Volume
4, Number 2 ( Summer 1999)
ssss Articles
sssssssss BECAUSE
Conference
sssssssssBi
Definition Receives 10% Club Donation
sssssssssBi
Definition will help at Pridefest
sssssssssBisexuals
Respond to Religious Right
sssssssssBusy
Summer for Bisexuals
sssssssssInternational
Bi Day is Sept. 23
sssssssssFinance
Committee is Exploring Growth Options
sssssssssProposed
mission & vision statement for organizational adoption
sssssssssUpcoming
Discussion Topics
ssssCalendar
ssssColumns
sssssssssA
Bit of Bisexual His/Herstory
sssssssssAsk the
Sex Kitty
sssssssssBi The Editor
sssssssssEphemeral
Essays
sssssssssHow Do
You Feel?
sssssssssNikki's Notions
sssssssssRainbow Politics:
Clear and Simple
sssssssssStraight
But Not Narrow
ssssOdds
and Ends
sssssssssFrom
the Bottom of Our Hearts
sssssssssPoetry
sssssssssQuotes
The 1999 Bisexual Empowerment Conference: A Uniting Supportive Experience
(BECAUSE) was attended
by several carloads of Milwaukee bisexuals. The five-hour roadtrip
to St. Paul, where the conference was
held, was part of the conference fun. The weekend was full of thought
provoking workshops, wonderful
keynote speakers, and great social fun.
This year's conference theme was A Home of Our Own, as the Minneapolis/St.
Paul bisexual communities
are trying to establish a bisexual center there. Friday night's keynote
speaker, Dr. Fritz Klein, spoke about
the history of the bisexual movement. He recounted how when he first
began looking into the bisexual issue
in the late 1970's, there was virtually nothing printed about bisexuality.
Dr. Klein is the author of The
Bisexual Option.
Saturday night the keynote speaker was Robyn Ochs who, among many other
things, is the co-founder of the
Boston Bisexual Women's Network (1983). She spoke about the importance
of building a bisexual
community how important it is to individuals on a personal level, and
to all of us on the collective, political
level. Ms. Ochs has had many articles on bisexuality published, and
she is the editor of the Bisexual Resource
Guide.
Both keynote speakers ran a workshop session on Saturday, along with
many others, including four
Milwaukeeans. Nikki Schlaishunt gave a workshop on Bisexual Feminism
and the Either/Or World:
Challenging Dichotomy & Finding Power; Crystal Klinger ran a workshop
on TransAttraction; Nadine
presented a workshop titled . . . And They Lived Bisexually Ever-After;
and Brenda gave a workshop on The
Bi-Trans Alliance: Working Together for a Better World. Other workshop
titles included Grant Writing 1010,
Women's Sex Toys 101, Sexual Violence in LGBT Communities, and Bisexuals
of Color. Everyone spoke
highly of all of the workshops presented, the only complaint being
too many good workshops to choose from
and not enough time.
Saturday night the conference hosted a Come As You Are Bi Bop Dance,
complete with DJ music and
refreshments. The dance took place in the fabulous Great Hall, which
has cathedral-like ceilings and a full
view of the St. Paul night skyline. After a slow start, the DJ cranked
out great song after song, filling the
dance floor with all the variety of bisexuals that attended the conference.
Sunday had a continental breakfast, more workshops, and a plenary on
A Home of Our Own. The weekend
was officially ended with a Closing Ceremony in the afternoon. Thus
ended the eighth annual BECAUSE
Conference. There was talk about Milwaukee hosting the 10th annual
BECAUSE Conference (2001). If you
think Milwaukee should host the 2001 Conference, contact Steve Butler
at
bidef@netwurx.net
Recently Bi Definition received a check for $13.62 from the Afterwords
10% Club. This donation comes from
the LGBT financial support fund set up by Afterwords bookstore.
Here's how it works: customers who sign up for the 10% Club receive
a 5% discount on merchandise
purchased at Afterwords with an additional 5% going to the LGBT organization
of your choice.
To sign up for the club, visit Afterwords at 2710 N. Murray Avenue.
Thanks to all who named Bi Definition as their organization of choice,
and thanks to Afterwords for a great
way to support the LGBT community!
Milwaukee bisexuals will take a leap forward in visibility as Bi
Definition staffs this year's Pridefest booth
the weekend of August 6-8, 1999.
