Answers to the most frequently asked questions regarding Bisexuality
Q: What is bisexuality?
A: Bisexuality is the potential for
physical, romantic or emotional attractions to more than one gender.
A bisexual person may not be equally attracted to men and women, and the
degree may vary over a lifetime.
Q: How do I know if I am bisexual?
A: There is no test or criteria
to determine whether one is bisexual or not. Self-perception is the
key to a bisexual identity. Research has indicated that approximately
40% of all people have been sexual with more than one gender, while many
more recognize this potential within them.
Q: Do bisexuals have to be with both a man and a woman at the same time in order to be satisfied?
A: No. Some may be monogamous, some may pursue serial monogamy or polyamory ("many loves"), and some may not be involved in a relationship at all. Orientation is not dependant on the presence of a partner, relationship wants and needs are not dependent on sexual orientation.
Q: Isn't bisexuality a phase or transition?
I know of gay men and lesbians who said they were bi when
they first "came out."
A: While identifying as bisexual
might be a phase or a transition for some people, this does not mean that
other people are not or can not be genuinely attracted to both men and
women. Sometimes people who initially identify as gay or lesbian
later change to identifying as bisexual.
Q: Aren't bisexuals just confused? Don't they just need to make up their minds about whether they are gay or straight?
A: It is well recognized in psychological
circles that bisexuality is a genuine orientation in-and-of itself. Our
society sets up everything in terms of "either/or" scenarios, so bisexuals
are often thought to be confused because others don't understand dual ("both/and")
attractions.
Q: I've heard that bi's are really just kinky straight people.
A: Sexual orientation does not
dictate sex likes and dislikes, just as the type of sex activities a person
enjoys does not dictate their sexual orientation.
Q: Don't people call themselves bi because they are afraid of the gay or lesbian label?
A: Mainstream society often makes no distinction
between lesbian, gay, bi and transgender people, and lumps all into one
large "queer" category, so trying to gain larger acceptance with a bi label
is not, in reality, very effective. Also, identifying as bi can be
controversial in gay and lesbian circles, rather than an asset. People
who identify as bisexual are being honest in refusing to bow to pressure
to identify as either straight or gay.
Q: Aren't bisexuals hiding behind "heterosexual privilege"?
A: Lesbians and gay men can, and some do,
take advantage of heterosexual privilege. However, it is never
a privilege to be in a closet, denying part of oneself. Bisexuals
are vulnerable to the same prejudice as gays and lesbians when in a same-sex
relationship. When in an opposite-sex relationship, bi's are vulnerable
to prejudice from the lesbian and gay communities. Where is
the advantage, the "privilege" here?
Q: Won't a bisexual partner eventually get bored and leave me for another gender? Aren't bisexuals promiscuous?
A: Just like gays, lesbians
and heterosexuals, bisexuals don't act on every attraction they have.
People should be judged on their honesty, integrity, willingness to communicate
and other issues of character.
Q: Haven't bisexuals received a lot of publicity for being AIDS vectors?
A: Yes. Bi's have been
targeted as scapegoats, accused of being a bridge between bipolar communities.
But the fact is, HIV and AIDS are spread through behavior, not sexual orientation.
Safer sex works for all orientations and unsafe sex can be practiced anyone.
Q: Why this LGBT mouthful? Doesn't the simple "gay" label cover everyone?
A: No. "Gay" implies male
homosexuals only. Just as lesbians justly fought for an identity
that addresses their issues better, bi's are doing the same. While
being a proud segment of the larger queer community and sharing many of
the larger issues and concerns, bisexuals also have issues and concerns
unique to bisexuality.
Q: Why aren't bisexuals more visible?
A: In this society, it is very
easy to miss them. If you see two same gender people kissing, most
people don't stop to wonder if one or both might be bisexual. The
same is true of an opposite gender couple. As long as people think
in terms of "either/or," bisexual invisibility will remain an issue.
Q: So, where's the bisexual community? Where is the bi movement?
A: You're holding a part of it in
your hands right now. While bisexuals have always been in society,
the bisexual movement is young, but it is growing rapidly. Nationally,
groups such as BiNet USA and Bi Without Borders exist. This
pamphlet was created by members of Milwaukee's organized bisexual community
Bi Definition.