Bi All Means! changes editorship

With eleven issues under her belt, Carol Ringo is relinquishing her position as Bi All Means! Editor. Due to the demands that her career ambitions require and a potential move out of state, Carol has decided to pass the baton now in order to help ensure a smooth transfer to the new editor.   "This has been a great experience. I've learned a lot about editing and feel very lucky to have worked with such motivated writers, especially with such a dedicated person as Steve. I'm proud to have helped get bisexuals' points of view out in the open." While Carol is credited with the layout of this issue, she will be giving up this position as well as soon as a qualified replacement is identified.   "I'll surely miss working on B.A.M. with Carol—we've been through so much more on this than anyone knows," said Managing Editor, Steve Butler. "Milwaukee's bi community truly owes a big debt of gratitude to her for the hundreds of hours that she has put into making B.A.M. a top-notch newsletter," Steve went on to say.   Carol will continue to serve as co-facilitator of Bi Definition until a decision is made about moving.   The new editor, Nikki Schlaishunt, is well known to members and recent readers of B.A.M., as she has submitted a number of items to the publication. As reported in the last issue, Nikki seems the logical heir apparent due to her data input experience, past Bi Definition treasury responsibility and her activism in the LGBT community. She is currently serving on the BECAUSE planning committee and the Human Rights League board.   In line with the national bisexual movement, Nikki is politically left-of-center and is a feminist. She is also an Alternatives to Violence Project facilitator. "I am happy to be able to help Bi Definition in this manner. I have always loved writing and I feel up to the task of editing B.A.M., although I am glad that Carol will be available for consultation for a while!"   Steve concluded by mentioning, "While it'll be difficult to fill Carol's shoes to be sure, I'm very confident in Nikki's abilities and dedication—I am sure we'll make a good team. We're lucky to have her to be able to step in like this."   Like Carol, Nikki invites everyone to send in items for print. B.A.M. can only continue if people like you contribute.Next time you see Nikki, please thank her for stepping in to such an important and demanding position! bammeets

Bi All Means! meets with Anything That Moves magazine sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssby Tim Kietzman

On a recent trip to San Francisco, Bi All Means! Editor-emeritus Carol Ringo and I were hosted to a tour of the Anything That Moves office by the staff of that wonderfully irreverent bisexual magazine.   We found our way through the area known as South of Market—SoMa to the locals—to a small single-room office packed with papers, empty food wrappers and computer gear. There we met Scott Lofgren, office manager, and Jonathan Furst, business manager. They gave us a sneak peak into the latest edition of ATM before it hit the streets (what a great treat) and told us about some of the history of the magazine.   We were informed that Anything That Moves started as the newsletter for the Bay Area Bisexual Network and quickly moved on to represent the interests and views of the bisexual community across California and the nation. Distributed internationally, it champions causes and writings in support of bisexual and queer inclusion.   A few days later we reciprocated ATM’s hospitality with wine and cashews in the lobby of our hotel. During the evening, we talked about an important issue to the queer community—the climate of intolerance being sold by the right wing moralists of this nation. ATM, along with other queer organizations, is taking an active role in starting a campaign of reason that states that the right to choose our sexuality is a right we should not be ashamed of. Rather than discussing issues of genetics or environment, we should unite and support the right of every person to choose whom they want and whom they want to love. ATM is now actively working to build support for this rational position in communities across the nation.   It was truly an exciting time talking with people from a wider circle of our BLGT community. bdmoves

Bi Definition moves to LGBT Community Center Feb. 6

Encouraged by a one-year, $100 per month offer of a donation from bisexual activist, Steve Butler, Bi Definition members reached a consensus to move operations and rent an office cubicle at the new Milwaukee LGBT Community Center, which is located at 170 S. 2nd St., starting Saturday, February 6th at 7:00 p.m.   Conditions of the offer are that a fundraising committee is to be formed in order to generate ways to continue full financial support of the cubicle after the first year, and written monthly progress reports of the committee are drawn. Four individuals immediately stepped up to fill this committee.   The cost to Bi Definition will be $75 per month. The additional $25 per month from the donation will be used for various office supplies and advertising fundraisers.   The main reasons for the move were due to growing Bi Definition membership, resulting in tight quarters at the BestD Clinic, having a central place to conduct business meetings and keep paperwork, and to have an increased bi presence in Milwaukee's lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgendered community.

