Volume 5, Number
1 ( Spring / 2000)
ssss Articles
Join
Bi Definition at BECAUSE 2000
sssssssssLet's
Have A LIbrary
Bi Scrapbook Party
sssssssssPridefest
ssssCalendar
ssssColumns
sssssssssAsk the
Sex Kitty
sssssssssBi The Editor
sssssssssLetters
sssssssssUpcoming
Discussion Topics
sssssssssStraight
But Not Narrow
sssssssssFinances
sssssssssHow Do
You Feel?
sssssssssNikki's Notions
sssssssssBisexual
Politics: Clear and Simple
sssssssssBarn Dance
sssssssssBisexual
Slogan Contest
sssssssssEphermeral
Essays
ssssOdds
and Ends
sssssssss Poetry
Disclaimer
Bi All Means! is a publication of Bi Definition, a bisexual social, support and activist organization in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. BAM is published quarterly and is offered to those on our mailing list on a subscription basis. To subscribe simply fill out the form on page 12 of this issue.
Opinions expressed by writers in BAM are not necessarily those of the editors, publisher, advertisers nor the philosophy of Bi Definition. Any reference made to any individual or organization should not be construed as an indication of the same's orientation.
We reserve the right to edit any submission at our sole discretion.
Those who wish to contribute letters, articles, stories, poems or artwork
are encouraged to do so, and may have their names withheld if so desired.
Please provide text submissions typed double-spaced. Send all submissions
to: Bi All Means!/Bi Definition, c/o Milwaukee LGBT
Community Center, 170 S. 2nd St., Milwaukee, WI 53204, or e-mail bidef@netwurx.net
The unauthorized use of the ‘Bi Definition’ name is strictly prohibited
to members and nonmembers alike, except when written permission is received
from the current organizational leadership.
Vision Statement
Bi Definition shall provide a social, support and
activist organizational resource for bisexuals, people who do not like
labels and their allies residing in and visiting metropolitan Milwaukee,
WI. It shall work for equal rights and the liberation of all area bisexuals
and others who refuse strict heterosexual and/or homosexual personal identification.
Bi Definition will also collect and distribute information
on bisexuality.
Governance Statement
In order to insure that all minority opinions are
considered at business meetings, Bi Definition will use the consensus process
of decision making for governing.
Join Bi
Definition at BECAUSE 2000
Ninth Annual Bisexual Conference in St. Paul, April 7-9
Bi Definition members and friends will carpool to Metro State University in St. Paul, Minneapolis on Friday, April 7th for BECAUSE 2000 (Bisexual Empowerment Conference: A Uniting, Supportive Experience).
This year’s theme, “Celebrating Our Stories,” will be supported by keynote speakers Carol Queen and Elise Matthesen. Queen is a doctoral candidate for the Advanced Study of Human Sexuality and writes about the erotic. Matthesen is a poet, writer, journalist and essayist whose topics include bisexuality and polyamory. There will be six other featured guest speakers including queer cartoonist Roberta Gregory. The weekend will also include over twenty workshops, a “fantasy” dance and a chance for you to tell your personal bisexual story in video or written word.
The cost of the conference is $30 on a sliding scale. Attendees are asked to pay more if they can, and less if they can’t; no one will be turned away due to lack of funds. Free communal housing has been arranged for those informing us of their need in advance. Car-poolers are asked to help share travel expenses.
BECAUSE is always the Midwestern bisexual event of the
year, so Milwaukeeans are encouraged to come to Bi Definition gatherings
in March to get details. You can also call Steve at 483-5046 or email
him at bidef@hotmail.com for more information.
Come
On, Already!
--Let's Have a Library that Truly Serves Bisexuals
If You Want it, Donate!
by Carol Ringo
How often have you looked for bisexual books in LGBT stores or alternative sections of local bookstores and found the same few nonfiction titles tucked underneath rows and rows of gay and lesbian fiction, scholarly works, photo collections and vignettes? How often have you noted that even the smallest transgender section dwarfs the largest bisexual one? Have you ever even considered attempting to browse through those "GL" or mainstream novels to try to find the bisexual characters and issues surely contained in many of them, but obscured by biased and over-simplified classification systems?