Bi Definition was invited to run the Pridewear booth, which is located
directly across from the Miller stage.
Members at the 6/15/99 meeting enthusiastically accepted the challenge
and a sign up sheet was started.
In exchange for a four-hour shift, volunteers will receive free admission
the day they volunteer, one free meal
from the Pridefest food booth, and a free Pridefest volunteer T-shirt.
There will also be a thank you party for
volunteers in October.
This is an excellent chance for the 'B' in LGBT to be truly out and
visible in the larger community. Pridefest
will advertise that Bi Definition will be running the booth. Bi Definition
members who volunteer to run the
booth will have a chance to meet and speak with the larger community
and they will have a chance to meet
and speak with us.
Bi Definition will also be running an information booth during Pridefest.
To enable us to take on both tasks,
Steve Butler has volunteered to run the Bi Definition booth all weekend.
Please stop by to say hi, or to give
him a break.
If you are interested in volunteering for the Pridewear booth, or would
like more information, contact Brenda
at bidef@netwurx.net. Shorter shifts may be available.
The staff of Anything That Moves, along with many other national
organizations, have launched an ad
campaign countering the "queer illness" propaganda spouted by the religious
right. At the same time, this
ad responds to the Human Rights Campaign ad, which undercuts bisexuals
and transgendereds in their
attempt to counter the far right's message.
The bi/trans ad cuts across the "genetics verses choice" dichotomy,
asserting that we should all be free to love
whomever we love: "It is an offense to the human spirit for any group
to impose their beliefs as the one true
way and to tell people to reject and hate themselves and each other
because they do not fit a certain mold."
Embracing the idea of sexual orientation as a mix of nurture and nature,
and championing the right to choose,
this ad speaks for all people gay, lesbian, bi, trans, straight, and
those who defy labels.
A copy of this ad appears in the Spring 1999 Anything That Moves and
is available in the Bi Definition office.
You can also contact www.anythingthatmoves.com for more detailed information.
The summer of 1999 has many events to offer local bisexuals.
The Madison MAGIC Picnic offers Milwaukee bisexuals an opportunity for
a roadtrip. The annual picnic
will be held Saturday July 17th at Brittingham Park from 1pm to 6pm.
A whole weekend of events are
planned, including: a 10% Society Dance at 8pm on Friday, July 16th;
country line dancing at 8pm on
Saturday, July 17th; and, a pride rally and march at 1:30pm on Sunday,
July 18th with a post march
celebration featuring comedian Kate Clinton. For more information contact
Steve at bidef@netwurx.net
The second annual Bi Definition camping trip will be held the weekend
of July 16-18 in the Norther Kettle
Moraine area (close enough to daytrip to the MAGIC Picnic). Last year's
camping trip was great fun. There
was story-telling and cooking out under the stars. The group gathered
together to sing around the campfire,
and sang so well that fellow campers invited them to sing for them.
For more information about this year's
trip, contact Tim at bidef@netwurx.net
Pridefest is always a great event here in Milwaukee, and promises to
be especially eventful for bisexuals this
year (see Pridefest article in this issue). In addition to all the
other Pridefest events, Bi Definition invites any
and all bisexuals and bisexual allies to join us for the annual Pridefest
Parade. We will gather outside the main
gate at noon. The parade kicks of at 1pm promptly. Banners and signs
will be provided.
The first international Celebrate Bisexuality Day (CBD) will take
place
Sept 23, 1999. CBD is a day of rejoicing. It is a time for all bisexuals
to celebrate our lives and commemorate our Bisexual communities.
Whether activist, student, spouse, child, parent, 9-to-5er, or party
animal, we live in a monosexual-dominated world. Despite this, we
discover our identity. Each day we face this bias, yet manage to hold
on
to our bisexuality. CBE is a day to celebrate our survival, a day to
enjoy how
incredibly fabulous we are.
Events ranging from film festivals to marches, dances, parties, pot
lucks,
and slumber parties are being planned by several Bisexual groups around
the globe. An email-based discussion is also available and open to
anyone
interested at http://home.earthlink.net/~madamec/index.html
Bi Definition has been making many changes this past spring in organization,
task management, and of
course, finances. As a small group, it was easy to keep the finances
simple and to run the group on a meeting
by meeting basis.
