Our Gentle Heart
Written by Ghostwriter
Rating: ADULT
Characters: Janeway/Chakotay
October 1998


Disclaimer: Paramount owns all things Voyager. I'm just borrowing. No copyright infringement is intended.

Author's Note: This story is a sequel to one called "Gentleness," written by Suz. In order to fully understand the complete storyline, it's best if you read hers first.

WARNING: I've rated this story contains adult situations, although there is really nothing graphic. If you are under the legal age of majority for your area or are offended by such, please read no further. Whoops! Take me to the Non-Adult version!

~ * ~ * ~

The cool breeze blew her hair gently as she walked. The fields were beautiful this time of year, a carpet of wildflowers decorating the countryside. She meandered silently through the ripples of color, the tall flowers reaching nearly to her waist. With almost childlike pleasure, she allowed the tips of her fingers to lightly caress the tops of the silken petals as she went. She'd been walking for several hours now, just thinking, wondering...mourning.

She stopped amid a patch of pale yellow flowers, her legs refusing to go any further. She was tired. Slowly, she sat down, the blanket of color enveloping her in its embrace. Without conscious thought, she began pulling spears of grass from the ground. It all seemed so surreal. She'd lost so much in her life, so many people who were dear to her. But, this was almost too much. Paying final respects to Mark hadn't been that difficult for her - not now. She was already numb from burying Chakotay one week earlier. Two friends gone forever. So many things that could have been, but never were; so much left unsaid...

The drone of a bumble bee caught her attention as it flew by. She watched with detached fascination as it moved from one flower to the next, large bundles of pollen securely held in its hind legs. What a magnificently simple life this creature led, knowing its purpose and fulfilling its duty without hesitation. Death was an irrelevant concern. At that moment, Kathryn Janeway envied such an existence, wished for it, in fact.

All around her, rays of sunlight pierced through the dark rain clouds that encompassed the horizon. It was a breathtaking sight. She smiled sadly, still able to appreciate nature's splendor even in the midst of her own grief. Life always moved forward, recovering from tragedies and obstacles far greater than her own. In a universe filled with infinite possibilities and ever changing variables, that was the one true constant.

Taking a deep breath, she lowered herself until she lay curled up among the foliage, her head resting on the pillow of grass she'd pulled. The flowers above her moved in a graceful, hypnotic dance that relaxed her. Within seconds her eyes had closed, a sense of peace permeating her spirit. She dreamed of stars...and then nothing at all.

~ * ~ * ~

A gentle stirring interrupted the void that surrounded her, a faint shade of gray penetrating the murky blackness. She felt as though she were floating somewhere, her awareness returning very slowly. A delicious sensation was tickling the edge of her reality, captivating her as she ascended the layers of unconsciousness. She reached forward, embracing the warm feeling that now surrounded her. The beat of her heart echoed softly in the distance, growing louder as the moments passed.

As she began to navigate the last fuzzy layers before waking completely, all of her senses suddenly came alive. She heard herself draw a sharp breath as consciousness welcomed her with an unexpected feeling of pleasure. As the sensations stretched and deepened, she felt her body responding, instinctively moving toward the source of the pleasure. Soft sounds reached her ears through the pounding of her heartbeat, and it took her a few moments to realize that she was the one making them.

All thoughts disappeared then as the feelings overwhelmed her, the powerful waves of pleasure rippling through her entire body. A startled cry escaped her throat, her back arching off the soft surface that she was laying on as her body rolled gently with the sensations. They seemed to last an eternity, filling her spirit with absolute joy.

As her body settled slowly from its release, awareness finally returned once again. The sound of her ragged breathing brought her fully awake, and for the first time, she ventured to open her eyes. When she did, the sight she saw left her stunned beyond words. A man's smiling face hovered inches above her own, dark eyes bright with affection as he gazed at her. That's when she felt him, his fingers still stroking her warm, sensitive flesh, inviting the pleasure to return once more.

"Good morning, love," he whispered. Janeway felt tears gathering in her eyes as she stared at him in disbelief. All at once, she became aware of their surroundings. They were in a bedroom; they were in her bedroom...on board Voyager. All the familiar sights, sounds, and even smells, assaulted her as she looked around wildly. The lights were dimmed accordingly, but she could still make out his face as he watched her with an amused expression.

"You mentioned the computer's wake-up was starting to annoy you," he continued softly, "so, I decided to try a different approach."

"Chakotay!" Janeway whispered, her voice choked with emotion. His fingers stopped their intimate caress then, a worried look crossing his features.

"Kathryn?"

"This can't be!" she cried softly, her voice trembling. Carefully, she pulled herself from his touch, his fingers sliding reluctantly from her wetness. He watched as Janeway scrambled from under the covers, grabbing hurriedly for her robe. Once off the bed, she headed quickly out of the bedroom with Chakotay not far behind.

"Kathryn!" he called anxiously, his concern more than evident. He followed her into the main room where she stopped in front of the view port, both of her hands covering her face as she leaned against its clear surface. "Kathryn?" he whispered, placing his hands gently on her shoulders. She flinched at his touch. He heard her take a long, shuddering breath before she finally turned to face him, tears streaming down her face.

"You're gone! Mark is gone..." she whispered breathlessly.

"Kathryn, what are you talking about?"