I don't know about you, but this is the last situation I want to see in the Milwaukee LGBT Center Library. Unfortunately, it's already starting. At the present youthful stage of the Center, there is no bisexual section in the "LGBT" library. Don Schwamb, The Community Center librarian, informs me that he is intending to create a Bi section, but he has seen very few, if any, bisexual material. The Center needs donations of Bi books, and they aren't going to come from gay and lesbian readers—that's for sure (with the exception of those that are narrowly categorized, which is another article). If Bi’s and their supporters don't rally together to make sure we are well represented in print on the shelves of our Community Center, it will be the same old depressing, aggravating, insulting situation.
You can help ensure that there is a sizeable bisexual section in the Community Center Library:
1. Transfer those nonfiction books that have bisexual titles and/or content from your personal library to the donation box on hand at Bi Definition meetings, or to the "New Arrivals" shelves during non-meeting hours. (Make sure to label the books “bisexual.”)
2. Dust off those novels that you enjoyed because of the Bi characters and story lines, and pop them into said box or same shelves.
3. Call Carol Ringo at 562-4058 with titles and authors of books you know to contain Bi perspectives, themes, characters or issues. The LGBT Center librarian will be informed of them so that, should they be donated, they will not be missed in the cataloguing process.
4. Volunteer to find books with bisexual interest, either by reading book reviews on the web or reading the books yourself. They will be added to the Library database.
5. Give money to Bi Definition and tell them to earmark it for new books that will be purchased and donated to the LGBT Community Center Library.
If you want to be part of Bi Definition's Book Drive and Library Bisexualization Project, call Carol Ringo at 562-4058 and give her a piece of your mind, your collection or your pocketbook.
Do it now. You know you want it.
Bi Scrapbook Party
Set
Saturday, March 22 at 7 p.m.
Bi definition has accumulated enough articles and photographs to host a second scrapbook making party.
Whether you have artistic ability and attended our previous scrapbook party or not, please mark your calendar and come help us to continue recording the history of bisexual community in the metropolitan Milwaukee area.
Plenty of pizza, chips and soda will be provided at the March 22 party
at the LGBT Community Center, 170 S. 2nd Street.
Summer
Festivals Kick-off with Pridefest in June
Bi Definition to volunteer again at the June 9-11 LGBT
Festival
This year Pridefest moves back to June and starts off the summer of festivals the weekend of June 9-11, 2000. This year’s theme is “Pridefest 2000: Proud from the Inside Out.” Besides the move to June, the biggest change this year will be moving the parade from Sunday morning to Friday evening. The parade is scheduled to begin at 7:30 p.m. Pridefest planners hope this will encourage parade participants to be more festive, perhaps by including lights.
Bi Definition will once again be participating in the festivities in a variety of ways. We have been asked to run the Pridefest souvenir mugs booth this year. Not only is this a way to raise money for Bi Definition, but last year’s volunteers also had a great time volunteering. To sign up for a shift, call Brenda at 263-4111.
There will again be a Bi Definition information table, and we will need volunteers to staff this as well. Both of these events give volunteers an easy way to meet and interact with the larger queer community, to have fun hanging out with other Bi’s, and to give back to Bi Definition. Look for sign up sheets at Bi Definition meetings.
Last, but not least, Bi Definition will be marching in the Friday night Pride parade. We will meet at the main gate at 7 p.m. Ideas for jazzing up our group for the march are welcome!
Other changes for Pridefest this year include looking into adding more
diverse food menus, more vendor space, and the possibility of a comedy
stage. There are also plans to make the event comfortable and fun
to attend even if it is rainy and/or cold. For more information you can
check out Pridefest online at www.pridefest.com or call (414) 645-FEST.
Dear Editor,
I was interested in your organization until I saw this [circled “slap
the silly bitch”]. It’s not meaningless, funny, trivial, trendy.
You lost me.
Signed E.M.
Editor’s Response:
Being that bisexuals come from expansively diverse backgrounds and
viewpoints, our policy is to censor as little as possible in the interest
of encouraging diversity, something we value greatly. Even though
the above phrasing used was done in fun and was not meant to be taken seriously,
the criticism of violent speech is a valid one. Upon review with
other Bi Definition members and the Business Manager, we have decided to
add critical scrutiny of violent and/or abusive word/words to the editorial
process.
Upcoming Discussion Topics
Definition meets on the first Saturday and third Tuesday of every month at 7:00 p.m. for discussions about specific topics pertaining to bisexuality. All discussions are held at the Milwaukee LGBT Community Center, 170 S. 2nd Street.