Bi Definition's increase in size this past year has produced many changes,
including giving us a finance
committee. This committee, chaired by Brenda, has met several times
and is making plans for Bi Definition's
financial growth.
In terms of office and meeting space, the group is stable and, thanks
to an anonymous gift, will continue to
be stable for the next year or two. However, the Bi All Means! newsletter
funding has fallen short on
occasion, and the finance committee is taking steps to insure this
will only be a temporary situation.
The first fundraising effort by Bi Definition was a rummage sale, which
took place Sunday, June 27th. Other
fundraising ideas include hosting a dance, and a second rummage sale.
The finance committee is looking for one or two more individuals to
join them in their efforts to help Bi
Definition grow. If you have any suggestions, comments or questions,
please contact Brenda at
bidef@netwurx.net
Bi Definition Mission Statement
Bi Definition will facilitate the development of and maintain a cohesive
bisexual community and promote
bisexual visibility.
Bi Definition Vision Statement
Bi Definition shall exist to collect and distribute information regarding
bisexuality. We will also provide
a social, support and activist bisexual resource for individuals living
in metropolitan Milwaukee, WI and
for those visiting us who self-identify as bisexual, and persons we
consider our allies.
In addition to offering bisexual community outlets, we shall work for
equal rights and the liberation of all
bisexuals and others who refuse strict heterosexual and/or homosexual
personal identification.
We are committed to being affirmatively inclusive of a multicultural
constituency and broad humanistic
agenda. Bi Definition shall remain absolutely neutral in the areans
of religion/spirituality, military action,
consensual adult sadomasochistic, bondage & discipline sexual activity,
and other areas which have not
achieved consensus status from the organization.
These proposed statements will be discussed at the July business meeting
(July 22, 7pm). You may also direct
any comments, ideas or suggestions to Nikki at (414) 774-5055, or write
to: Bi All Means!/Bi Definition, c/o
The Milwaukee LGBT Community Center, 170 S. 2nd St., Milwaukee, WI
53204, or e-mail
bidef@netwurx.net
July (Sat. 3 & Tues. 20): "Bi Pride"
August (Sat. 7 & Tues. 17): "Bisexuals and the Media"
September (Sat. 4 & Tues. 21): "Violence Against Bisexuals"
October (Sat. 2 & Tues 19): "Coming Out of Two Closets"
Bi Definition meets on the first Saturday and third Tuesday of every
month at 7:00 p.m. for discussions
about specific topics pertaining to bisexuality. All discussions are
held at the Milwaukee LGBT
Community Center, 170 S. 2nd Street.
July's topic will be Bisexual Pride. It is easy to get caught up in
the negatives of being bisexual what are
the positive aspects of being bisexual? Do you take pride in your bisexuality?
How do you show this pride?
How can we be visible and positive bisexuals at Pridefest and in the
larger world? Join us Saturday July 3rdand Tuesday July 20th for Bi pride
building.
Is Tinky Winky really gay? Maybe he's Bi? If not, can we Bi's get a
mascot of our own? "Bisexuals and
the Media," the August topic, will explore how bisexuals are or are
not, as is usually the
case portrayed in the media. On Saturday August 7th and Tuesday August
17th, we will look at bisexual
invisibility in the media, how it affects our world and self view,
and brainstorm ways we might challenge
and change this situation.
On Saturday September 4th and Tuesday September 21st, we will look at
Violence Against Bisexuals. How
does queer bashing affect the bisexual community? What can we do as
bisexuals to keep ourselves safe?
How can we work with the larger LGBT community to deal with this issue?
Much of the "gay bashing"
that occurs every year actually comes from a failure to "pass" as straight,
and it affects everyone regardless
of sexual orientation.
An annual Bi Definition membership includes discreet newsletter mailings
and free admittance to all
events. Cost of a single gathering for nonmembers is $5. For information
on membership rates, see p. 2,
column 1 at the bottom. We also ask that you please refrain from wearing
scented products at the
meetings.
For information or confirmation on any Bi Definition event listed,
contact Nikki at (414)774-5055
or write: Bi All Means!, C/O LGBT Center, 170 S. 2nd Street, Milwaukee,
WI 53204.
Bi Definition socials/discussions are held on the first Saturday
and third Tuesday of each month @ 7:00 p.m.
at the Milwaukee LGBT Community Center, 170 S. 2nd Street.