biyouth Bi Youth Milwaukee

Bi Youth Milwaukee meets at 7 pm on the first and third Sunday of each month at BestD Clinic, 1240 E. Brady St. (see Calendar for details). You don't have to choose!

bibeaten Bisexual man beaten and strangled in Ohio

Our sympathies to the family and friends of bisexual Michael J. Carpenter of Cincinnati, Ohio, who was beaten and strangled to death after meeting a man in a queer bar.

biwins Bisexual politicians win elections

Congratulations to out bisexual Connecticut State Representative Evelyn Mantilla for easily winning re-election with 88% of votes over a Pentacostal preacher who utilized a vicious smear campaign. And also to Kate Brown, new Oregon State Senator and a bipartisan bisexual.

party Jan. 2 party will feature variety show

Page editor's note: This event was postponed until Tuesday, January 19 because of a blizzard. All other details remain the same.   Bi Definition members are singing scales, tuning their instruments and practicing speaking in verse in anticipation of a variety show to be held at the BestD Clinic, 1240 E. Brady St., for the Bi Definition annual anniversary party.   On Saturday, January 2 at 7:00 pm, Bi Definition members and friends will gather to celebrate the third anniversary of bisexual community in Milwaukee. Truly, an incredible amount has been accomplished due to the organizing of local bisexuals, so it’s important to pause, have fun and be proud.   The evening’s festivities will kick off with a complete home-made chili dinner with a game and exercise or two to follow. Music, ice cream and cake and the variety show will round out our third anniversary party. As always, there is no charge to current members—although donations are appreciated—others can either become an annual member for just $15, or $5 covers the cost of the party alone.   If you haven’t been to a meeting of Bi Definition, this can be a good way to get your feet wet and find out what we’re all about at this light event.

office Office cubicle wish list

Bi Definition is in need and asking for donations of the following items to adequately supply our new office cubicle at the Milwaukee LGBT Community Center:   1. Desk and chair on wheels 2. Plastic floor 3. Locking file cabinet 4. Stacking “in and out” type containers 5. Computer, printer 6. Cordless telephone 7. Other misc. office supplies

disc Upcoming Discussion Topics

Page editor's note: The anniversary party was postponed because of a blizzard and is rescheduled for Tuesday, January 19. The discussion topic scheduled for that night will be shifted to April.   January (Sat. 2): Third Anniversary Party (at BestD Clinic) ssssssss(Tues. 19): “The Bi/Trans Alliance” (at BestD Clinic)" February (Sat. 6 & Tues. 16): “Let’s Talk About Sex!” (at the LGBT Community Center)" March (Sat. 5 & Tues. 15): “BECAUSE Info” (at the LGBT Community Center)"   Bi Definition meets on the first Saturday and third Tuesday of every month at 7:00 p.m. for discussions about specific topics pertaining to bisexuality. Beginning February 6, all discussions will be held at the Milwaukee LGBT Community Center, 170 S. 2nd Street.   Our first meeting of the New Year—Saturday, January 2nd—will be our Third Anniversary Party. Come help us celebrate! For more details, see the article entitled "Jan. 2 party will feature variety show." On Tuesday, January 19th, we will be looking at the Bi/Trans Alliance. In what ways do our communities overlap? What can we learn from each other? How can we help support each other? This will offer an opportunity for both communities to learn more about each other.   The mainstream philosophy about sex often seems to be, “Have it if you must, but please don’t talk about it!” This philosophy has contributed to unplanned pregnancies, unsafe sex and a discomfort with sex that can be inhibiting. On Saturday February 6th, and Tuesday February 16th, we will Talk About Sex and sexuality, focusing on the words we use to describe this important and integral part of our lives.   The annual Bisexual Empowerment Conference: A Uniting Supportive Experience (BECAUSE), will take place the last weekend in April in St. Paul, Minnesota. To hear about past conferences and to learn more about the upcoming conference, come to the March meetings—Saturday the 6th and Tuesday the 16th.   An annual Bi Definition membership, which includes discreet newsletter mailings and free admittance to all events, is just $15 per year or $5 for a single gathering. In case of extreme financial hardship, an exchange of a service donation can be arranged for attendance.

