October (Sat. 3 & Tues. 20): "Coming Out Issues" November (Sat. 7& Tues. 17) "Bisexuality and Progressive Principles" December (Sat. 5 & Tues. 15) "Feeling Bi and Beautiful"

Bi Definition meets on the first Saturday and third Tuesday of every month at 7:00 p.m. at the BestD Clinic, 1240 E. Brady St. for discussions about specific topics pertaining to bisexuality.   In step with National Coming Out Day on November 11, Bi Definition folks will gather on Saturday, October 3 and Tuesday, October 20 to help those wishing to be more open and honest about their bisexuality. Being closeted is stressful, hampers self esteem, and allows biprejudice to go unchallenged. The goal of "Coming Out Issues" will be to help and encourage bisexual pride and visibility for those in attendance.   Some ideas and beliefs seem to go hand-in-hand with the Bisexual Movement. "Bisexuality and Progressive Principles" such as feminism, affirmative action, vegetarianism and pro choice will be talked about on both Saturday, November 7 and Tuesday, November 17. None of us are one-dimensional, and these meetings will be a good chance to learn more abut shared interests within the bisexual movement.   Holidays are often a time of challenge to bisexuals. As we visit our parents, siblings and others, we are often confronted with values that seem to invalidate our nature. No matter how "out" we are, we can still find it difficult to feel good about ourselves. What kinds of negative thinking do we fall into, and what are some ways that we can keep a positive attitude during the holidays? "Feeling Bi and Beautiful" will open the discussions on Saturday, December 5, and Tuesday, December 15.   An annual Bi Definition membership, which includes discreet newsletter mailings and free admittance to all bi events at BestD Clinic, is just $15 per year or $5 for a single gathering. In case of extreme financial hardship, an exchange of a service donation can be arranged for attendance.

sssss For information or confirmation on any Bi Definition event listed, contact Steve at bidef@netwurx.net or write: Bi All Means!, P.O. Box 07541, Milwaukee, WI 53207.

September Tues. 15 @ 7:00 P.M.Bi Definition Social/Discussion. Topic: "Bisexual Marriage Issues." BestD Clinic, 1240 E. Brady St. Sun. 20. AIDS Walk Wisconsin. Henry Maier Festival Park. Info: 1-800-348-WALK. Sat. 26. Bi Definition Theatre and Dancing Trip to Chicago.   October Sat. 3 @ 7:00 P.M.Bi Definition Social/Discussion. Topic: "Coming Out as Bisexual." BestD Clinic, 1240 E. Brady. Sun. 4 @ 7:00 P.M. Bi Youth Milwaukee. BestD Clinic, 1240 E. Brady. Sat. 10 @ 7:00 P.M.Gemini Gender Group Meeting. Unitarian Universalist West, Brookfield. Info: (414)297-9328. Sun. 11.National Coming Out Day. Sun. 18 @ 7:00 P.M. Bi Youth Milwaukee. BestD Clinic, 1240 E. Brady. Tues. 20 @ 7:00 P.M. Bi Definition Social/Discussion. Topic: "Coming Out as Bisexual." BestD Clinic, 1240 E. Brady St.   November Sun. 1 @ 7:00 P.M. Bi Youth Milwaukee. BestD Clinic, 1240 E. Brady. Sat. 7 @ 7:00 P.M. Bi Definition Social/Discussion. Topic: "Bisexuality and Progressive Principles." BestD Clinic, 1240 E. Brady. Sat. 14 @ 7:00 P.M. Gemini Gender Group Meeting. Unitarian Universalist West, Brookfield. Info: (414)297-9328. Sun. 15 @ 7:00 P.M. Bi Youth Milwaukee. BestD Clinic, 1240 E. Brady. Tues. 17 @ 7:00 P.M. Bi Definition Social/Discussion. Topic: "Bisexuality and Progressive Principles." BestD Clinic, 1240 E. Brady St.   January Sat. 2 @ 7:00 P.M.Bi Definition 3rd Anniversary Party! BestD Clinic, 1240 E. Brady. Sun. 3 @ 7:00 P.M. Bi Youth Milwaukee. BestD Clinic, 1240 E. Brady.