“Bisexuality and Feminism” will be March’s Bi Definition topic. What do bisexuality and feminism have in common? What is feminism anyway? Bisexuality and feminism both have similar ways of looking at the world, especially when it comes to power. Join us for an exploration of this topic on Saturday the 4th and Tuesday the 14th.
The topic for April will be “Humor and the Bi Movement.” We will look at what role humor plays in Bi social activism, in our personal lives and in the larger queer community, when dealing with issues of bisexuality. Humor can be used as a way to open up conversation, as a means to redress Bi stereotypes, and as an avenue to educate others. This topic fits in well with our first Saturday meeting falling on April 1st, or April Fools Day—join us on the first, or on Tuesday the 18th.
In “Flirting 101,” May’s discussion topic, we will encourage people to bring how-to stories about flirting. What works for you? Are there differences between flirting with men and flirting with women? What about differences between flirting with straight, gay/lesbian, or Bi people? Does age make a difference? What about class and race? We invite everyone to come share anecdotal stories and flirting tips on Saturday the 6th and Tuesday the 16th.
Due to widespread interest in repeating the topic, June’s discussion will focus on “Polyamory: Myths & Reality.” Polyamory, like bisexuality, is open to many different definitions and means different things to different people. How is “loving many” different than “loving one”? At this discussion, we will look at both the stereotypes of polyamory, and the reality of different people who have experience with this lifestyle. What does it mean to be faithful? What about trust? Isn’t it confusing and too complex? What about jealousy? Join us as we explore the polyamory topic on Saturday the 3rd and Tuesday the 20th.
An annual Bi Definition membership includes discreet newsletter mailings
and free admittance to all events. Cost of a single gathering for nonmembers
is $5. For information on membership rates, see p. 2, column 1 at the bottom.
We also ask that you please refrain from wearing scented products at the
meetings.
For information or confirmation on any Bi Definition event listed,
contact Nikki at (414)774-5055
or write: Bi All Means!, C/O LGBT Center, 170 S. 2nd Street,
Milwaukee, WI 53204.
Bi Definition socials/discussions are held on the first Saturday
and third Tuesday of each month @ 7:00 p.m.
at the Milwaukee LGBT Community Center, 170 S. 2nd Street.
March
Sat. 4 @ 7 p.m. Bi Definition Social/Discussion. Topic: “Bisexuality
and Feminism.” LGBT Community Center, 170 S. 2nd St.
Mon. 6 Bi? Shy? Why? Madison. Info: (608) 257-5538.
Sat. 11 @ 7 p.m. Gemini Gender Group meeting. Info: 297-9328.
Tues. 21 @ 7 p.m. Bi Definition Social/Discussion. Topic:
“Bisexuality and Feminism.” LGBT Community Center, 170 S. 2nd St.
Sat. 25 @ 7 p.m. Bi Definition Talent Show & Fundraiser.
LGBT Community Center, 170 S. 2nd St.
April
Sat. 1 @ 7 p.m. Bi Definition Social/Discussion. Topic: “Humor
and the Bi Movement.” LGBT Community Center, 170 S. 2nd St.
Mon. 3 Bi? Shy? Why? Madison. Info: (608) 257-5538.
Fri. 7-Sun. 9 9th Annual Midwest BECAUSE Conference in
St. Paul, MN. Info: (612)822-0127/503.
Sat. 8 @ 7 p.m. Gemini Gender Group meeting. Info: 297-9328.
Tues. 18 @ 7 p.m. Bi Definition Social/Discussion. Topic: “Humor
and the Bi Movement.” LGBT Community Center, 170 S. 2nd St.
May
Mon. 1 Bi? Shy? Why? Madison. Info: (608) 257-5538.
Sat. 6 @ 7 p.m. Bi Definition Social/Discussion. Topic: “Flirting
101.” LGBT Community Center, 170 S. 2nd St.
Sun. 7 1-5 p.m. Barn Dance Social and Fundraiser. LGBT Community
Center, 170 S. 2nd St.
Sat. 13 @ 7 p.m. Gemini Gender Group meeting. Info: 297-9328.
Tues. 16 @ 7 p.m. Bi Definition Social/Discussion. Topic: “Flirting
101.” LGBT Community Center, 170 S. 2nd St.