For information or confirmation on any Bi Definition or Bi Youth Milwaukee event listed, contact Steve at bidef@netwurx.net or write: Bi All Means!, P.O. Box 07541, Milwaukee, WI 53207.   Bi Definition socials/discussions are held on the first Saturday and third Tuesday of each month @ 7:00 p.m. Beginning February 6, they will be held at the Milwaukee LGBT Community Center, 170 S. 2nd Street, Milwaukee, Wisconsin. Until then, they will be held at the BestD Clinic, 1240 E. Brady St.   January Sat. 2 @ 7:00 P.M. Bi Definition's 3rd Anniversary Party! BestD Clinic, 1240 E. Brady. (Moved to Jan. 19) Sun. 3 @ 7:00 P.M. Bi Youth Milwaukee. BestD Clinic, 1240 E. Brady St. Tues. 12 @ 7 P.M. Gemini Gender Group Meeting. Unitarian Universalist West, Brookfield. Info: 297-9328. Sun. 17 @ 7 P.M. Bi Youth Milwaukee. BestD Clinic, 1240 E. Brady St. Tues. 19 @ 7 P.M. Bi Definition Social/Discussion. Topic: "The Bi/Trans Alliance." BestD Clinic, 1240 E. Brady St. (This topic will be moved to a later date because the Anniversary Party is now sceduled for Jan. 19.) ssssss February Sat. 6 @ 7 P.M. Bi Definition Social/Discussion. Topic: "Let's Talk About Sex!" LGBT Community Ctr.,170 S. 2nd St. Sun. 7 @ 7 P.M. Bi Youth Milwaukee. BestD Clinic, 1240 E. Brady St. Sat. 13 @ 7 P.M. Gemini Gender Group Meeting. Unitarian Universalist West, Brookfield. Info: 297-9328. Tues. 16 @ 7 P.M. Bi Definition Social/Discussion. Topic: "Let's Talk About Sex!" LGBT Com. Ctr., 170 S. 2nd St. Sun. 21 @ 7 P.M. Bi Youth Milwaukee. BestD Clinic, 1240 E. Brady St.   March Sat. 6 @ 7 P.M. Bi Definition Social/Discussion. Topic: "BECAUSE Info." LGBT Community Ctr., 170 S. 2nd St. Sun. 7 @ 7 P.M. Bi Youth Milwaukee. BestD Clinic, 1240 E. Brady St. Sat. 13 @ 7 P.M. Gemini Gender Group Meeting. Unitarian Universalist West, Brookfield. Info: 297-9328 Tues. 16 @ 7 P.M. Bi Definition Social/Discussion. Topic: "BECAUSE Info." LGBT Community Ctr., 170 S. 2nd St. Sun. 21 @ 7 P.M. Bi Youth Milwaukee. BestD Clinic, 1240 E. Brady St.   April Sat. 3 @ 7 P.M. Bi Definition Social/Discussion. Topic: TBA. Sun. 4 @7 P.M. Bi Youth Milwaukee. BestD Clinic, 1240 E. Brady St. Tues. 20 @ 7 P.M. Bi Definition Social/Discussion. Topic: TBA. Sun. 18 @ 7 P.M. Bi Youth Milwaukee. BestD Clinic, 1240 E. Brady St. Fri.-Sun. 23-25. Bi Definition carpool to BECAUSE Conference.

Bi Focals

 

