O
Written by Ghostwriter
Rated: ADULT
Characters: Janeway, Chakotay
October 1999

Disclaimer: Paramount owns all things Voyager. I'm just borrowing for a bit.

WARNING: There's no sex, but this story does contain mature subjects. If you are under the legal age of majority in your area or are offended by such, please read no further.

Notes: The book mentioned in this story came from my own twisted imagination and should not be confused with the erotic novel that shares a similar title.

This one is all for Gilly, my mentor, my friend, and the person responsible for inspiring me to share my stories with everyone:)

~ * ~ * ~
Chakotay was beginning to worry. He'd already pressed the door chime to Captain Kathryn Janeway's quarters twice and gotten no response. He was just about to ask the computer for her whereabouts when the door finally opened, allowing him entry.

Stepping inside, he was immediately overwhelmed by the scent of vanilla incense. He took a deep breath, enjoying the rare aroma before catching sight of his commanding officer exiting her bedroom area. Chakotay noticed instantly that she seemed slightly nervous. Her movements were uncharacteristically quick as she placed a book she'd been carrying on a nearby counter and approached him, a surprised smile on her face.

"Chakotay?!" She also sounded a bit out of breath. "What can I do for you?" As she drew closer, he saw that she was flushed a startlingly deep shade of crimson...all the way down past the neckline of the white, full-length terry-cloth bathrobe she was wearing. He almost chuckled.

Almost...Then his powers of observation kicked into high gear, assimilating all that he'd seen so far with other things he was just beginning to notice. Janeway's hair was a bit messed, short strands of golden brown defying their normal 'locked in place', on-duty look. Her arms were crossed, hugging herself in an almost self-conscious gesture - certainly a far cry from her usual pose of authority. Her eyes looked a bit glassy and much darker than their normal, brilliant blue. Behind her, the unmistakable flicker of candlelight cast a warm glow around what he could see of her bedroom.

Chakotay cursed himself inwardly; he'd obviously interrupted a private moment. A small surge of jealously reared its ugly head deep inside him, and he instantly fought the reaction. She may be the captain of a Federation starship, but she was also a human being. She had needs just like everyone else on board, and the fact that she had chosen to reach out to someone else to help fulfill those needs was absolutely none of his business.

A small part of him couldn't help but wonder who had captured her affection. The names of unattached crew members appeared in his mind...or had she chosen the company of a hologram? Chakotay wasn't certain she if had holo-emitters installed in her quarters, but it certainly wasn't an impossibility. Or had Q somehow managed to seduce her, citing the loneliness of command and offering her experiences that no human had ever been privileged to enjoy?

With another deep breath, he tried purging the speculation from his thoughts. It was wrong of him to think these things; she was his commanding officer, and she deserved his respect above all else. Janeway was staring at him, waiting expectantly for an answer. He smiled, hoping he hadn't allowed his face to betray what he'd been thinking.

"I was looking for the proposal B'Elanna submitted for the Engineering modifications; you wanted me to go over it and give you my opinion," he began, keeping his voice warm and professional. "When I couldn't find it, I thought perhaps you'd taken it with you by mistake."

Janeway's face relaxed noticeably. "Oh...right. I probably did." She moved past him toward the sofa, the same quickness to her step. It was readily apparent she was eager to be left alone again...or alone with whomever she was sharing her evening.

As she began digging through the pile of PADDs on the coffee table, Chakotay risked another look toward her bedroom. Whoever was in there was being extremely quiet...hiding just out of view, no doubt. Curiosity forced him to move a bit closer toward the intimate haven, strolling slowly and casually...hoping for just a glance at the person in question...

He had no such luck. Not enough of the room was visible from his angle, and if he moved any closer, his actions would definitely look suspicious. Taking another deep breath of the sweet smelling air, Chakotay resigned himself to looking around the main room. It was probably best if he didn't know the details anyway. Under normal circumstances, he wouldn't have considered invading someone else's privacy even as little as he had already, but where Kathryn Janeway was concerned, Chakotay was extremely protective. As an officer, he'd vowed to stand by her side and follow her lead on this long journey home. As a man, he'd vowed to keep her out of harm's way...to carry some of her burden on his own shoulders so that she wouldn't become so overwhelmed with the responsibility of their situation. He'd offered her more at one point, the chance to join hands and hearts...to ease the loneliness with heartfelt commitment and love. She'd gently refused. He'd never questioned that decision, and he never would. Even now, he'd accepted that their paths were destined to remain side by side instead of intersecting at some point. If she had, indeed, chosen to take a lover, he would respect and support that.

Chakotay's eyes fell across the book Janeway had been carrying with her when she'd greeted him. It was laying face-down on the counter next to him. Reaching out, he picked it up, intending to use it to make idle conversation until he could respectfully retreat from her quarters. As he turned it over though, all thoughts of an 'idle' conversation fled his mind at warp speed. The cover was made of dark leather with ornate decorations carved into its surface. A large letter 'O' had been woven intricately into the cover design, lending an air of mystery to its contents. There was only one problem; Chakotay had seen a copy of this book once before - on Risa.

