For information or confirmation on any Bi Definition event listed, contact Nikki at bidef@netwurx.net or write: Bi All Means!, P.O. Box 07541, Milwaukee, WI 53207. For information on Bi Youth Milwaukee events, contact Richard at bidef@netwurx.net   Bi Definition socials/discussions are held on the first Saturday and third Tuesday of each month @ 7:00 p.m. at the Milwaukee LGBT Community Center, 170 S. 2nd Street.

April Sat. 3 @ 7 P.M. Bi Definition Social/Discussion. Topic: “The Bi/Trans Alliance.” LGBT Community Center., 170 S. 2nd St. Sat. 3 @7 P.M. Bi Youth Milwaukee. LGBT Community Center, 170 S. 2nd St. Sat. 10 @ 7 P.M. Gemini Gender Group meeting. Unitarian Universalist West, Brookfield. Info: 297-9328. Tues. 20 @ 7 P.M. Bi Definition Social/Discussion. Topic: “The Bi/Trans Alliance.” LGBT Community Center, 170 S. 2nd St.> Tues. 20 @ 7 P.M. Bi Youth Milwaukee. LGBT Community Center, 170 S. 2nd St. Info: Richard 645-0402. Fri.-Sun. 23-25. Bi Definition carpool to BECAUSE Conference. Info: (612)822-0127, ext. 503. e-mail: because99@hotmail.com ssssssMay Sat. 1 @ 7 P.M. Bi Definition Social/Discussion. Topic; “Bisexuality & Ethics.” LGBT Community Center., 170 S. 2nd St. Sat. 1 @ 7 P.M. Bi Youth Milwaukee. LGBT Community Center, 170 S. 2nd St. Sat. 8 @ 7 P.M. Gemini Gender Group meeting. Unitarian Universalist West, Brookfield. Info: 297-9328. Tues. 18 @ 7 P.M. Bi Definition Social/Discussion. Topic: “Bisexuality & Ethics.” LGBT Community Center, 170 S. 2nd St. Tues. 18 @ 7 P.M. Bi Youth Milwaukee. LGBT Community Center., 170 S. 2nd St.   June Sat. 5 @ 7 P.M. Bi Definition Social/Discussion. Topic: “Bisexual Community.” LGBT Community Center, 170 S. 2nd St. Sat. 5 @ 7 P.M. Bi Youth Milwaukee. LGBT Community Center., 170 S. 2nd St. Sat. 12 @ 7 P.M. Gemini Gender Group meeting. Info: 297-9328 ues. 15 @ 7 P.M. Bi Definition Social/Discussion. Topic: “Bisexual Community.” LGBT Community Center, 170 S. 2nd St. Tues. 15 @ 7 P.M. Bi Youth Milwaukee. LGBT Community Center., 170 S. 2nd St.   July Sat. 3 @ 7 P.M. Bi Definition Social/Discussion. Topic: TBA. LGBT Community Center, 170 S. 2nd St. Sat. 3 @7 P.M. Bi Youth Milwaukee. BestD Clinic, 1240 E. Brady St. Sat. 17 @ 7 P.M. Gemini Gender Group meeting. Info: 297-9328. Tues. 20 @ 7 P.M. Bi Definition Social/Discussion. Topic: TBA. LGBT Community Center, 170 S. 2nd St. Tues. 20 @ 7 P.M. Bi Youth Milwaukee. LGBT Community Center., 170 S. 2nd St.