June
Sat. 3 @ 7 p.m. Bi Definition Social/Discussion. Topic: “Polyamory:
Myths & Reality” LGBT Community Center, 170 S. 2nd St.
Mon. 5 Bi? Shy? Why? Madison. Info: (608) 257-5538.
Fri. 9 @ 7:30 p.m. Pridefest Parade line-up at the main gate.
Fri. 9-Sun. 11 Pridefest. Summerfest Grounds.
Sat. 10 @ 7 p.m. Gemini Gender Group meeting. Info: 297-9328.
Tues. 20 @ 7 p.m. Bi Definition Social/Discussion. Topic: “Polyamory:
Myths & Reality” LGBT Community Center, 170 S. 2nd St.
Sun. 25 Pride Chicago-LGBT Parade & Rally downtown Chicago.
Weekly
Thursdays 7-9 P.M. Bi Definition Bar Social, Dish,
235 S. 2nd St.
This past quarter we received one letter to the editor. Just one. The letter was critical of some words used in one of our regular sections. The person makes a valid point and apparently it made them angry enough to write to us. It is unfortunate that we had to “cross the line” to get a response.
Bi All Means! is made possible by volunteers—all the editing, writing, production and distribution are done without monetary benefit to the individuals who do the work. Membership dues and ads barely cover the printing costs. So, why do we do it? Because we feel that a newsletter dedicated to bisexual needs, interests and concerns is critical to creating bisexual community; we believe this is an important and worthwhile endeavor.
We get about two or three letters from readers per year. This doesn’t give us much to go on. While the letter we received this time was negative, at least it was feedback.
We need to hear from you, the readers. We need you to tell us what we are doing that bugs you, and we also need to hear what we’re doing that works.
What you are reading here has been set down in black and white. It is permanent. However, this newsletter is not a set form. It is always in the process of being designed, shaped, created. We have hoped, and continue to hope, that this process will include and incorporate dialogue with our readers.
This is your newsletter—but only if you choose to join the conversation. We invite and welcome your participation.
Bi for now,
Nikki
K. Patrick Callahan
This column is intended to be a discourse to those of you who are
part of the gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender community from a heterosexual
man.
This article is written about the two women who live together who decided to have children. After much deliberation, they decided that the father would be David Crosby, the singer for the former group, Crosby, Stills and Nash.
There was a lot of media generated for this event and the question is why?
The fact that invitro fertilization is possible is not new. The first "test-tube" baby is now in her thirties. Male sperm banks have been around just as long so that is not news either.
And yet the media decided that this would be a good story. One wonders why.
The answer is that the two women in question are lesbian lovers who live together. This, it seems, is why the media chose to run this story. Again, why?
Some how, in today's society, women who are lesbian are looked upon as not being able to have children. What kind of nonsense is this? Even before invitro-fertilization, lesbian lovers were having children. The only difference was that the woman and the donor had to actually consummate their relationship for the pregnancy to occur.
Perhaps it is the prominence of the two women, one a musician, the other in cinema that promoted the media to focus their attention on these two. But again the question, why?
According to the report, this is the second child they have had. So, again this is not big news. The media chose to announce the big event two years after it actually happened (for the second child, six years after the first).
Both children seem to be in a very loving environment. Both are being raised, by all accounts, like any other children. Yet the media decided to focus on the fact that their parents are two women.
I wonder how much attention will be brought to bear on a gay male couple who decide they want children. I wonder if they will be met with the same resistance. I wonder if they will be allowed to live their own life without the media placing them in a fishbowl.
I'd like to think so, but there is no room in society yet for those who are different, for things that are not "normal," for people to live their lives in the every day humdrum of life.
Wouldn't that be nice?
The following column is designed to help those who have a desire to make a difference for the bisexual community without getting over extended, bored or confused.
Dan Savage: Friend or Foe?
Dan Savage is a gay sex advice columnist whose syndicated articles appear locally in the Onion, and previously The Shepherd Express (Metro).
To say that Savage gives biting criticism of bisexuality puts it mildly. But that doesn't mean that he's completely ignorant of the issue. If the reader can get past the tremendous hurt that his words can cause, his sometimes insightfulness can actually be of benefit to the bisexual movement. The big problem arises when trying to discern where the “tough love" starts and where bi-prejudice begins.