July
Sat. 3 @ 7 P.M. Bi Definition Social/Discussion. Topic: "Bisexual
Pride." LGBT Community Center,
170 S. 2nd Street.
Mon. 5 Bi? Shy? Why? Madison. Info: (608) 257-5538
Sat. 11 @ 7 P.M. Gemini Gender Group meeting. Info: 297-9328.
Sat. 17 @ 1-6 P.M. Madison MAGIC Picnic. Steve 483-5046.
Tues. 20 @ 7 P.M. Bi Definition Social/Discussion. Topic: "Bisexual
Pride." LGBT Community
Center, 170 S. 2nd Street.
Fri. 16-Sun. 18 Bi Definition camping trip. Info: Tim 454-0760.
August
Mon 2 Bi? Shy? Why? Madison. Info: (608) 257-5538.
Sat. 7 @ 7 P.M. Bi Definition Social/Discussion. Topic: "Bisexuals
and the Media." LGBT
Community Center, 170 S. 2nd St.
Fri. 6-Sun. 8 Pridefest. Summerfest Grounds.
Sun 8 @ Noon Pridefest Parade line-up at the main gate.
Sat. 14 @ 7 P.M. Gemini Gender Group meeting. Info: 297-9328.
Tues. 17 @ 7 P.M. Bi Definition Social/Discussion. Topic: "Bisexuals
and the Media." LGBT
Community Center, 170 S.2nd St.
September
Sat. 4 @ 7 P.M. Bi Definition Social/Discussion. Topic: "Violence
Against Bi's." LGBT Community
Center, 170 S. 2nd St.
Mon. 6 Bi? Shy? Why? Madison. Info:
(608) 257-5538.
Sat. 11 @ 7 P.M. Gemini Gender Group meeting. Info: 297-9328.
Tues. 21 @ 7 P.M. Bi Definition Social/Discussion. Topic: "Violence
Against Bi's." LGBT Community
Center, 170 S. 2nd St.
Thur. 23 @ 7 P.M. Bi Definition party to Celebrate National
Bisexual Day. LGBT Community Center,
170 S. 2nd St.
October
Sat. 2 @ 7 P.M. Bi Definition Social/Discussion. Topic: "Coming
Out of
Two Closets." LGBT Community Center, 170 S. 2nd St.
Mon. 4 Bi? Shy? Why? Madison. Info: (608) 257-5538.
Sat. 9 @ 7 P.M. Gemini Gender Group meeting. Info: 297-9328.
Oct 11 National Coming Out Day
Tues. 19 @ 7 P.M. Bi Definition Social/Discussion. Topic: "Coming
Out of
Two Closets." LGBT Community Center, 170 S. 2nd St.
Fall 1990 -- Susan Carlton offers the first academic course on bisexuality
in the US at UC Berkeley.
- BiNet USA
Dear Sex Kitty,
If I get my nipple pierced, will this cause problems with breast feeding
in the future?
Signed,
Poka-hauntus
Dear Poka-hauntus,
According to The Breast Feeding Answer Book, published by La Leche
League International, there is no
evidence that nipple peircing interferes with breast feeding. One woman
did develop a blister during
breastfeeding but that resolved in a few days.
Of course, I would certainly recommend removing the ring during actual
breast feeding!
Dear Sex Kitty,
My partner and I would love to widen our intercourse repertoire, but
my cervix is sensitive to pressure and
I find many positions painful. A friend suggested that I try KY jelly
with lidocaine, which might numb my
cervix. My concern is, if I can't feel pain could I damage my cervix
without knowing it?
Signed,
Karma Sutra Curious
Dear Karma Sutra Curious,
Maybe yes, and maybe no. My advice to you is that you consult with
a physician to find out why you are
having pain. It might be something easily fixable. If not, you can
ask your doctor about the KY with
lidocaine.
In the meantime, keep in mind that physical position is not the only
way to spice up your sex life . . . Be
creative, imaginative, playful, and if that doesn't work, check out
your local sex store for ideas.
Dear Sex Kitty,
Is Sex Kitty available?
Signed,
Friendly Feline
Dear Friendly Feline,
Sex Kitty is always available to answer any and all of your sex questions.
I am also open to friendly fan mail.
