniting, Supportive Experience. Being bisexual and always in need of empowerment, this was the conference for me. We were not deterred from our destination—I think a hurricane wouldn’t have stopped us.
I personally was excited to attend my second BECAUSE conference. The workshops the previous year had been informative and fun. I hoped this year’s workshops would be as good.
We had chosen to stay at a local hotel—one it turns out Gorbachov was staying at too, although he didn’t attend the conference—instead of using home hospitality, which was offered. We checked in, dropped off our bags, and headed off to the conference.
I was not to be disappointed. The keynote speakers were well prepared, as were the workshop leaders. The food each morning was good, and the dance was a huge hit. Being that the theme was “Fantasy Dance,” we got to see people’s secret sides.
The only part of the weekend I didn’t like was having to leave and travel home.
I recommend this conference to anyone. The cost was not prohibitive, and public housing is available for free. Next year we will be hosting the conference in Milwaukee the first weekend in May. Hope so see you and your friends then!
For more information about BECAUSE 2001: A Bisexual Odyssey check out www.bisexual.org/because2001 The BECAUSE 2001 planning meetings are held the second Tuesday of each month. If you would like to help with the conference, contact Steve at 483-5046.
Finances &
Fun: Bi Bits by Brenda
Brenda Hanus
Fundraising
I would again like to thank Nikki for being responsible for the first Talent Show fundraiser. The show had a nice mix of acts and was enjoyed by all attending. I hope we can do one next year. I would also like to thank all who performed and the others who helped with the show production. This event again showed how we can keep the "fun" in fundraising.
For our next fundraising event, Bi Definition will be staffing the Mug Booth at PrideFest. This event is important for both the money raised and the visibility gained. Also people really seemed to enjoy doing it. Volunteers will be able to both talk with other Bi Definition members and enjoy the Miller stage acts while working the Mug Booth.
I am very pleased that many members of our group are willing to work an extra shift if needed. This dedication of our members to help support an important fund raising event is what makes Bi Definition special to me.
What is flirting?
Here are your responses:
Flirting is the fine art of making “luv” with your eyes.
Michelle
Milwaukee
Flirting is more experiential for me. I like flirting but I’m
not very good at it when I’m aware of my actions. It comes very natural
to me when I’m not aware. Flirting is when I can make someone I realize
I’m attracted to laugh.
Eric
Milwaukee
Thank you for sharing your unique point of view! Next issue’s question is:
How does bisexuality both enhance and hinder aspects of your life?
Please let us know your viewpoint! You may request your name be
withheld if you so desire but we will quote you in the next issue of Bi
All Means!
Poetry
Sexy
How sexy am I?
I'm as sexy as the first warm spring rain:
I put on my sandals to run out and dance and sing
To feel the water and mud between my toes
This is how my sexy goes.
How sexy am I?
I'm as sexy as the sun's warm rays:
I feel the bead of sweat upon my back
I feel it run down to my crack
This is how sexy we are in the sack.
How sexy am I?
I'm as sexy as the warm autumn dew:
As I walk it settles upon my face and breast
See my halo as the light passes to the west
This is how sexy I am at my best.
How sexy am I?
I'm as sexy as the sharp winter breeze:
As I walk down the street it lifts my skirt past my knees
It's icy fingers play with my labia for a tease
This is how sexy I am to please.
How sexy am I?
I'm as sexy as the spirit I hold within:
I want to let my spirit out to play
I want all to see how I'm sexy today
But society makes me hide my sexy away.
Angelica Dawn