Bi Focals

 

Ask the Sex Kitty ~

Hello my raunchy readers. Time for more Sex Kitty—keep them cumming!  Dear Sex Kitty,  Is there a preference for either a “realistic” or vibrating dildo used for anal penetration within the les/bi/gay community? If so, what are the differences? sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssSigned, sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssShivering with Anticipation nbsp; Dear Shivering,  Frankly dear shivering, there are sooooo many wondrous ways to stimulate your derrière that I can’t tell you which way people prefer. nbsp;Here’s what I know: 1. Anal Beads are small beads adhered to a small and (make sure) sturdy rope. They are inserted into the anus and then pulled out at orgasm, or whenever you feel like it. 2. Butt Plug is basically a short, wide, cone-shaped dildo. 3. Anal Vibrator is a device that—you guessed it—vibrates. 4. Dildo doesn’t vibrate and comes in a variety of shapes and sizes. nbsp;This is a brief run down on anal toys. Look for anal toys that are sturdy, soft to the touch, pliable, rounded, and come with an enlarged flange or handle at the end. For more info consult www.sexhealth.org __________  Dear Sex Kitty,  When I told a friend that I didn’t like anal sex because my one and only experience was painful, he told me that anal sex is always somewhat painful. He said that was part of the appeal—the mix of pleasure and pain. Is this true? Is it always somewhat painful for everyone? sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssSigned, sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssSensitive Sweet Cheeks  Dear Sensitive Sweet Cheeks,  Obviously your first time with a man or a dildo was a little too large for you. Not all anal sex is painful. For some, the thought of the slightest bit of pain makes them wince. For others a little pain with their pleasure is just right. You must do what is comfortable for you.  Two words: relaxation and lubrication. Some objects may just be too big, but anal sex can be pleasurable. You just need to find the right fit. __________  Dear Sex Kitty,  Where can I get dental dams? Is it true that Saran Wrap can substitute for a dental dam? sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssSigned, sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssWant to Have Safe Fun  Dear Want to Have Safe Fun,  Well Safe Fun, actually finding a place to buy dental dams is nearly impossible in Milwaukee—at least I can’t find such a place. In fact, many sex shops, which shall remain nameless, had absolutely no idea what the Kitty was talking about. Moving on . . .Milwaukee AIDS Project does indeed hand out these little puppies. But for you do it yourselfers, I have discovered a few quick techniques to create a homemade dental dam.   Making a dam out of a condom (non-lubricated): 1. Cut off the tip. 2. Cut off the base. 3. Cut down one side. Tadah! A square latex dam!  You can also make a dam out of a latex glove (no talc please). 1. Cut off the fingers. 2. Cut off the base. 3. Cut along the thumb side of the palms.  And you are correct—you may also use Saran Wrap although it has a tendency to stick to itself. In fact, Saran Wrap has been tested by the FDA for its ability to stop viruses. It worked remarkably well at stopping transmission of virus sized particles.  Happy munching! __________  Hoping all your sex is fun and safe!  sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss~ Sex Kitty

bieditors Bi the Editors

This winter has been the season of change for Bi Definition and Bi All Means!  In December, Nikki Schlaishunt took over the editorship from Carol Ringo (although she still does layout). In January, after Bi Definition’s third anniversary party, the monthly meetings moved from the BestD Clinic to the LGBT Community Center. In February, Bi Definition gained office space at the LGBT Community Center, through Steve Butler’s generous financial challenge. (Steve agreed to pay the rent for this space for one year if a long-term financial planning committee formed, met monthly and drew progress reports.) In March, Steve announced a leave of absence, challenging Bi Definition organizationally.  Spring finds Bi Definition and BAM in the middle of transition and growth. Carol is looking to pass BAM layout on to others. The finance committee has just formed and is in a trial period. Most importantly, Steve’s absence will challenge all Bi Definition members to take on more responsibility for the bisexual community here in Milwaukee.  Sound scary? Change always is. But it can also be exciting and fun. Steve and Carol have spent three years building Bi Definition. Because of them and others who have joined them along the way, the bisexual community is organized, strong and cohesive. Change won’t be easy, and it might not be smooth, but we are starting from a sturdy base.  sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssBi for now, sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssNikki and Steve