As for my personal life, well . . . a cat must have some secrets!
Hoping all your sex is hot and humid!
~ Sex Kitty
"The actual unsung truth about a lot of organizing is that it feels
really good, and that's why people do it,
again and again and again." _
________________________________________________________ _ Starhawk
This past spring I have gone from one organizational task to another,
non-stop. It has been time consuming,
exhausting and at times overwhelming. It has also been incredibly rewarding.
As all of the various bits and pieces that make Bi All Means!
slowly, painstakingly, finally come together I
feel both the high energy and the peace that comes to me when I do
social action work. I find myself
surrounded with hope and courage and the kind of tenacity that work
like this inspires. I am blessed to be
working with and supported by creative, caring and committed people.
The work is its own reward.
This is what I see happening with Bi Definition. People are coming forward
with excitement and enthusiasm,
ready to help keep Bi Definition not just alive, but healthy and growing
thriving. As with any growth, there
is chaos some false starts, some miscommunication, and lots of learning
opportunities . . . We are still
working on organizing this growth, but the commitment is there.
I would like to take this time to thank all of the wonderful, energetic
volunteers who have taken on pieces of
the responsibilities of running Bi Definition. And I would like to
encourage and welcome any new volunteers.
Why? Because it feels really good.
Bi for now,
Nikki
New bisexual writers emerge regularly and claim their place in
Bi All Means!. They may stay as
columnists or only momentarily delight us with their vision. We
are very pleased to introduce them here.
Just Swinging in the Breeze by kdm
I love having girlfriends I've had them ever since I was little. There
has always been a special bond for
me with some woman in my life. Sometimes they stay for many years,
sometimes they are in my life &
gone.
You know what I mean . . . the friend that dyes your hair for the first
time (my friend Coffee), the
inseparable grade school friend (that would be Kelly, Jenny & Joy
for each grade school I transferred to),
and for some of us, that "cuddle & kisses" friend. For me, that
would be K.
The funny thing about K is that she is my partner's (who is male) ex-girlfriend.
Most people expect ex's
to stay just that, but in this case, they, and we, have become quite
close. I should add one more person
into the mix her new husband.
Now, you may be thinking, "Geez, this is getting kinda complicated!"
Well, yes and no.
There is nothing less complicated than having another couple that you
love and involve deeply in your
life. It's sort of like a built-in double-date feature! Things may
begin to get complicated when it is
thrown into the mix that three of us are bisexual and the fourth is
the least straight man I know who
doesn't identify as Bi/queer.
And yes, sex has entered the equation. We've set up ground rules. We've
modified those rules. We've
interpreted and reinterpreted those rules. We've talked about those
rules. We've talked about rules.
We've talked.
All this talk has made all the difference. We four have survived and
thrived in a collective relationship
that has included the change from two dating couples to a dating couple
and a married one. In fact, my
partner and I were the honor attendants at their handfasting.
Nothing much has changed since the wedding, as far as anyone is concerned.
We loved each other before
the wedding and we still do. We were all physically involved before
the wedding and we still are. We
have never sat down to label this wonderful thing that is; the only
thing that we've named is our friends'
apartment. In our circles, it is known as the "Den of Iniquity" since
it was at their place that this all
started. (In a collective relationship like this, it's important to
keep one's sense of humor!"
Very little about this feels complicated to me. Very little of my feelings
seem complicated to me. In fact,
it is all pretty simple. My partner and I were lucky enough to find
two friends who we love and who love
us back, each on many levels. K is a wonderful comforter, and a thoughtful,
beautiful woman. C is my
biggest flirt-fan, someone sincerely interested in my thoughts and
opinions. And my partner is a thinker.
He is also a trusting, open, stable person who fills me with love.
He is the one I "come home to," as they
say, but if I'm lucky K & C will be there too!
In the last issue, we asked you the question,How has identifying
as bisexual changed your life?
Here are your responses:
Identifying as bisexual has changed my life in two main ways. The first
reflects my dating life and the
reoccurring unacceptable notions of my bisexuality by most partners.
So, I've got two options, to tell or not
to tell. The problem with telling my date I'm Bi often brings feelings
of inadequacy. If I do not tell him/her
I'm Bi I feel I am not being completely honest from the beginning,
or I question the potential of a serious
relationship.