Ask the Sex Kitty ~

Oh, my little shish kebabs, do we have a scrumptious issue for you! Kitty explored Cyberspace recently in an endless search for an obscure answer to an inane question. If Ms. Kitty ever meets the questioner in a dark alley, rest assured the said inane questioner will be clawed good! But all is not lost. May I suggest www.sexuality.org? Mucho interesante reading, my kitties!   Dear Sex Kitty,   Are the rules different when flirting with the same sex? sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssSigned, sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssStruck Out Once nbsp; Dear Struck Out Once,   It seems to me someone is suffering from a little low self esteem. Rejection happens. Did you stop flirting with the opposite sex after one shot? nbsp; Personally, flirting is flirting. It is the art of seducing someone so you get what you want, i.e., sex, love, money, power, respect, attention, etc. (I could go on). All flirting requires is that you act as if you are confident, knowledgeable and desirable. No one will be able to tell the difference. Trust me. nbsp; Here are some simple questions to ask yourself when flirting with someone: 1. Is my lust bunny smiling at me while I am talking? 2. Is my sexy momma actively listening to me? 3. Are my lollipop's friends paying attention to me? (i.e. he/she has been talking about you.) If you can answer yes to any of these questions you are on the road to flirting freedom. __________   Dear Sex Kitty,   What does "choda" mean? sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssSigned, sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssOrgasmo's Victim   Dear Orgasmo's Victim,   You feel like a victim?!? I could have knit five rainbow flag blankets in the time it took me to find this answer. A choda is the skin between a man's testicles and anus.   For more choda fun look at www.choda.com. For the eons of time I spent on the computer locating this answer, I deserve an Olympic medal or the choda of my choice! __________   Dear Sex Kitty,   Is there any danger to genital/pubic shaving? sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssSigned, sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssNo Nicks   Dear No Nicks,   Yes, if you are not careful. Here are some tips kitty's pulled off the net: 1. presoak the area to shave at least 10 minutes; trim hair first, then take the first swipe in the direction of the hair; 2. use shaving cream (some people are allergic to shaving cream and/or other products one might use to shave, so if you have sensitive skin you might want to avoid this ritual altogether); 3. pull the skin tight as you shave; 4. at most shave the same area twice at one time; 5. always use a fresh razor; 6. apply aloe vera or Gillette Satin Care Skin Replenishing Cream daily (this should prevent skin irritation); 7. (Kitty's favorite tip) no undies after you shave to lessen irritation; and 8. hair grow-out is a bitch—if you are an exercise freak—don't shave and run.   Some people find shaving their pubes and keeping them smooth to be a very erotic activity. The only danger would be an infected ingrown hair at which point you should go see your doctor. So go shave yourself silly, but don't let the razor slip! __________   Hoping all your encounters are cheeky and choda-ful!   sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss~ Sex Kitty

bieditors Bi the Editors

Bi Definition and Gemini Gender Group participated in a Human Rights League (HRL) panel discussion for the larger LGBT community about the importance of increasing bi and trans visibility. Our two groups also received awards from HRL for groups less than three years old who actively promote the interests of the queer community.   Bisexuals were visible at clean up sessions at the Milwaukee LGBT Community Center. We also attended the Center's Grand Opening.   On the party scene, Nikki had a "Childhood Remembered" party, which drew over two dozen bisexuals and friends. Christopher hosted a Halloween party, which saw numerous outrageous costumes, and Carol recently threw a (gasp!) 40th birthday party for Christopher.   Word has it that the trip to Chicago for dinner, dancing and a play was loads of fun!   In film, Bi Definition folks met to see Orgasmo, The Rocky Horror Picture Show and numerous videos at the annual Gay and Lesbian Film and Video Festival. Speaking of the G/L Film Fest, Bi Definition agreed on a letter which was sent to the Festival thanking them for including bisexual films and asking them to include bisexuals and transgendered people in the title of future festivals. Hopefully they'll see the importance.   Bisexuals continued in the fight against HIV/AIDS by once again raising funds for the local AIDS Walk Wisconsin.   Our thanks goes out to Nadine for stepping up to take over the treasury role now that Nikki has become the new Bi All Means! Editor.   In the rumor department . . . We're told that we can look for a gay man opening a bisexual bar in the Walker's Point area somewhere around the first of the year.   See you at our 3rd Anniversary Party on Saturday, January 2, starting at 7:00 p.m. at the BestD Clinic, 1240 E. Brady Street! And don't forget that Tuesday, January 19 will be our last meeting at the Clinic. Beginning in February, all Bi Definition social/discussions will be held at the Milwaukee LGBT Community Center, 170 S. 2nd Street.   sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssBi for now, sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssNikki and Steve