ephem Ephemeral Essays

New bisexual writers emerge regularly and claim their place in Bi All Means!. They may stay as columnists or only momentarily delight us with their vision. We are very pleased to introduce them here.  Living Contradictions sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssby kdm   You are probably a lot like me. You get up for work, enjoy being with your friends, and try to find ways to improve life in general. I bet, though, that there are (many?) ways in which we are different. I will share my story with you now, and sometime, I will sit down and listen to yours.  I began thinking about my situation after attending the Bi-Definition meeting that dealt with progressive philosophies, otherwise known as “the isms” (such as feminism, vegetarianism, socialism, environmentalism, etc.) I found it very interesting that I was espousing many of these ideals, but wasn’t sure how I got there or what it exactly had to do with my bisexuality.  For starters, I’ve been a feminist at least since eighth grade when I did my first paper on the role of women in the church/Bible, as interpreted by the church of which I was a member. I was frustrated by what I found: women had very little power/position. This went against everything I felt and had experienced. Women were already doing a TON of officially unrecognized work and support for and of the church. Further, I felt that women deserved to work and serve in any position that they felt called to do.  Along the way, I’ve added a college degree, and a host of other progressive philosophies. I’m leaning towards vegetarianism. I’ve gotten pierced and tattooed (both good experiences for me). I’ve become MUCH more liberal/left-leaning than anyone in my family can handle. I’m pro-choice. I’m bisexual. I’m religiously questioning. I’m fired by the fight for social justice. And I’m adopted, possibly getting ready to start the search for my birth family.  Now this might not seem all that far-out, but if you knew from whence I came, this would seem like quite a ride.  I was raised in a comfortable middle-class family. My family members belong to one of the most conservative churches. Both of my parents have been married three times. I’ve been adopted twice (figure that one out). So how did I get where I am? And where exactly am I?  I’m not all that sure. I know that if I was as “out” at work as I am socially, I would be IMMEDIATELY relieved of my duties. Why? Because I work with small children and I work for that conservative church mentioned above. How can I stand to support that oppressive, patriarchal, anti-queer institution?  Because I am a living contradiction.  I have wrestled out within myself (as I am sure you have all wrestled a bit too with some issue) my rationale. My job is the best in the world (minus the necessary association with the church). I teach pre-school. Not only that, but I teach children that need excellent teachers more than anyone else I can think of. I teach inner city, W-2 kids that need people to care about them, love them, and teach them. And to have the opportunity to make a tangible difference in these children’s lives, and the world, on an everyday basis, is more than worth it.  Not only that, but it gives me a chance to be subversive. My corps of volunteers have included two gay men, a lesbian police officer, an atheist and a feminist. My staff teacher is a pagan and a bisexual. So just because I am working for the church doesn’t mean I’m working for the church.  So while it may be very easy to judge me in my situation, hear me out first. Really listen to my story. Find out my reasons (if I’m doing something, I should have a reason!) Don’t only walk a mile in my shoes, but live a day in my skin.  This is where I am right now. Stay tuned. I’ll keep you posted. And in the meantime, I’d love to hear your story.

howfeelHow Do You Feel?

In the last issue, we asked you the question: Which stereotype of bisexuals bothers you the most, and why?  Here are your responses:  The stereotype that I find most disturbing is that bisexuals don’t exist—you’re either gay or straight and that’s it. I’m deeply bothered by it because I have a lot of friends who are bisexual, and to say that they don’t exist is like saying that my friends don’t exist or that they’re just confused. It also means that if I date women, I can only date women and not men or transgendered people.  People who think this way really need to be educated about human sexuality and need to re-examine the Kinsey scale, thus realizing their error. And they really need to accept the way that things are in order to live in harmony with other people.  sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssCrystal Klinger sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssMilwaukee  The stereotype that bothers me the most is that bisexuals can’t be monogamous. Even heterosexuals can continue to be attracted to people of the opposite sex without acting upon it.  sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssP.L. sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssMilwaukee  The bisexual stereotype that bothers me the most is the one that denies the ‘bi’ in my sexuality. I’m talking about the stereotype that says I’m really a gay man who is unwilling to make the commitment to the gay lifestyle¾the one that labels me a fence sitter, a man in deep denial. FYI to any gay man who wants me, but doesn’t believe in my bisexuality: you got it all wrong bro—I’m really straight.  sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssCarl sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssMilwaukee  Thank you for sharing your unique point of view! Next issue's question is: How has identifying as bisexual changed your life?  Please let us know your viewpoint! You may request your name be withheld if you so desire but we will quote you in the next issue of Bi All Means!