Dear Sex Kitty,   I'm an incest survivor and I've had some experience with men and women. I am presently dating a bisexual man who has little sexual experience. Sometimes I feel supersexual and other times I'm scared of sex. I don't want to push my partner too fast and I don't want to come across as someone who is always confident about my own sexuality. Any thoughts? sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssSigned, sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssSouthsider   Dear Southsider,   Since you feel supersexual and scared of sex at times-which is very normal for incest survivors-I imagine that your partner might be a bit confused. Once again, dearest, communication is the key. The only way for him to know your thoughts is for you to speak them.   __________   Dear Sex Kitty,   I am a female bisexual, and my male partner has been concerned that I am going to suddenly "discover" that I am really a lesbian. He points to the fact that I do not like the taste or texture of cum as proof of this eventuality. If I don't like cum, does that mean I'm really a lesbian? sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssSigned, sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssFlavored Condom Fan   Dear Flavored Condom Fan,   Okay...if you don't like veal, does that make you a vegetarian? If I don't like anal sex, does that make me hetero? Obviously, I'm a little lost on your partner's logic. Oral sex is just one facet of, in this case, heterosexual sex. Disliking cum does not a lesbian make (but liking cum definitely helps if you are aspiring to be the President's mistress)! No sex act will confirm or deny your lesbianism. Only you, in your heart of hearts, knows this one. The more important issue here is your partner's obvious lack of trust in your relationship. You could easily "discover" another man. If this is the person that you want to be with right now, you can assure him of your desire for this relationship. But my guess is that this will not calm his fears. He must figure out what he needs from you to feel secure with the relationship. If, on the other hand, you wish to have many partners or explore women exclusively, this is not the man for you.   __________   Dear Sex Kitty,   My feline companions have become accustomed to sleeping in my bed with me. They've recently been displaced by my new boyfriend. He's a wonderful step-parent, but would just as soon not have his sleep (or other nocturnal activities) interrupted by curious intruders. What to do? sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssSigned, sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssChanging Bedfellows   Dear Changing Bedfellows,   Meow! My feline friends are not happy! But are you? If you like a warm human body in your bed rather than the kitties, you may have to sacrifice. Although, sometimes animals know if a person is good for you more than you do. Alas, marriages have been broken over this very issue. If it comes down to him or the cats, who will you pick?   __________

Lots of people showed up at our scrapbook making party. People enjoyed meeting one another, eating pizza and compiling a very colorful and creative timeline of Bi Definition's history.   Our rummage sale fundraiser brought in $326.70. This alone will almost pay the cost of printing a quarterly issue of Bi All Means! Thanks so much to Christopher for hosting and organizing this event, as well as to all those members who donated items, cashiered or shopped at the sale.   We're very excited for Basia Rompa, our youth organizer, who moved to Washington, D.C. to start an internship. Kevin Glass, her partner, Bi Definition member and writer, moved with her. We'll miss their friendship as well as their submissions to BAM. Great luck in D.C., you two! Thanks to Frank Thoms, bisexual and questioning youth won't be left without a place to call home. He has stepped in to create Bi Youth Milwaukee, a youth drop-in group. Both the MAGIC Picnic in Madison and Pridefest saw beautiful weather attract record numbers of people. Sunday's Pridefest parade was especially memorable-this year's marchers chanted ad lib bi-positive phrases and held signs dispelling stereotypes.   And finally, Bi Definition member Nikki Schlaishunt has become quite the bisexual activist. Delivering newsletters, writing and doing data input for BAM, and taking care of treasury for Bi Definition are only a few of the tasks she has taken on. She is also a member of the BECAUSE planning committee, and has recently been accepted to the board of the Human Rights League-Milwaukee and has initiated social gatherings. You GO, bi girl!   Bi for now, Steve and Carol