Without conscious thought, the first officer opened the cover, his dark eyes scanning the first page in an effort to confirm his suspicion. The words on the title page made his heart pound faster:

  ~*~*  O  *~*~  

'An exploration of life's greatest
gift...giving pleasure to yourself.
Your body is a sacred temple, and
each orgasm you experience is
an affirmation of the love you
have for yourself...'

All the candlelight and incense was for an evening of making love with herself! A warm feeling of amusement and delight spread through Chakotay as he closed the book and set it back on the counter as soundlessly as possible...

But he was too late.  

He sensed her embarrassment even before he turned to face her. She was still standing by the coffee table, the missing PADD held protectively against her chest. Her face was even more flushed than it had been before, humiliation clearly written in her eyes. It hadn't occurred to Chakotay until that moment just how much Voyager's captain had needed to remain larger than life in the eyes of her crew. She probably would have preferred to be physically tortured by some brutal race rather than to allow one of her officers to see that she was as vulnerable to human nature as anyone else.

Gazing deeply into her eyes, Chakotay decided he needed to ease the tension...and quickly; she looked absolutely paralyzed in her embarrassment.

"You're missing something," he smiled softly.

Janeway swallowed audibly, unable to look away from her first officer.  "What?" she asked, her voice cracking.

"Music," he continued, indicating the ceiling. "The candles and incense are wonderful, but I like to have music playing softly too. It adds to the ambiance and makes it easier to relax and enjoy the moment."

The look on her face changed instantly from one of humiliation to one of utter disbelief. Chakotay couldn't help himself; he started laughing. It took a few moments, but a smile eventually crept across her face too, a chuckle beginning not long after that. It was at least a minute before both of them caught their breath again.

"Well," Janeway began, running a hand across her forehead, "the last thing I expected to be doing this evening was holding a conversation about the perfect atmosphere for masturbation...with my first officer, no less."

"There's nothing to be ashamed of, Kathryn."

"I know..." she admitted hesitantly, moving slowly to where he stood. She handed him the PADD he'd been looking for and then turned to gaze at the book. "This is the only sex life Starfleet protocol allows me at this time."

"Being alone isn't easy," Chakotay offered softly, "but at least you're still allowing yourself the simple pleasures. Staying in touch with your body will help keep your spirit healthy and strong."

She found herself blushing once more at his words. A soft chuckle escaped her throat as she looked up at him. "Yes, but I feel like a mother trying to find time and privacy for lovemaking with her children waiting just outside the door."

"Please forgive my intrusion," Chakotay apologized. "I'd hoped to avoid having to face you tomorrow without an analysis prepared."

"Oh, it's not that, Chakotay," she explained, reaching out to touch his arm reassuringly. "You had a legitimate excuse for coming here tonight. Most of the reasons I'm called on during off-duty hours are legitimate, in fact. It just seems like every time I set aside a few hours for...me, myself, and I..." she hinted with a lop-sided grin, "I get interrupted."

He smiled sympathetically. "You know, Kathryn, just because you're the captain doesn't mean you're required to be on call during off-duty hours. There's no reason why we can't share that responsibility. We could set up a rotating schedule, letting the bridge shifts and the computer know whose night it is to handle any inquiries or situations that come up. That way each of us would know when we have nights completely to ourselves, barring any full red-alert emergencies, of course."

"That's a good suggestion," she smiled. The silence between them grew awkward after a few moments, causing both to break eye contact.

"Well," Chakotay began, absently reaching up to rub the back of his neck. "I'll leave you three alone, then."

Janeway looked back at him, a puzzled expression on her face. It took a few seconds for his joke to register, causing them both to laugh once more.

"Computer," he called, still chuckling. "Transfer any calls directed to Captain Janeway through to my combadge until the beginning of Alpha shift tomorrow morning, authorization Chakotay Omega One."

"Acknowledged," the computer responded instantly.

Janeway's voice was soft as she spoke. "Thank you."

"Enjoy your evening. I've heard chapter three is very interesting," he finished, nodding toward the leather-bound Risan manual.

She grinned, picking the book up. "I can see I'll have to loan this to you at some point, Chakotay. It's definitely chapter seven you're referring to."

"Ah," he conceded. "I may take you up on that."

They both grinned wickedly at each other as Chakotay turned to leave.  "Good night, Kathryn."

"Good night, Chakotay." She watched him disappear into the corridor before training her eyes back on the book in her hands. How many captains could claim they had a conversation like that with their first officers? The thought made her chuckle once more as she traced the designs on the leather cover with one finger.

"Computer," she called softly. "Access musical database."

"Please state parameters."

"Enya...keep the volume set at two."

The computer acknowledged with its customary chime. Janeway closed her eyes as the first chords of the beautiful music floated through her quarters. He was right...it definitely did add to the ambiance. Taking a deep breath, she smiled gently and turned toward her bedroom, the warm glow of the candles wrapping her in their seductive embrace.

~ * ~ finis ~ * ~

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