notions Nikki's Notions ssssssssssssssssssssssss>by Nikki Schlaishunt

Genderspeak: A Call For Androgyny  My partner and I were talking about the different styles of communication between men and women. I said it seems to take men a lot longer to process how they feel and what they think about something. I pointed out that this frustrates women, who are ready to thrash the whole thing out right away because we know what we feel and think almost immediately. My partner said, “Yes, you do—but it won’t be the same tomorrow.”  He has a point, but his point is linear, logical and goal oriented. Men take their time to quietly internally process their thoughts and feelings, to set up and knock down arguments, find the weaknesses and loopholes and work them out. Then, and only then, are they willing to share the final product. This drives women nuts because we are not so much interested in the end result as we are in the process. How I get to where I am is just as important as the final point. This is especially poignant because life is always in flux, life is ever changing, so even the final point is not final. Women seem to have a more intuitive understanding of this than men, which is the root of where our styles of communication differ.  How I feel now is probably not how I will feel tomorrow. But by sharing my feelings with you now, and sharing the new feelings tomorrow, and sharing even newer feelings tomorrow afternoon, I am able to give you a fuller picture of who I am. When I share my shifting colors, you will be better able to see me as a complex, multifaceted being—a person with intricate thoughts and complex feelings, a person with strengths and weaknesses, hopes and fears, a rainbow of feelings, a symphony of thoughts.  When men edit out this process, we find ourselves cut off, left out. We end up feeling estranged. Who is this person who silently contemplates us, and then makes general pronouncements? We can see no colors in the carefully selected statements. There is no music or flow to the silent withdraw or to the carefully structured speeches. How did you get here? What did the journey taste like? Where are you going from here? What colors will you use to weave your path? These are the important details that women crave.  These two different styles are not in conflict. Men’s communication style has its strengths. Being able to break something down into its components, to simplify, and then to patch holes, reinforce weak areas and smooth out rough spots, these are all advantageous skills to have in the public realm—in government and business. And relationships also need some of this ability to focus on structure and outcomes.  These skills are complemented and balanced by women’s communication style—the approach that focuses on process and quality. Government and business can benefit from the empathy of this approach. Relationships thrive with this communication style. But only when both parties involved have a balance of these two styles within each of them.  As women have increasingly entered the public realm, we have learned how to use and value the male communication style. Likewise, men can learn to use and value the process style of communication. Both men and women can learn to balance these two styles—within themselves, in their relationships with others, and in the larger public realm. We can learn together, and make the world a better place for having grown.

rainbowRainbow Politics: Clear and Simple sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss>by S. Butler