ephem Ephemeral Essays

New bisexual writers emerge regularly and claim their place in Bi All Means!. They may stay as columnists or only momentarily delight us with their vision. We are very pleased to introduce them here.   Polyamory sssssssssssssssby Deirdre   The word "polyamorous" was coined to describe the people whose relational preference is to have more than one love. The same word also can be used to describe a lifestyle choice to act on that preference. Another often given definition is that polyamory is "open, honest, and responsible non-monogamy."   People who choose to live polyamorously talk openly about the moral issues they face—from making sure one partner doesn't feel neglected when another needs extra attention, to discussing the Milwaukee LGBT Community Center sexual histories, health, safer sex practices, and agreeing as to what is OK when. Open and honest communication is hailed as an important (perhaps the most important) part of loving responsibly. But before getting to the practical aspects of anything, most people want to know something about what polyamory is and what it is good for.   Our mythology (from Cinderella, to TV sit-coms) tells us that you can love only one person in the romantic and/or sexual sense. But it also tells us you can desire only the other gender sexually. For some people, the standard heterosexual mythology fits comfortably; for others, not at all. It is the same with the standard monogamous mythology. Of course, it is not easy to buck what you've always been taught, to say nothing of facing down societal misunderstanding, disapproval and worse. It is not easy to juggle the schedules of more than two adults in our hectic world. It can also be quite difficult to deal with legal and social issues like buying a house together, dealing with hospital personnel, and dealing with everyone's families.   So why would people choose to act on such a preference? I suspect that the answers would vary just as much as the answers to why people are willing to openly be bi. For me, a big part of the answer is that polyamory is a part of my quest for ways to live without making everything a question of who wins and who loses. Or, better yet, to at least try to find ways for everyone involved to win.   We all know the story. Art loves Gwen. Art loves Lance. Lance and Gwen fall in love, and cannot pretend they do not love each other, and all that is good in the world falls apart. Art loses, Gwen loses, and Lance loses.   Imagine instead an alternative story, one where Art and Gwen never promised each other exclusivity. One where Gwen and Lance could talk with Art about their feelings. (Perhaps even one where Lance and Art could talk about their feelings for each other.) Imagine a story where, after discussion and negotiation, Art and Gwen welcomed Lance into their family. Would it have worked? Maybe not—after all, no friendship or love relationship (formalized or not) is guaranteed to last a lifetime. But it could hardly have ended more badly than the traditional version.   Another very central issue, for me, is honesty. Although I don't feel it is necessary (or appropriate) to discuss my sex life with my boss, I do think that secrets kept from a spouse (or similarly close lover) harms the intimacy of the relationship and harms trust. (Similarly, not sharing important information about my work with my boss would hurt the work and the trust between us.) It is important to me to be honest with an already existing partner if I find someone new that is interesting—whether or not I choose to act on that interest. But it is also important to me to be able to be honest with the new friend. Partially, this is for selfish reasons—if you aren't honest with friends, they never become close friends, and I very much treasure my close friends.   But this is also because too many people these days feel inadequate, unlovely and unlovable, and there is no way to affirm the worth of a person that is greater or more powerful than telling them that they are loved for who they are. To me, withholding that affirmation from someone is a harmful lie. If someone is loveable, they deserve to know that just as much as they deserve to be told if they have done something that has hurt me. If I were in a monogamous relationship, one where expressing love for others was forbidden, I'd have no good choices. Do I lie to one person I love by pretending I don't love? Do I break a promise (and probably lie, besides) to another person I love? One of the things I like best about polyamory is that it allows me to be open and honest with each person I love. I can at least try to make each relationship a win-win situation.   I am not trying to convince any reader that he or she should be polyamorous. Rather, I talk about polyamory because our myths don't give a model for moral choices other than monogamy (unless it's celibacy). And it is obvious to me that monogamy and celibacy don't work for everyone, just as heterosexuality doesn't work for everyone. Optimist that I am, I believe no one should have to lose just because they are different, or, tragically, simply because they are honest about who they love.

howfeel How Do You Feel?