Over the years my thoughts have run the gamut. During my initial period of naiveté before and shortly after "coming out", and before I knew much of Savage's writings, I was in a phase of "most anything queer-related was good" because, "we are family."
Then, like any active and out Bisexual, I experienced bi-phobia and
bi-prejudice from many Gays and Lesbians. I now felt most anything Bi was
good, most things Gay/Lesbian were bi-prejudiced.
Now, while I still have tremendous difficulty with most Gays and Lesbians
regarding their attitudes about bisexuality, I am able to look for constructive
criticism, if it exists. With Savage's columns about bisexuality, there
is sometimes sound thoughts between the lines and below his very crude
style.
The one example of this that I felt comfortable relaying here is his
comment to an inquirer, "Bi-Male." Bi-Male asked, "Tell me where the clubs,
coffee houses and bars are where bisexual people can go. I used to go to
gay bars, but I would always end up in a big debate over
whether there is such a thing as bisexuality..." Savage replied, "Personally
I can't imagine anything more excruciating than the company of bisexuals.
Addicted as bisexuals are to complaining about the treatment they get at
the hands of mean monosexual homo's, it's no wonder you idiots can't scrape
together the time to open a decent dance place or a few clubs of your own.
If Bi’s want their own clubs, bars and coffee houses, you're going to have
to get off your butts, stop whining about how you get treated by gay people
in gay bars, and open a few of your own."
Ouch! And keep in mind that this was the least abrasive answer to a bisexual's question that I could find. But you know what? At the end of his attack, his comment about obtaining resources of our own is right on target. Yes, monosexuals have a very difficult time understanding Bisexuality. That's understandable to a point. We've been trying and trying and trying, and then trying some more to get monosexuals to see us, remember us, appreciate our contributions, remember us again, and again and again for a long time—and they still don't seem to get it! But the reason is very simple. They don't care enough about us to learn about us. Most really just wish we'd go away.
When are we Bisexuals going to realize that we will never be one big happy queer family with Gays and Lesbians? Bisexuals, gay men, lesbians and transgenders, while all are still thought of in a negative way by many in society-at-large, have separate issues from each other. The other three groups care primarily about their particular identity first-and-foremost, and if they happen to think about another oppressed minority, fine. It is human nature to take care of one's self first. Bisexuals need to learn this.
Dan Savage is exactly right that if Bisexuals want resources friendly to Bisexuals, we've got to create them ourselves. And how cool it is to be at meetings, socials and other events when bisexuals are in the majority! I don't know about you, but I've experienced Bi’s in the majority, and I wouldn't want it any other way.
A couple of years ago, I took the opportunity to take part in an interactive discussion forum at UWM with Mr. Savage. Through three-quarters of the program there existed the usual surface talk about gay and lesbian issues. Almost nothing was actually helpful or memorable, it was simply "entertainment." When the topic of bisexuality came up, Savage attempted to give a few jabs and a knockout blow and move on. As a concerned Bisexual I could not allow bisexuality to be targeted in this fashion, so I challenged his comments. The heat quickly turned up between us activists almost to the boiling point. It was obvious that everyone in the room became uncomfortable with our debate—everyone but Savage and I. People are used to feel-good discussions where little substance is achieved, but Savage and I actually relished the chance to "get in the dirt" with each other.
While I still disagree with many, if not most things Dan Savage says about bisexuality, I immediately gained an appreciation for his frankness. After we turned the event on its head—scaring the hell out of its organizers—he came up to me, looked me directly in the eye, shook my hand and said, "It was nice fighting with you." I replied, "I enjoyed it too."
Today because of his blunt, often nasty presentation style, I struggle with wishing Savage would just shut up about bisexuality on the one hand, and on the other hand I hope he continues (which I'm sure he will) to help point out some of our issues so that he keeps us fresh, angry, active and ultimately successful.
Thanks in part to Dan Savage, I've learned that just complaining about bisexuals' lot in life does next to nothing but annoy people and makes me feel lousy. I'd rather do constructive things to help create the resources that many bisexuals wish we had. Will you help me make that happen?