"The shuttle accident...Starbase Nine...no survivors! I went home alone...Mark's funeral..." She was nearly incoherent as she spoke, her voice heavy with emotion. His heart ached as he listened.

"Shhhhh, Kathryn," he comforted softly, wiping the tears from her face. She was shaking her head forcefully, trying to push his hands away.

"No, no...you're gone! Both of you...I've never felt so alone in my entire life!" she finished with a passionate whisper, closing her eyes tight as a new wave of tears sprang forth.

"My trip to Starbase Nine was last week," Chakotay began calmly, trying to get her to look at him. "The shuttle arrived back just fine."

"Chakotay!" she whispered.

"It was a bad dream," he offered softly, brushing the hair back from her face. She stilled for a few moments, trying to catch her breath.

"It was too real..."

"You've had a lot to worry about lately - Voyager's return, the debriefings, and then Mark's sudden illness..."

"Chakotay, I don't remember us..." she began, but he stopped her with a gentle finger on her lips.

"I love you, Kathryn," he whispered, gathering her into a warm hug. She didn't resist his touch. She couldn't. Leaning into his embrace, she took a deep breath, trying desperately to still her trembling form. The clean, spicy scent of him enveloped her, calming her weary spirit. She closed her eyes. Almost immediately, the helplessness she'd felt began to subside. His hands stroked her back affectionately, rubbing away all the fear and sadness. "Everything is all right, Kathryn," he whispered against her hair.

Silent tears began to fall once more as half-recognized memories surfaced inside her. As if through a fuzzy haze, faraway images formed, offering silent testimony to his words. The first glimpse of Earth from the bridge view screen, the enjoyment of the crew during Voyager's return celebration, meeting Chakotay at Starfleet Headquarters when his shuttle arrived last week, endless nights spent in passionate lovemaking...

After a few minutes, Janeway slowly opened her eyes. She still held Chakotay tightly, the feel of his muscles just underneath her fingertips. She began tracing the contours of his back slowly, as if touching him for the very first time. More memories played themselves out in her mind. He'd come after her without any clothes on, a fact which was painfully obvious with his growing arousal pressing firmly into her stomach. She took another deep breath before loosening her hold and stepping back, allowing her eyes to run up the length of his magnificent form. Her own body responded to the sight of him, muscles fluttering from remembered passion. The memories were returning with powerful clarity now, causing an adrenaline rush through her system. When her eyes met his again, the spark of desire was clearly visible between them.

"Chakotay," Janeway began. "I'm sorry...I've never experienced a dream like this before. It was so real."

"There's no need to apologize, Kathryn. It's been a tough twenty-four hours. I'm just glad I could be there for you."

A picture suddenly sprang into her mind: Chakotay standing beside her while she said good-bye to her friend. She'd placed a daffodil on Mark's grave while the rain fell silently around them. They'd walked away hand in hand then, through the fields of color as bright rays of sunlight pierced through the dark clouds to mark their path. Life had moved on, as it always did.

"I love you so much," she whispered, tears threatening to spill once more. "I didn't know whether I'd ever get the chance to tell you..."

"You have no idea how much it means to me each time you say that," he smiled, reaching for her hand. "I love you, too, Kathryn."

Stepping forward, he placed her hand above his heart in a gesture familiar to both of them. Reaching inside the top of her robe, he slid his other hand to rest above her own heart, relishing in the feel of her pulse beneath him. Two hearts, one heartbeat. She smiled up at him, the depth of his love nearly taking her breath away. He started to step away then, pulling her with him. Her limbs trembled in anticipation as he turned and silently led her back to the bedroom.

~ * ~ * ~

"Q!" The piercing sound of his mate's voice startled Q from his spot just outside the view port of the captain's quarters.

"Must you sneak up on me like that, Q?" Q demanded, his eyes wild with anger.

"What, exactly, are you doing?" the omnipotent woman spat back.

"Observing!"

"Do you have any idea how much trouble you'll be in for this?"

"Oh, pish. Like I'm scared of the big, bad Continuum," Q snapped, turning his head back to the lovers inside as they began to move together joyously.

"Kathryn Janeway died in that field of flowers."

"In another universe," he clarified.

"So, what is her consciousness doing here in this universe?"

"Blending quite nicely with Chuckles, I'd say."

"Q!"

"Oh, all right!!," he spat, turning away from the passionate scene. "I simply merged her consciousness with the Janeway from this universe, okay?"

The female Q studied her mate suspiciously, watching as he focused his eyes everywhere except on her. "You're not feeling pity, are you, Q?" she asked.

Q stiffened angrily at her words. "Of course not! I'm Q!"

"Then, why?"

"It was getting far too boring around here," Q offered, waving his hand in a gesture of disgust.

"The Continuum is going to be extremely angry."

"I certainly hope so," he finished with a wicked smile. His mate glared at him angrily, but his smile never wavered. "It might even be fun..." He wiggled his eyebrows dangerously.

After a few seconds of calculated silence, the omnipotent woman allowed a wicked smile of her own to form. "Let's find out, shall we?" she asked, grabbing Q by the hand just before snapping her fingers. The shocked look on his face as they disappeared was worth a thousand words in as many different languages...within every possible universe...

~ * ~ finis ~ * ~

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