The type of bisexual support system I find meaningful is one that is inclusive to other orientations-not a bi-only group. I also like groups that have something interesting to talk about and have comfortable environments in which I can be myself.   sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssCrystal Klinger sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssMilwaukee   Bi Definition discussion groups are excellent. It's both fun and mentally stimulating to talk with others about the various topics. The internet can provide support of a larger number of people but of a distinctly different quality.   sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssJohn sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssMilwaukee   To me, what matters is being around people who understand and accept that different is not wrong. I prefer groups that celebrate the fact that each person is unique. I don't look for "bisexual" support; I look for friends who like the real me, people who don't want me to pretend to be someone I'm not. And when people feel free to be truly themselves, to be different, and to disagree in friendly ways, really neat things happen.   sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssDandelion sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssMilwaukee   Groups like BiDefinition and Bi?Shy?Why? are very helpful because they are groups of people with a common vision. There is freedom to talk about or express any feelings for any gender. When I feel safer to express myself within these groups, I feel much braver to express my bisexual nature anywhere else.   I also find it extremely affirming to hear Bi and Trans included when the queer community is referred to by the queer or the straight community. The founders and facilitators of these groups have worked hard to make them available and to get the inclusivity and recognition that we now enjoy.   sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssJoanne sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssMilwaukee

Some years ago after I was married, I kissed another man. I enjoyed it. I wanted it. But all I did was kiss and hold him. No hand wandering, no body motion. All clothes were on. And yet, years later, mentioning his name still brings pain to my spouse.   Of course this just pisses me off. Partly because it evokes guilty feelings. But mostly because it feels wrong. A deep down, gut feeling wrong. And I'm up against all of society on this. I know the rules--one at a time, and only with the one you're married to. For females, preferably only one for life.   Robert Heinlein wrote, "The more you love, the more you can love. And the more intensely you love." Great, as long as it's platonic. But don't get me wrong--the sex restriction isn't what really galls me. I'm not interested in sex just for sex's sake, and my sex drive is not all that high. What really galls me is the root of this restriction.   The root is possession. I belong to someone (a man). Yes, yes, he belongs to me, too--but I don't like the reverse any better. In fact, the reverse also pisses me off. The whole thing smacks of untruth through and through.   I belong to no one. I don't even belong to myself. I am sky. I am earth. I am sea and seafoam. I am starlight and sun heat. I am beginning. I am end. How can these things be possessions? We can experience them. We can become them. We can share them. But we cannot own them. I am not a possession and I resent the implication.   But, this world is nothing but implications of possession. Or outright statement. Shouting, really. In this world, I am a wife (read "possession"). I am a worker (same). I am a keeper of possessions. As a wife, I get to keep and control possessions that my husband (read "owner") brings home. Sound harsh? Well, it is. But, when you boil away all the frills and fleshy parts, these are the bones that remain; these are the foundations that we build upon.   Sex is a possession in this world. I keep my sex in a box by the bed. I only take it out for my husband, although he has given me permission to take it out for myself (as long as I am alone). He, too, keeps his sex in a box, by the bed, although sometimes he carries it around with him. He tries to give it to me, like one would give a toaster or a bouquet of flowers. "Here is a gift for you. Just for you. No one else." But you can't give sex. You can only share it.   Like dancing. You can't give dancing. You share dancing. Even when one leads and the other follows-one leads with the music, the other follows with the music. You dance WITH each other. The emphasis (in case I haven't been clear enough) is on the "with." If you emphasize leading or you emphasize following, then you've lost what is real. You've lost what is precious. You've lost a chance to Be. Together.   It wouldn't occur to my husband that he thinks of me as a possession. But he does. We all do. We're trained to think in terms of owned and owner. What scares him about the possibility of me having an affair? He might "lose" me. Someone else will "have" me.   But how can you lose the sun? How can you lose your soul or the earth? You cannot own love, and you cannot lose love.   So, if I love my spouse, and I love my mother, and I love my best friend and so on-then I love them all. I do not have to take some of my love for my mom and transfer it to my spouse. Love is not money or the stock market. Love is infinite.   You cannot take hold of my love and point to it and say, "This is Nikki's love for me. This is my possession. Hands off." There is nothing to hold on to. Nothing tangible. And when you stop and try to hold it in your hands, it slips through your fingers like the wind.   But, if you open yourself up emotionally, spiritually, physically-open your arms to the wind, turn your face to the sun, wriggle your toes in the sand-then you will be with love. You will become love. And no one can take that away from you. Because it is not a possession.   Paradox. Catch 22. Conflict. Contradiction.   Yes.   Don't fight it. Relax into it and you will become more than all the possessions in the world could ever be.