The following column is designed to help those who have a desire to make a difference for the Les/Bi/Gay/Trans community without getting bogged down, bored, or confused, which is often associated with the world of politics.  Inter-Bisexual Politics  Unbeknownst to me during my first couple of years as a bisexual activist, the ugliness of cliquish politics was an aspect of the national bisexual movement.  What initially attracted me to the bisexual movement was of course, my own bisexuality. Then I thought I had found utopia. After reading the nation’s largest bisexual organization’s inclusive and empowering literature, hearing it touted as embracing a broad humanistic agenda, and finding that governing was by consensus process, I truly felt I was about to fall in love with my new “family” members.  Then slowly the air began leaking from my bubble. I started hearing stories from people who had first-hand experience with this organization. Numerous credible individuals such as previous national coordinators (N.C.s), a treasurer, past members, present regional organizers (R.O.s) and volunteers who prepared the local logistics for an annual meeting all were unhappy with the national organization. Connecting all of these reports was the underlying theme of hierarchical governing.  I became very confused. On one hand, the organization espoused wonderful grassroots “all-for-one” type beliefs through their mission statement, handouts and newsletter. On the other hand, many people who’ve “been there” were telling me they felt alienated and/or angry by their actual experiences with this organization.  After mentioning some of their tales of dissatisfaction to an N.C., I heard “that was then, this is now.” The group had been revamped, I was told.  “Great,” I thought. Not being one to take things at face value, I agreed to run, and was elected to be an R.O. I was determined to right any wrongs I came across. However, this soon proved to be a virtually impossible task, working in an organization where any real power comes from the top clique.  In order to illustrate these concerns accurately, I drew up the following list to show some of the alienating behavior I experienced during and immediately following my stint as an R.O.: The regional membership cash flow was to be sent to National with the understanding that an “appropriate” amount was to trickle down to regional treasurers; in more than two years our regional chapter never received a cent. We also did not receive contact information about Midwestern people who initially joined through the national level until they feared us developing a new Midwestern organization.  At one point two N.C.s lived in the region, but refused to attend meetings. Both of them wouldn’t even send their local group’s news to the regional newsletter. During the entire length of my time spent as an R.O., I was never contacted by anyone from National. The one exception being the time they called to express their less than positive concerns about a new self-supporting Midwestern organization. Recently, N.C.s have appointed their own R.O. instead of allowing normal elections to take place.  The straw that broke the camel’s back regarding any interest I may have had left in this group was after hearing from another local organizer. This person told me that when the ruling national sextet was in his hometown of Kansas City for a meeting, they refused to even meet with the local group because they “didn’t have time.” They didn’t have time to simply shake a half dozen, or so hands of their dues paying member?! In my opinion, members should be priority number one.  Am I spiteful? It doesn’t really matter. What does matter is that although this organization does a lot of important coalition building with other queer organizations and our allied friends, and other such “big” work, the truly grassroots support for many of its constituents is virtually absent. This is primarily why membership increases at a snail’s pace¾they lose almost as many members as they gain. Of course this translates to minimal financial growth and lack of much new energy from its base.  I’m confident that there remain some well-intentioned leaders in the nation’s largest bisexual organization. But it’s really sad that a group founded on such admirable principles is allowed to be corrupted by elitist behavior.  Why air this soiled laundry? Because I dearly believe in the importance of advancing the bisexual movement. The movement’s foundation, goals and enlightenment of sexual orientation, identity and relationships are still essential. Covering up the dire problems that exist would do nothing to address them.

ssssssss Straight But Not Narrow ssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss>by K. Patrick Callahan

This column is intended to be a discourse to those of you who are part of the gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender community from a heterosexual man.  This article is written to evoke comment from those of you who read this article. I have often asked the former editor of this publication, Carol Ringo, if she ever hears comments about the topics I write on. She has pointed to some response but not much. I am curious, though to hear from the LGBT community and what thoughts you have on the articles written.  As the column states, I am “straight,” (i.e. I am not homosexual, bisexual, or lesbian) but not narrow. One of the articles I wrote included the concept of the LGBT community opening the doors, so to speak, so that people like myself who are straight and have difficulty understanding the gay, bisexual, lesbian (Bohemian) lifestyle can get to know people of sexual diversity. I mean really get to know them as individuals who are just as concerned with the economy, just as frustrated at their boss, just as eager to see Friday roll around, etc. and know that we do not have to feel threatened by people of sexual diversity. I know this is true.  I hear the snide remarks from people who are not enlightened at work, the innuendo, the snickers, and the pointed finger. It harkens me back to the days when I was young and people in school would point and laugh at those in my class who were different (Jewish, Japanese, retarded, etc). They would say with an oh so smug attitude that they were glad that they were not like THOSE people, and how unfortunate THOSE people were, how much they were unlike THEM.  Seems like this has happened before. Historically, whites subjugated blacks for the same reasons, calling them inferior and not like US. As humans, we don’t seem to learn much about our past and how we have abused others who are not like us. It is time for the people to stand up and say, enough. Let’s treat our brothers and sisters with the respect they deserve. Let’s rise up from the muck and ooze of evolution and accept those who are different.