If you're not squeamish, you can find more examples of Dan Savage's responses to bisexual's inquiries at www.bicafe.com/editorial
If you're masochistic, you can ask him a question by writing letters@savagelove.net
Confessions of a Fag Hag
I like gay men. Not because I see them as good, raw material from which to force out a lover and a husband (the old straw?into?gold alchemy story); I do not believe in the myth of sexual conversion. We love who we love. And while brainwashing does work, it does so only at the cost of crippling another?in effect, destroying the very thing we say we wanted in the first place.
No, I like gay men for the very fact that they are gay. When a gay man wants to hang out with me, talk to me, dance with me or compliment me, I know this comes from a place of simple honesty, and not from an attempt to get into my pants. I don’t have to waste my time and energy with barricades and barbed wire walls designed to make sure he doesn’t get the “wrong idea.” I can flirt and talk and share and listen, I can hug and tease and cuddle, all without having to worry about egos and sex. I am free to be myself. This is why I call myself a fag hag. (It is worth noting that “hag” used to mean “wise woman.”)
However, being a fag hag can be complicated. For example: not all gay men shy away from sex with women. I am not talking about men who identify as Bi?I am talking about men who talk, act and identify as gay . . . except for the occasional woman lover.
I know I’m not supposed to bring this up, because this topic is taboo in gay culture, but it is near and dear to my heart, since I rely on the sexual disinterest of gay men. Are these men Kinsey five orientation instead of six? Are they bowing to anti-Bi sentiment by denying being bisexual? Are these men following their hearts, which betrayed them by falling for a woman? Or is it because, as Lea Delaria says, “men will fuck sheep and we know it!”?
As you know, besides being a fag hag, I am also bisexual. Bisexuality pretty much blows the box of labels, boundaries, and rules to bits. There are so many different ways of being Bi! First, there are different sexual tastes; second, there are different relationship wants, needs and ideals; third, there are different gender attractions; and fourth, there are different gender identities. Ask three different bisexuals how to define bisexuality, and you will most likely get three different answers.
This begs the question: if a man mostly has sex with men and sometimes has sex with women, isn’t he bisexual? Sure, his behavior could be described as bisexual, but who am I to label someone else’s sexuality? If a man says he is gay, I respect his self-identification. No one likes to be told, “It’s a phase—you’ll grow out of it,” or anything else that invalidates one’s inner experience.
Being bisexual, I realize that all human interactions are more complex than the first glance will reveal. I am sure that, as there is no one way of being Bi, there likewise is no one way of being Gay, Lesbian, or Straight. (Some of the queerest people I know are Straight!)
So, what is up with gay men who have sex with women? Is it orientation,
emotional involvement, or mindless lust? Answer: none of the above,
all of the above, and more. The truth is, we are all a collection
of convoluted and contradictory emotions, behaviors and paradigms.
The only way to answer this question is on an individual by individual
basis. And that is the fun of it!
Ephemeral Essays
New bisexual writers emerge regularly and claim their place in Bi All Means!. They may stay as columnists or only momentarily delight us with their vision. We are very pleased to introduce them here.
Adultery
By Maria Rangel
On the subject of adultery I’ve always been something of a snob. I allowed that people needed to make their own choices, but I was up on my moral high horse. I looked down on adultery as purely wrong, end of story. I always swore I would never have anything to do with this.
If there is one thing I have found in life, it is that usually when I get snotty about something, life seems to find a way to make me eat that attitude.
Why did I let myself get involved with a married woman? I rationalized the situation, same as anyone else. “Technically this is adultery—but this situation is different, I am different.” I am sure every mistress who ever lived thought this, believed this. I know I did.
He doesn’t love her, and she deserves love. He doesn’t care about her and she doesn’t love him anymore, but how can she leave her children? How would she survive without his money? She is making the best of a bad situation, and besides, love is never wrong.
It is true that love is never wrong, but that doesn’t make dishonesty right. No matter how difficult the truth may be, no matter how distasteful, no matter the cost, the truth can only be avoided at great cost to all who are involved.
Dishonesty taints everything, even love. Once deceit becomes a part of the relationship, then nothing is sacred. The truth is up for grabs, promises can be broken, trust is destroyed. Love and friendship can be sacrificed, used as bartering chips and as an ace in the hole—the ability to someday throw this sacrifice in his face, “look what I gave up for you!” Martyrdom is just one more way of avoiding the truth.