In the last issue, we asked you the question: Are you bisexual because you like both genitalia or regardless of what's between a person's legs?   Here are your responses:   I am bisexual, not specifically because I find it easy to talk to both sexes, but more so out of physical attraction. I really feel that anybody could fall in love with any other person—say, on-line—never confirming the sex of that other person. From that standpoint, for me, physical attraction is vital in a relationship.   Any two straight people can root themselves into an emotional dependency, but what keeps those same two persons from falling in love? I think it's a physical attraction. And because I relate to bisexuality, there are sexual fantasies that only men can fulfill, and others I reserve solely for women. To me, the emotional completeness develops with any healthy relationship; however, physical voids still exist, even if I am in the best relationship ever.   sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssPeter Bietzer sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssMilwaukee   The short answer is "yes." Rather than tease, I'll explain. My answer is yes because when I am attracted to a person, height, weight, looks, and the shapes of various body parts are only relevant insofar as they are part of that person. My answer is also yes because I like both male and female—and that's not only a matter of genitalia. Gender affects our personalitities, our conversational style, our social life, and our approaches to relationships and sex. I enjoy these differences in people.   sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssDandelion sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssMilwaukee   As love and intimacy grow deeper and deeper, anatomy becomes (or anatomical differences become) less and less important for me.   sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssJohn sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssKenosha   Why focus the attention only on the "naughty bits"? Sex is more than tab "A" and slot "B," if you know what I mean. And of all people, I think bi's and transgenders know this very well. I could start drooling at the mere sight of David Duchovny's neck or k.d. lang's hands.   Personally, being bi means exploring and enjoying a very broad range of sexual experience. That is not just sex, but the sharing of minds and souls that comes with any good relationship. And I've found that once you start blurring the edges of what is male and what is female, a whole new world of sexual, erotic feelings open up. Who would want to give that up? So to sum up, the answer for me is like my sexual preference—BOTH!   sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssSandra sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssWest Allis   Thank you for sharing your unique point of view! Next issue's question is: Which stereotype of bisexuals bothers you the most, and why?   Please let us know your viewpoint! You may request your name be withheld if you so desire but we will quote you in the next issue of Bi All Means!

notions Nikki's Notions

Penis Fear sssssssssssssssss>by Nikki Schlaishunt   Last winter over dinner with my in-laws, the topic of triad relationships was brought up. My father-in-law said that a triad relationship could never work with two men and one woman; he said there would be too much competition. The heterocentric flaw in this argument is obvious, but the assumption is very mainstream. The conversation then touched on homosexuality. My sister-in-law said that, even though she wasn't interested in women, the idea of two women together didn't bother her, but she found the idea of two men together repugnant. "Why is that?" I asked her. "Well," she said, "I guess because they have penises."   This conversation came back to me the other day as I was trying to sort through my own feelings about men, women and sex. As a bisexual woman, I find myself attracted to both men and women; love is not gender based for me. However, I do have a fear of sex with men, and, like what my sister-in-law said, it boils down to the fact that men have penises.   But it isn't the penises themselves that scare me—it is what they have come to represent that frightens. First, there is the language we use: Penises are called by names like the mighty sword, and we use violent words like penetration and thrusting to describe what a man does with his penis sexually. Then there's the linkage of sex with violence—specifically male sex. This is done with words like "fuck"—usually assumed to mean male/female intercourse—which are used to threaten and curse: "Don't mess with me or I'll fuck you up", "Mother fucker", or the popular "You little fuck". Shouldn't even a little fuck be a good thing? Not when "fuck" has come to mean pain, domination and humiliation.     And this is the crux of the problem—it is not just penises, it is the very essence of male sexual energy that has been tainted with this link to violence. Individual males may be able to avoid or purge this link from their sexuality, but most men have some degree of this mix-up of sex and violence. As a woman, I find this mix terrifying.   There has been lots written and said about women and their fear of men, women's fear of sexual violence by men, and the ways women have attempted to deal with these issues. But, what about men? All men have penises. Does that neutralize their fear of penises? Or is that where part of homophobia comes from? Fear of the penis as a weapon. Does this play into the whole size obsession? And what about men who are attracted to penises? Maybe the combination of owning a penis, and enjoying other men's penises allows these men to go beyond the fear of "penis as weapon". Or is there fear lurking even in these relationships?   I belong to no one. I don't even belong to myself. I am sky. I am earth. I am sea and seafoam. I am starlight and sun heat. I am beginning. I am end. How can these things be possessions? We can experience them. We can become them. We can share them. But we cannot own them. I am not a possession and I resent the implication.   My father-in-law said a two-men triad could never work because of competition. He assumed this was a given. He assumed there was no other way to be a man. He assumed male sexual energy was linked inextricably with violence/domination/competition. As a woman who is afraid of penises, I hope he is wrong. As a woman who loves men, I believe there is more to men than competition, domination and violence.   I've known men who reject this linkage of sex and violence, men who have embraced a gentleness to go with their wildness, empathy to go with their passion. Men who have joined with women, and men who have joined with men, to envision a world where sex is not used for domination, male sexual energy is celebrated for its wild and tender passion, and penises are loved because they give and receive joy.