Bi Choice?   Along the gay and lesbian activist party line, one usually hears "We're born this way," in response to homoprejudiced voices stating that there are only homosexual acts, and those are choices that people make.   I believe that this is a very poor response from our homosexual brothers and sisters. If science ever proves that there is no "gay gene," that would mean same-gender sexuality is a learned behavior and then we wouldn't even have the despised pity on our side. And if it were proven that genetics is involved, you can be assured that the extreme right wing would have people working day and night trying to find a "cure." Either way, the "born gay" defense should not be the preferred shield against attack. A better alternative, I submit, would be to say something like, "Even if it is a choice, what a wonderful choice it is-as long as it's consensual, it's nobody else's business." This argument would stand the test of whatever science's eventual outcome on this matter might be.   One might think it would be obvious, but rarely is the bisexual component brought up regarding this issue. As long as gay men and lesbians put all of their eggs in the genetics basket, bringing up the "B" word probably wouldn't fit well into their equation, especially considering the ignorance surrounding bisexuality by the majority of monosexuals.   But the question of "choice" is a good one: If bisexual people have the capability to be with someone regardless or because of gender, when, if ever, is it a choice? An even better thought when choice is involved might be that most, if not all, people are first born bisexual. Only then, due to societal reasons, do these people choose to "be" either gay or straight. In doing so, they ignore a vital part of their potential.   Do self-identified bisexuals choose which gender to date and love, or does it somehow just manifest itself without conscious thought? My short, simplistic answer is, "Who cares?" If it is a choice, I have the right as an adult to choose what I want for my life. I might even want to end it with, "By the way, leave me the f*ck alone!"   The truth, as learned by talking with many bisexuals and reading numerous books and studies about bisexual people, is that whether or not a person feels that s/he was born with dual attractions, some bi's date people because of gender and some regardless of it. And some bisexuals switch between consciously preferring one gender or another, and loving someone because of who they are as a person without thought towards gender.   The bottom line is that if a person is happy and lovemaking is consensual among adults, it just shouldn't matter if sexual orientation is a matter of choice or genetics.   straight

A few weeks ago, I was invited to an outdoor backyard barbeque. The friend who invited me told me that there would be persons from the gay, lesbian and bi community but that there would also be persons from the straight community as well.   This, unfortunately, did not happen. I say unfortunately because I feel this would have been a good opportunity for those who are straight and narrow-minded to meet gay, lesbian and bi persons and get a better understanding of what it means to be gay, lesbian or bisexual.   My friend and I talked about this on the phone later. I mentioned that although there are events like Pridefest and its parade, such events do not really get people to intermingle and to allow those in the straight community to experience the truth: that gay, lesbian, bisexual persons are just like everybody else. They work, play, laugh etc. too.   I suggested to my friend that more effort be made in the gay, lesbian, and bisexual community to open the doors to those who are homo-, bi- and transphobic or those who think they know the Bible and quote the evils of non-heterosexual relationships.   So, think about it. The world is a big place with room for all types of people. Let's open up the doors and let some sunlight in.

A number of years ago, when I took baby steps into the LGBT community at my first Pridefest, I knew almost no one in the community (other than "ex's") whom I would have even considered an acquaintance.   My, how things have changed!   Due in large part to participation by members of Bi Definition, I now know not only a lot of other bisexual and transgendered people with whom I can share similar ideology, but during the Sunday drag show at Pridefest, it finally became obvious to me that I now have very dear friends in the bi/trans community. Being generally a private person personally, this is no small thing to me.   Some of my friends had left after a long day of marching, shopping and partying, but others stayed for a wildly entertaining B. J. Daniels Revue. I would especially like to thank those who, just by being themselves, helped me to have an absolutely fantastic time at the show: Thank you, Nikki, for stimulating me intellectually and for your kindness and insightfulness. Thanks, Sandy, for your soft, genuine voice and fun-spiritedness. Thank you, Joanne, for taking on challenges in your life and for your incredible compassion. And thanks, Brenda, for your wonderful warmth and allowing the tears of joy to flow.   There was a time when I didn't know what a bisexual community could offer me. Now I do. I truly feel that I am involved in a community of beautiful friends--not just members of an organization--who are very real, and who are definitely an important part of my life. My life is changing for the better because of these people. I hope that I might give as much to you, my friends, as you have given to me.   Thank you to all my friends at Bi Definition,   Steve Butler