Of course, I knew all of this before. I knew the best way was the honest way. But I thought if I just loved her enough she would heal and grow enough to demand the love and happiness that she deserves. I thought if I loved her enough she would become strong enough to face her fears and be honest. With herself. With him. With me.
It was a gamble. And I lost. Fair enough.
What I am left with now that I have been knocked off my high horse, is the realization that adultery isn’t a simple question of right or wrong at all. Every situation is unique and complex. There are many different needs being met or unmet, many different hurts being caused or avoided—and avoiding hurting anyone at all at any level is unlikely and unrealistic.
It all boils down to: what is the dishonesty getting you? Do you
want a relationship that weaves mistrust and half-truths in with love and
friendship? Because that is what adultery will get you. It’s
not right or wrong. It is just the way things work.
So . . . . my pretty little kitties. Spring will
hopefully have sprung (or maybe that's just me!) by the time you read this.
Okay...so I'm just feeling a little caged during this winter months.
Spring me free! Spring me free!
Dear Sex Kitty,
Where do bisexuals come from? How can we be so cool, yet so
misunderstood?
Signed, Bi And Proud Of It
Dear BAPOI,
Where do bisexuals come from? From the trees, from the birds,
from (gasp!) God? We are amazingly cool, I must agree. Hey . . .
we have the ability to straddle the masses, look at both sides, sit on
the fence (ouch!). Seriously, does society like "both"? We
live in an either/or society. Either you are conservative or liberal,
Republican or Democrat, woman or man, black or white, have a sense of humor
or don’t. What does society do with people who are biracial, bisexual
or transgendered or all of these? We are put in a category that fits
when none does and even by those word we are labeling ourselves and others.
Ooooohh . . . . you got the Kitty to wax philosophical for a minute.
You are good, BAPOI. And yes . . . we are fine as wine and
smooth like brandy.
Dear Sex Kitty,
Is there anywhere your mouth shouldn't go?
Signed, Luscious Lips
Dear LL,
Are you trying to kiss the Kitty's buttocks? How adorably
sweet of you. You worship me. I am your God. (Notice how the
Kitty can turn any letter into a fan letter!) Let's see. I'm
free Monday-Friday, Saturday and Sunday for the rest of my life.
Come on over and I'll separate my cheeks for you, baby. Ooooohh .
. . am I being too raunch-licious? Sorry, you encountered Kitty fantasyland
for- Hey, remember the game Chutes and Ladders? Now, what was that
about?
I deeply digress. And you've actually come for advice. Poor you. Well, goys and birls, Kitty consulted the always charming Dr. Strangelove for medical advice about this answer. As with all sex play you must be careful and condomed. You can put your mouth anywhere you like but you are also putting yourself at risk.
Of course the most serious risk is HIV which can be transmitted through vaginal secretions and semen. As for butt munching, prophylactics should also be in place. Your ass presents another host of problems: You can contract hepatitis A from butt munching. There is a vaccine for hepatitis A, but along with hep A there’s the whole issue of bacteria in general. Dental dams, Seran Wrap, sliced in half unused condoms really should be between your lover’s derrière and your tongue.
Of course there is still kissing which is relatively harmless unless your fancy feline has oozing, bleeding gums. You would pretty much have to drink a bathtub of saliva to contract AIDS. How about tongue to ear and tongue to armpit? That seems pretty low risk. Love and Lust in the age of AIDS!
Sex Kitty
As Steve pointed out in his last “Bisexual Politics” we bisexuals do not have a slogan or a catch phrase to promote recognition and acceptance of bisexuality. In response, Bi All Means! has decided to run a Bisexual Slogan Contest.
What does this mean? Think bumperstickers and billboards. Be as silly or serious as you want. Some examples already suggested are:
Bisexuality—does a body good
OR
Bisexuality: double your pleasure, double your fun!
To enter, send your suggested slogan to: BAM! c/o LGBT Community Center, 170. S. 2nd Street, Milwaukee, WI 53204; email us at bidef@hotmail.com; or bring your ideas to one of the Bi Definition meetings.
Slogans will be shared and voted on at the Saturday May 6th Bi Definition
meeting and the top three winners will be run in the Summer issue of BAM!
Back to the Contents
LGBT SPRING BARN DANCE
Bi-Definition and Cream City Squares present:
The First LGBT SPRING BARN DANCE
at the Milwaukee LGBT Community Center
170 South 2nd Street
Sunday May 7, 2000
1 PM to 4 PM
This will be a fun filled afternoon at the LGBT Community Center.