The second way bisexuality has changed my life forces me to deal with
conflicting desires on a daily basis
which defers my attention from more important things such as school
work, friendships and my level of
happiness. I find it toilsome to continuously be self-absorbed and
to reevaluate what will make me happy in
life.
Bisexuality has however contributed to something amazingly positive.
I work at becoming and maintaining
my happiness, as does everyone, but bisexuality requires an extra step
to take towards that goal. When I arrive
there I know I'll be happier than most having had that extra step of
self-exploration.
Peter
Milwaukee
Since I have come out as bisexual, my life has been a constant struggle
to maintain and balance out who I am
and what people think of me. When I had a girlfriend, everyone thought
I was really a lesbian, not Bi. And
now that I have a boyfriend, I feel that the LG community sees me as
a sell out. I'm always sure to be wearing
my pride-wear (even if it's a small earring) so I still feel I'm connected
with the LGBT movement. My main
goal is to educate everyone I can about my bisexuality . . . heterosexuals
and homosexuals. Amy
Milwaukee
Identifying as bisexual has changed my view of the world very differently.
I feel as if I don't have to rely
on the lesbian community for acceptance. I also have the advantage
of dating other transgendered people,
and therefore keep trans people and myself from feeling the alienation
and rejection from potential lovers
by being intimate and sexual with my own kind.
Since I usually am a non-conformist when it comes to gender roles, I
tend to approach men than to have a
man approach me for a relationship. Therefore, I have the ability to
find the right man.
However, I still prefer women and male-to-female transsexuals over men,
therefore, I usually don't
approach men. I approach transgendered people and women instead.
Crystal Klinger
Milwaukee
Thank you for sharing your unique point of view! Next issue's question
is:
What is the best thing about being bisexual?
Please let us know your viewpoint! You may request your name be withheld
if you so desire but we will
quote you in the next issue of Bi All Means!
For years, like most American women, I have struggled with my body
image. We all learn from an early age
what we are 'supposed' to look like. Most importantly, we are trained
to focus not on how our bodies
successfully conform to the 'ideal' but on how our bodies fail. This
is a no-win game set up to guarantee that
everyone ends dissatisfied; even super models have flaws. And, while
this is traditionally a woman's
conundrum, more and more men are finding themselves feeling this body
image pressure as well.
I was raised by feminists who taught me that this is all bullshit. The
Barbie-doll mentality is harmful to our
bodies and must be dumped. It has prompted such body deforming devices
as the corset and high heeled
shoes which, when worn habitually, will cause the Achilles tendon to
permanently shorten leaving women
with actual Barbie-doll feet. This obsession with the body 'ideal'
has led some women to literally starve
themselves to death. "Enough of this crap!" the feminists say, and
I agreed.
Easier said than done.
For years I have worked to change my thought patterns. When I look in
the mirror at my stomach and I say
"fat" in my head, I make myself stop and say "beautiful" instead. When
I look down at my thighs bulging
and dimpling out of my shorts as I sit I make myself stop and say "strong
and lovely" in place of the "ugly"
that comes to mind. I say these positive things even when I don't feel
them.
A few years ago, I saw a large woman filling up a slinky black dress,
and I thought, "She is way too fat to
wear that!" Now, who told me that? Who told me that this woman had
to hide her shape? Who told me that
this woman's shape was wrong, unattractive, too big? Who told me that
her dress was inappropriate?
I had to answer Society. The same society that told me that women are
second class citizens, that we are soft
and weak and wicked. The same society that told me that blondes are
all stupid. The same society that told
me that African Americans are violent, welfare moms are lazy, and gays
& lesbians are sick. The same
society that told me that bisexuals do not exist.
It's been my experience that Society is often wrong. So, why should
I listen to it when it comes to body
image? Why should I let it dictate that some bodies are acceptable
and others are not? Besides, do I really
want everyone to have the same body? How incredibly boring!
Since then, I have cultivated a more diverse appreciation of bodies.
I've learned to value how they angle and
curve, how they pull and stretch and drape different clothes. I admire
how they move and bend and bounce.
I relish the vast variety that the human shape can encompass. After
all, I am a bisexual; I am attracted to the
bodies of both men and women. Why should my attractions be limited
to only certain shapes and sizes?