1988 - Members of the Philadelphia-based group, Bi Unity (f. 1987) successfully lobby the Philadelphia Mayor's Commission on Sexual Minorities to form a work group on bisexual issues. sssss - BiNet USA

Cryptoquotes: ssssssssss The following quotes are written in code. Each letter stands for another letter of the alphabet. For example, if A stood for D, X for O and R for G, "AXR" would spell "DOG." The code changes for each quote. ssssssssss ssssssssss Solution to last issue's (Summer '98) crossword puzzle:

ssssssssss The Big Black Hole Manifesto ssssssssss The woman stood up and she threw down her towel "Enough," she declared, "I can't take anymore!" ssssssssss "You want me to love you and take care of things That you'd rather not touch like feelings and dreams And yet when I do, you have nothing to say Except ridicule, scorn, contempt and complaints ssssssssss You label me shrew, clinging she-devil, bitch You say that I nag and pester and twist Your actions into something that you never meant But you don't explain your silent intent ssssssssss You leave me the job of your excavation But resent me at once for my evocation And yet if I back off and just let it be You never come back, all the while blaming me ssssssssss I am damned if I do and damned if I don't I can't take anymore, I tell you I won't I am washing my hands of the nurturer role Of relationships, talking, of feelings and lulls ssssssssss I am letting it go, the responsibility Of dragging your feelings out unwillingly If you have something to say, it is all up to you I will no longer beg you to tell me your truth ssssssssss As for the guilt of wondering what you are thinking I am letting it go, I am no longer seeking You share willingly, fifty-fifty, half of all Or you keep to your silence and share nothing at all ssssssssss The choice is all yours, to play or to pass And my choices are mine, we each have our chance To say what we feel, to grow closer in depth Or let it silently unweave, fade away, let it rest." ssssssssss And with that she opened her hands to let go Of the feelings that she could not control She set her feet firmly upon her own road Kept hold of her feelings, her dreams and her goals She'd find her own way to others who cared To meet her halfway and who would willingly share. ssssssssss Nikki Schlaishunt ssssssssss ssssssssss Creation ssssssssss My lover paints walls in faded jeans that casually cover his long, tight legs. ssssss I imagine his T-shirt pressed beneath the back pockets and watch as it shifts over the hard stretch of his back. ssssssssss It reaches around, brushing bristling chest and freeing arms whose fibers strain to change the color of those walls from grey to a rainbow display. ssssssssss Later, we both paint, spreading sweat on skin, as we apply the next coat to the boundaries of our time together. ssssssssss H.S. ssssssssss ssssssssss Springlicious ssssssssss her skirt was deliciously short the brown stalks of her legs flashing underneath i harden like a pearl trapped under a film of skin like the dewy ball of her blue eye ssssssssss kdm ssssssssss

"I have to be honest. There are songs about a heterosexual relationship this year because that's what I was kind of doing. Next year-or next album-if I happen to be in a relationship with a woman, it would be about that."   sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss Singer/songwriter Jill "I Kissed a Girl" Sobule, ssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssabout her new CD, Happy Town, from Atlantic Records     "One day, Alice came to a fork in the road and saw a Cheshire cat in a tree. 'Which road do I take?' she asked. His response was a question: 'Where do you want to go?'   "'I don't know,' Alice answered. 'Then,' said the cat, 'It doesn't matter.'"   ssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssLewis Carroll ssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssAlice in Wonderland kinsey

Rate Yourself on the Kinsey Scale sssss Developed by sexologist Alfred Kinsey in the late 1940's to show the continuum of sexual behavior in human beings.

0 - Exclusively heterosexual behavior 1 - Predominately heterosexual with minor homosexual behavior 2 - Predominately heterosexual with moderate homosexual behavior 3 - Equally heterosexual and homosexual behavior 4 - Predominately homosexual with moderate heterosexual behavior 5 - Predominately homosexual with minor heterosexual behavior 6 - Exclusively homosexual behavior

It should be emphasized that this is a rating of sexual behavior only and a possible indicator of sexual orientation, which may vary over a lifetime. Other elements, including romantic and emotional feelings, fantasies and philosophical ideas can play into an individual's self-identity. sssss See more issues of Bi All Means! sssss sssss Back home to Bi Definition. sssss sssss sssss