To Our Wonderful, Sneaky Friends at Bi Definition:  Thanks so much for our surprise party. We feel so incredibly touched and honored by your thoughtfulness. It must be every organizer’s dream to be thanked well for their efforts, and you have done so with bells on.  Never mind that we found ourselves a bit at a loss because someone else had done the organizing (Nikki, you sly spell-caster)! From the balloons to the bubbly to the Bi Def. moments speeches (are you sure you didn’t roast us just a teeny-weeny bit?), we thoroughly enjoyed it all. Thanks to all who helped make this happen and thanks especially for sharing your beautiful BTLG selves with us!  sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssSteve and Carol

oddsends

A Bit of Bisexual His/Herstory

1984 - The First East Coast Conference on Bisexuality is held at the Storrs School of Scoial Work at the University of Connecticut. About 150 people participate in what is the first regional bisexual conference in the U.S. ssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss- BiNet USA

didyouknow Did You Know?

A bisexual, William A. Henry III, was the originator of the term “outing.”

fun Fun and Games

Find the meaning in this statement: ssssssssss“ . . . I probably don’t buy into bisexuality very much, uh . . . I think it’s a way of being upscale gay. I think that we, that under certain circumstances probably everybody is polymorphously perverse as Freud would say, and I think that men who are . . . who are straight become uhm . . . gay in prison, because there is no alternative. Does that mean that they’re straight, that they’re bisexual? Probably not. Does that mean? . . . Because it seems to me that . . . sexual orientation is something that we have surprisingly little control over, that if we could choose who would turn us on all of our lives, would be much more (unintelligible) and uh . . . chemistry is chemistry but I think you can probably close your eyes and think of England . . . and have sex with probably anybody under those circumstances, but the question is not, are you having sex with that man or woman, and so, I . . . I know women who are straight, define themselves as straight and . . . uh . . . as they aged, uh, they were widowed or divorced, or . . . or alone, became sexual with one another, not because they were gay, but because they wanted some physical kind of release and felt that, that was the only option opened to them. Does that make them bisexual? I don’t think so, I think that they are straight women behaving in a way that was not particularly consistent with their, with their reality, but with their fantasies, so . . . I , I, you, you’ve been so nice to me and I, and I sort of don’t want to say listen, I think you’re really not being honest with yourself, but if you’re asking me as a professional, I would I think say bisexuality is . . . I think just because there’s almost nothing in this life that we feel equally about. But, I mean, for one, and given a choice, that we would choose one over the other. Ah . . . now . . . now if there is only one, if there’s only strawberry and and vanilla, then we may, I mean you see my point, and and my analogies get a little nutsy at some but . . . Uhum . . .”

- Radio talk show host Dr. Joy Brown, when asked if she acknowledged bisexuality as a valid sexual identity (BiNet News)

Your astute interpretations will be printed in the next issue of Bi All Means!

quotesQuotes

Direct quotes from the tape of a show broadcast on the Christian Broadcast Network:  “All death row inmates—regardless of the status of any appeals—if you’re on death row, you will be executed tomorrow.”  “Anyone performing, attempting to perform or encouraging homosexual behavior from this day forward, upon conviction, will be executed.”  “ . . . All these employees of the government who are known homosexual, bisexual, anything—or who are known to have cross-dressed or who have belonged to any homosexual organization—must be terminated with a 24 hour notice and no severance pay. Managers knowingly retaining homosexual, bisexual, etc. employees must pay restitution of double the amount of salary and benefits paid to the illicit employees and . . . they will be flogged. And the same thing is true again now for any government employees who are openly pro-abortion.”  sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss– BiNet News

See more issues of Bi All Means! sssss sssss Back home to Bi Definition. sssss sssss sssss