rainbow Rainbow Politics: Clear and Simple sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss>by S. Butler

The following column is designed to help those who have a desire to make a difference for the Les/Bi/Gay/Trans community without getting bogged down, bored, or confused, which is often associated with the world of politics.   A Case for Bi-Bi Partnerships   Potential Couplings for Bisexuals ssS1. Bi Female – Lesbian IS*2. Bi Female – Bi Female ssS3. Bi Female – Straight Male IS*4. Bi Female – Bi Male ssS5. Bi Male – Straight Female IS*6. Bi Male – Bi Male ssS7. Bi Male – Gay Male   Most people partner with those of similar ethnic groups and religious philosophy due to the ease and comfort level when commonalities exist. Similarly, I believe that those who do not wish to minimize their bisexual identity have the best chance of remaining content in committed relationships when they are involved with other bisexuals.   While I am in no way a separatist--in fact I am in the minority, preferring interracial relationships--I do know that the more differences there are at the start of a relationship, the more likely that difficulties will arise in the future.   One of the reasons that many bisexuals complain of problems is their continued attempts to fit "square pegs into round holes." Generally unless a particular difference is actually desired, we should seek those with as many likenesses to ourselves as possible.   Do not misinterpret that I believe that interorientational relationships are innately wrong, just that they often will add one more thing that the couple will have to work on.   We can't be precise about who we fall in love with--love is not a science--but it is possible to gear toward, and surround ourselves with the type of people we could ultimately grow with most successfully. If we solely go with someone that we have general things in common with and the person happens to love us, and we suppress that which is dear to our innermost knowledge of who we are, we are likely headed for unhappiness--a life less than all it could be.   Of course some monosexuals can comprehend bisexual issues in theory--and for some bi's that may suffice--but if the bisexual partner happens to want to continue to be with their partner and another gender, the gay/lesbian or straight person will need to be receptive to nonmonogamy or the relationship will likely become difficult, if not impossible.   Even if the bisexual says s/he wants or needs monogamy, numerous problems can still surface when bi and monosexual persons attempt a relationship. The straight or gay partner may never truly become comfortable with the bi's queer or hyper-conservative friends. The monosexual partner may not be able to adequately support her or his partner's emotional needs regarding orientation. The bisexual may find himself or herself not willing to remain monogamous after all. Or the bi may have a desire for her or his partner to experience the same joy of fluidity beyond what the gay or straight person is interested in, to name just a few.   No two bisexuals wish to live the same lifestyle, but there is a certain mindset that most bisexuals share. When one is open to loving any gender, often such a person enjoys other aspects of "both/and", that for those used to "either/or" paradigms, may have a difficult time embracing.   In short, sometimes sexual orientation differences in a relationship may be a sign of a deeper personality mismatch, which wasn't evident during the "honeymoon" stage.   Personally, I get a deeper feeling of joy being able to express my bisexual thoughts, desires and fantasies with a special bisexual who can respond back not only excitedly for me, but also knowingly with me.   By living our lives with another who, like ourselves, has a fluid orientation, we are taking an active step in minimizing at least one possible relationship obstacle. __________   The preceding article was intentionally written "duo-centrist" for simplicity. It also needs to be stated that every relationship is unique and generalizations, while potentially helpful, should not be construed as hard-and-fast rules.

ssssssss Straight But Not Narrow ssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss>by K. Patrick Callahan