This new perspective has given me an unexpected gift peace with my own
body image. Now I see my body
as just one of the many possible shapes. I cherish it for its uniqueness,
for its ability to move and stretch and
dance, for its capacity to give and receive pleasure. I finally have
the kind of positive body image that I only
partially achieved with years of mental discipline.
I still have my bad days, but I let go of my judgements. I moved from
tolerance to true celebration of
diversity. In return I found acceptance.
The following column is designed to help those who have a desire
to make a difference for the
Les/Bi/Gay/Trans community without getting bogged down, bored or
confused, which is often associated
with the world of politics.
Have you ever seen the bumper sticker that reads, "If you're not
outraged, then you're not paying close enough
attention!"? If you have, did you wonder just what it is that you're
supposed to be outraged about? As
bisexuals, we should be able to answer without any hesitation.
In addition to being on the receiving end of all the same stereotypes
that gay men and lesbians are forced
to endure, bisexuals are additionally oppressed even by those one would
think are our natural
compatriots our homosexual brothers and sisters. This results in a
double-whammy, often resulting in
bisexuals having to "come-out" of a second closet.
Ignorance about the variations of sexual orientation is almost understandable
coming from heterosexuals.
Like almost everyone else since birth, they were told that being straight
was the only acceptable and legitimate
way of being. This also happens to feel right, personally, to heterosexuals,
so there is not much incentive to
learn more. However, gays and lesbians know first-hand that heterosexuality
is not necessarily an innate, hard
and set state of the human condition. The old war saying comes to mind,
"The enemy of my enemy should
be my ally."
Bisexuals are regularly accused of such things as not existing; people
are expected to always choose one
identity over another. This thinking falls into the trap that because
there are usually two obvious
differences of appearance in genders there must therefore be only two
sexual orientations of which the
two should never combine. When bisexuals can show that there is such
a thing as fluid orientation, often
we're told that we're just in the same phase that many gays were before
they fully embraced their
queerdom. Then we get called confused. When bisexuals, such as myself,
mention that we've been happy
and sure of identifying as Bi for twenty, twenty-five or more years,
the next attack may be that we're
dangerous disease vectors. This of course conveniently forgets that
sexually transmitted diseases are
spread by unsafe sexual practices, not orientation (how would a celibate
bisexual possibly spread a sexual
disease, for example?)
Other areas of biphobia and Bi-prejudice include: thinking bisexuals
have to be involved with both a man
and a woman to be satisfied, saying Bi's are just afraid of labeling
themselves gay, believing that bisexuals
always hide behind heterosexual privilege, advising people not to date
a bisexual because they are
unstable, and regularly omitting the word 'bisexual' in queer-related
areas. And just mentioning
bisexuals is not enough, if there is no real effort put into actually
addressing Bi issues.
The old adage that bisexuals have the best of both worlds, rarely is
the truth. When straight people won't
date you because they think that you'll eventually get bored and leave
them for someone gay, and
homosexuals won't get involved because they believe you're just a kinky
heterosexual, bisexuality could be
more accurately described as having the worst of two worlds. Yes, we
often live in a world of damned if
we do, damned if we don't.
Since the quite vocal bisexual movement has been defending us with facts
in the media and elsewhere for well
over fifteen years, these examples of ignorance can no longer be accepted
as a valid excuse for Bi-prejudice.
Actually, I'm not sure if the above makes me more outraged, or the
fact that most of my fellow bisexuals are
completely apathetic about the situation.
One recent study shows just four percent of the population are completely
gay from birth until death, and only
ten percent are fully heterosexual. This leaves a whopping eighty-six
percent somewhere in between. Yet
most of these people not at one extreme or the other will never attend
any type of bisexual function. And
organized Bi communities across the country are still just a tiny fraction
within any given LGBT community.
Within these small bisexual groups it's common to find just one, or
if it's lucky, two persons with any real
interest and dedication in actually advancing the rights of bisexuals.
Usually the majority of people who come
to a Bi event will obtain the short-term support that they want and
then are quickly gone for good.