No previous dancing experience required. People with two left feet are
welcome and encouraged to come. Don Dilges of the Cream City Squares will
teach some basic folk dances including square dances, contra, etc. Refreshments
will also be provided. Please plan on joining us.
Finances &
Fun: Bi Bits by Brenda
Brenda Hanus
Fundraising:
The first fundraising event this year is the talent show at the LGBT
Community Center. I would like to thank Nikki for offering to be responsible
for this event. We had a wonderful talent show at our 3rd anniversary party
and I am sure this one will be even better.
I hope everyone will attend our first barn dance in May. Please plan on coming, even you don't wish to dance. We will have refreshments and you can enjoy watching those who are dancing.
We will be working at PrideFest again this year and also plan on one or two rummage sales.
This year we will not have a separate Fund Raising Committee. I will continue in the role of Fund Raising chairperson. We will discuss fund raising activities at the monthly business meeting. We will be looking for people to help with each event. You can either be responsible for the entire event (like Nikki) or just help with the event.
Bi-Trans Thoughts:
I am active in both Gemini Gender Group and Bi Definition. One of the
things I really enjoy about being involved with both groups is discovering
the things each of our communities have in common. Last year at BECAUSE
‘99 in St Paul, Minn. I led a workshop on " The Bi-Transgender Alliance—Working
together for a better world". I really enjoyed doing this and will be doing
it again this year.
One of the things we have in common is being comfortable with and enjoying life both ways. In the Gender community we have a group of people who are comfortable with living in both genders. Crossdressers will often dress in the opposite gender on a regular basis to express this part of them selves. However they are very comfortable with their birth gender and have no desire to transition. Another group desires to transition but for many reasons may live "part-time" in the desired gender for a long time. Both of these groups are often misunderstood by others and told they "are not serious or can not make up their mind". This sounds a lot like what Bisexuals encounter from outside the Bi community.
After time in the Bi community, I began to really appreciate how fortunate these "Bi-gendered" people were. They can enjoy life without all the disruption of a full gender transition. They enjoy a unique insight in living both genders on an ongoing basis. My Bisexual education both in Milwaukee and at BECAUSE ‘99 has helped me understand a part of my Gender community better.
Perhaps some day the rest of the world will realize we are happy being
Bisexuals and start to appreciate some of the unique insight we can offer
to them. Maybe they even will start to envy us for being Bisexual.
In the last issue, we asked you the question:
In your experience, what are the differences and similarities between sex with women and sex with men?
Here are your responses:
When I was very young, before I knew anything about orientation, I played with both a neighborhood boy and a girl. For me I was stimulated by whatever act we were doing—our particular genders were of no significance.
This feeling remains for me today. The only generality about difference I could make is that with women I feel more emotional, with men more fun.
But what really matters is the person, and with excellent communication, most anything can be worked out.
Steve Butler
Milwaukee
Sex with men though may be high energy has little imagination. The act itself is much too quick and there’s little or no bonding time after, and never a second try shortly after.
Sex with women is gentler and less area specific. The whole body is part of sex rather than high erogenous zones. There’s a greater willingness to take time and to experience as many orgasms in as many ways as possible. The big plus being the game playing for role scenario diversity. Finally, the knowing of and recognition of being after the act is finished.
Angelina Davis
Milwaukee
Thank you for sharing your unique point of view! Next issue’s question is:
What is flirting?
Please let us know your viewpoint! You may request your name be
withheld if you so desire but we will quote you in the next issue of Bi
All Means!
Poetry
Face The Fire
Gather in the meadow of low clouds, mist and greenery
Glean only what is needed to build an inviting fire within the scenery
Raise forth a cone of power to protect all that draw near,
Light, Love and Peace is what you'll find here
Come together around the fire
To tell the tales of Gods and Goddesses as the flames jump higher
Let the tales come to truth from a higher power
And look into the face of truth in our fire
11/98 Angelica Dawn
Come Lay With Me
Take me by the hand
Lead me gently to the land
In soft green pastures we may lay
In light, love, and peace until the break of day
Join me in this magick time
Let me share my body, mind, and rhyme
Together in sound and touch we find sensation
In games and play we find the next revelation
1/18/99 Angelica Dawn