This column is intended to be a discourse to those of you who are part of the gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender community from a heterosexual man.   An Observation   Early this fall in November, the public voted Tammy Baldwin into the U.S. House of Representatives. Her campaign was simple and straightforward: She would represent her constituents fairly and work hard to enact laws that would treat all people equally (a concept that, although one of the basic principals of the Constitution, has been rarely adhered to).   This campaign promise struck a chord with the voters in her district. Usually, voters are stunned into passive submission by political blowhards who continually and habitually abuse their powers, who say they are for the common man but really are for the special interest groups, those who have deep pockets and can afford to have their way. Voters are tired of hearing politicians spew the same tired rhetoric. They are tired of business as usual. In this race, because the candidate was not from mainstream politics, over 75 percent of the voters registered to vote did indeed vote—they voted Tammy into office.   This alone would be news since less than half of the eligible voters usually vote in elections. Did they vote on the issues? No. Most normal adult persons of voting age do not know the issues. Most are ignorant of what their government does. This is why most of the blowhards can make it into office. They know what sells. They know how to get the vote without really doing anything FOR anybody.   The newspapers revealed the next day the issue that was decided in that election; the new representative was an admitted lesbian. The newspapers focused on that one issue alone. Not on whether she was qualified, and not that she won by a considerable margin. No. She was GAY!! (Omigod!!).   The question, though, is does it matter? I think not.   Why, you may ask. What most people today are interested in is how one appears to others. What do I look like to others? How do I fit in? Am I normal? Do I look OK? We are judged by what we look like when the real substance of who we are is what we do.   The question the newspapers should have asked is can this woman perform the job and represent the people who elected her? Too much time is spent on things that do not matter. Too much time is spent on what we are instead of who we are.   Wake up people. Naptime is over.

To the Editors:   This is in response to K. Patrick Callahan's Fall "Straight but not Narrow" column.   While I agree that it was unfortunate that he was the only heterosexual at the backyard barbecue, placing all of the blame on the LGBT community for not "opening the doors to let the sunshine in" hardly seems justified. Nor should it have prevented him from having a great time. Yes, maybe his friend shouldn't have been so sure that straight people would show up, but it does signify that they were invited.   As for Pridefest, there are so many opportunities for all orientations to intermingle that one has to go out of their way to keep to themselves. Bi Definition gatherings now regularly attract straight friends, straight partners, those questioning their orientation, people who don't like labels, and heterosexual family members. Certainly more could be offered by both straight and queer communities to facilitate understanding, but you can only lead horses to water—you can't make them drink.   I commend Mr. Callahan for his obvious genuine concern. Maybe he can start a group designed solely for the purpose he stated.   sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssTodd sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssMilwaukee

oddsends

A Bit of Bisexual His/Herstory

Nov. 17, 1998 - The Bisexual Resource Center (Boston, MA) receives the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force's Community Service Award. This is the first time a bisexual organization wins this prestigious award. sssss sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss- BiNet USA

fun Fun and Games

The A-MAZE-ing Bi Triangles ssssssssss Wind your way through the intricate pathways of the bisexual triangles. Enter left and exit right. ssssssssss sssss Solutions to Previous Puzzles: sssss “I don’t think there is such a thing as a precise sexual orientation. I think we’re all ambiguous sexually.” sssss sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss - Tennesee Williams ssssssssss “What is new is not bisexuality but rather the widening of our awareness and acceptance of human capacities for sexual love.” sssss sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss - Margaret Mead sssss Corrections sssss We deeply regret the numerous errors made in the Cryptoquotes in issue 11 (Fall 1998). The third, eighth and twelfth words of the first quote should have been “LCVME,” “LCVMS,” and “PZQYRH,” respectively. The third, eighteenth, and twenty-first words of the second quote should have been “UKC,” IGWGILZLKB,” and “SFXK,” respectively. We can only hope that our neglect provided an extra challenge to cryptogram experts.

poetry Poetry

ssssssssss Feast ssssssssss i eat the swing of her curved hips ssssssssss & drink the flat of her stomach ssssssssss ssssssssssssssssssslike a stretched steak ssssssssss her starberries i would ssssssssss sssssssssssssssssssdip in creme & devour ssssssssss & wipe my mouth with her hair ssssssssss tomorow i will feed her my.self ssssssssss ssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssskdm ssssssssss ssssssssss Reality ssssssssss reality is a dense substance ssssssssss cold, hard, immovable ssssssssss but it can be heated, melted ssssssssss then molded and shaped -- ssssssssss it could be beautiful . . . . ssssssssss it depends on the tools used ssssssssss and the artist's touch ssssssssss sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssNikki S. ssssssssss

quotes Quotes

"(I) got along the best with Alex Arquette because (we) were the only 'out bisexuals' on the set."   sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss- Drew Barrymore; ssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssRoundtable interview for "The Wedding Singer"

klein Rate Yourself on the Klein Grid

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