If we erroneously think that none of the above stated issues have touched
our lives personally, we should
imagine what the ideal for our lives would have been if we had lived
in a world where we never heard all of
the uneducated assumptions about bisexuality. Consider for a moment
the complete freedom we could have
had to love any person, or persons, if we wouldn't have ever had to
take into account what others might think
or say. Maybe you'd simply like to be able to take a walk holding hands
with someone of your same gender
without having it therefore assumed that you are strictly gay. What
if your family and the law had absolutely
no concern with your personal decision to marry both a woman and a
man? Do you get tired of having to
explain your bisexuality over and over? What if bisexual visibility
was reflective of bisexual behavior, so the
more commonly asked question became, "Why would one limit themselves
to just one gender?"
Today of course, it's a pipe dream for us to think of a world like this.
But bisexuals here at the turn of the
millennium, can take the necessary steps to start enlightening people
now, so that young bisexual women
and men can eventually take over our efforts to begin creating this
bisexual utopia, so a generation after
their's may realize this equality and fairness.
We can be self-absorbed by just bitching and moaning about these issues,
or we can reclaim some power
by doing something constructive about the problems. Since bisexuality
has been around in some form
since the beginning of humankind, and there has been little broad understanding
of it since then, it's fair
to say that waiting for "someone else" to advance bisexual rights will
not accomplish anything.
I believe that Abolitionist Frederick Douglas stated it best when he
said, "If there is no struggle, there is no
progress. Those who profess to favor freedom and yet deprecate agitation
are people who want crops without
plowing up the ground. They want rain without thunder and lightening.
That struggle might be a moral one;
it might be a physical one; it might be both moral and physical, but
it must be a struggle. Power concedes
nothing without a demand. It never did and never will. People might
not get all that they work for in this
world, but they must certainly work for all they get."
You've paid attention long enough to have finished reading this article.
Now get outraged about the Bi-
prejudice that has limited aspects of your life! Then turn that anger
into doing something constructive to help
make positive social change.
This column is intended to be a discourse to those of you who
are part of the gay, lesbian, bisexual
and transgender community from a heterosexual man.
Editor's note: K. Patrick Callahan has been writing for Bi All Means!
from almost the first issue. This issue
we are reprinting his first BAM! article, which came before his Straight
but not Narrow column.
To those of you who have joined the gay, lesbian and bisexual revolution
From a friend of one who is bisexual
Some of you are worried about how your turning gay, lesbian or bisexual
will affect some of the friendships
you may have picked up in the past and whether those friendships will
stand the "test." I am a friend of one
who discovered that she is bisexual. I am not. I have been and probably
will be "straight" all my life.
We have been friends for over ten years and it has only been recently
that she admitted to herself, then to me,
that she was bisexual. We did not stop being friends. I value her friendship
far too greatly for that to happen.
This, I believe, is the key for those of you who may be fearing to tell
your friends. If they truly are friends, it
will not matter what you are. The friendship will come first. My friend
and I are comfortable with what we
know about each other and there is nothing I cannot share with her
and she with me. I am proud to call her
my friend. Your real friends will be too.
K. Patrick Callahan
A sincere Thank You to Peace Action-Milwaukee for the donation of
office supplies for our new office space!
silken red roses on black velvet pillows
soft smooth petals
fragrance so sweet
and it flows into the evening sky . . .
bright green colors of
newly crushed leaves
thorns leave
ragged tears
in the plush black velvet
N. Schlaishunt
"Bisexuals come from all cultures, all religious beliefs, all sizes
and abilities, all social strata and walks of life.
Some of us are just like you. Some of us are nothing like you. But
we are bound together by one important
factor: we believe in the freedom to love whom we choose."
- from response ad in Anything That Moves Spring 1999
"Temporality becomes an important issue in reading bisexuality, especially
since most readers distinguish
the sexual orientation of characters in novels based upon the desires
or relationships at the end of a
text rather than looking at the fluctuations and variations of desires
throughout the novel."
Marcy Jane Knopf
"There is no such thing as a homosexual; or heterosexual persons. In
theory all are bi. In practise some
are this, some are that, some exclusively, some part-time. The point
is that were it not for the three
monotheistic religions that have made a nice hell of all human relations
so that we shall love God the
father all the more? no one would have thought to categorize anyone
because of his sexual interest. ... I
suggest we work together to flush Judaism, Christianity and Islam into
the Mediterranean and restore the
Greco-Roman world, where, believe it or not, there was no word for
fag of dyke, nor was there any
conception that an occasional sexual activity constituted and entire
personality."
Author Gore Vidal to London's Gay Times (Feb.1999)
